I learned in church today

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  • Moliere
    One man.....one pie
    • Oct 2009
    • 27808

    #4366
    I learned that the spirits in the spirit world us our physical buildings to hold church meetings. I'm now hoping they are meetings closer to what is done in rest homes in Utah county...
    "Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessing of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not primary way of worshipping." -Pres. Uchtdorf

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    • Dwight Schr-ute
      Members Only
      • May 2011
      • 4917

      #4367
      That amusing and awkward moment of running into the non-part member of the part member family that you visited a couple of weeks ago with the Elder's quorum presidency at Costco on a beautiful Sunday morning.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
      I told him he was a goddamn Nazi Stormtrooper.

      Comment

      • TripletDaddy
        sweet triple
        • Nov 2008
        • 58186

        #4368
        Originally posted by CardiacCoug View Post
        I was thinking:

        "Jump in, let's go
        Lay back, enjoy the show
        Everybody gets high, everybody gets low,
        These are the days when anything goes"
        I was thinking, "God I feel like hell tonight..."
        Fitter. Happier. More Productive.

        sigpic

        Comment

        • Jeff Lebowski
          Corporate lackey for Jesus
          • Nov 2008
          • 69494

          #4369
          Originally posted by TripletDaddy View Post
          I was thinking, "God I feel like hell tonight..."
          Maybe all she wants to do is have some fun.
          "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
          "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
          "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

          Comment

          • RC Vikings
            Known Heterosexual
            • Nov 2008
            • 8788

            #4370
            “It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have!”

            Is the correct answer.

            Comment

            • TripletDaddy
              sweet triple
              • Nov 2008
              • 58186

              #4371
              Hmm.

              I would have went with "god I feel like hell tonight."
              Fitter. Happier. More Productive.

              sigpic

              Comment

              • RC Vikings
                Known Heterosexual
                • Nov 2008
                • 8788

                #4372
                Originally posted by TripletDaddy View Post
                Hmm.

                I would have went with "god I feel like hell tonight."
                I was saving that one until I had to talk.

                Comment

                • clackamascoug
                  Banned
                  • Dec 2009
                  • 9709

                  #4373
                  I was going to go with "My friend the communist.."

                  My 3rd Sunday lesson went so well that in the closing prayer the speaker said "Bless Brother Clack for his great lessons he gives us when it's his turn..."
                  Last edited by clackamascoug; 11-17-2013, 06:13 PM.

                  Comment

                  • SandYFan
                    Junior Member
                    • May 2013
                    • 754

                    #4374
                    Originally posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
                    So today we attended and they had a group of 10-11 yr-old primary girls sing a few numbers. Then they started the meeting and we had a short welcome from the branch president and then the sacrament. Then a 14-yr-old kid gave a great talk on gratitude and when he sat down the adult speaker stood up and said "Well it seems we are over our time limit so I am going to scrap my talk and just bear my testimony.". When he said that I looked at the clock and noted that the meeting had been going for 32 minutes. We were done in 35. Mind blown.
                    Seriously, someone noticed the time and scrapped their entire talk?

                    You, sir, have witnessed a miracle.

                    In my ward, the visiting high councilman went on for 15 minutes past when the meeting was supposed to end. This has always been annoying, but with three kids under 6, I want to murder people who do this.

                    Comment

                    • All-American
                      Right, as Usual
                      • Nov 2008
                      • 15640

                      #4375
                      Originally posted by SandYFan View Post
                      Seriously, someone noticed the time and scrapped their entire talk?

                      You, sir, have witnessed a miracle.

                      In my ward, the visiting high councilman went on for 15 minutes past when the meeting was supposed to end. This has always been annoying, but with three kids under 6, I want to murder people who do this.
                      I just leave once their time is up.
                      τὸν ἥλιον ἀνατέλλοντα πλείονες ἢ δυόμενον προσκυνοῦσιν

                      Comment

                      • The Fourth Nephite
                        Junior Member
                        • Mar 2009
                        • 781

                        #4376
                        I learned that a member of the Stake Presidency can trace his geneology all the way back to Adam in 129 generations.
                        "I'm going to go back to CUF now, where the censorship is less, the average IQ is higher, and we don't have to deal with so much of this nonsense. Goodbye." - SoonerCoug

                        Comment

                        • Harry Tic
                          I've Made a Huge Mistake.
                          • Dec 2011
                          • 1660

                          #4377
                          Originally posted by The Fourth Nephite View Post
                          I learned that a member of the Stake Presidency can trace his geneology all the way back to Adam in 129 generations.
                          I remember a family history teacher telling us that whenever a new general authority is called, they are presented with a book listing their genealogy all the way back to Adam. I guess my question is, why stop at Adam? I would have been more impressed if they would have kept going.

                          Speaking of genealogy, I only yesterday checked out the church's familysearch site. It's pretty cool. A quick perusal confirmed what I had long suspected: I am a direct descendant of ancient Irish and Scottish kings who were important enough to merit their own Wikipedia pages. So, I guess you could say my regal bearing has a genetic explanation.

                          Come to think of it, I am happy to continue to associate with those of you that come from peasant stock, but, please, let's not get overly familiar.
                          Nothing lasts, but nothing is lost.
                          --William Blake, via Shpongle

                          Comment

                          • jay santos
                            Senior Member
                            • Nov 2008
                            • 13652

                            #4378
                            Originally posted by Harry Tic View Post
                            I remember a family history teacher telling us that whenever a new general authority is called, they are presented with a book listing their genealogy all the way back to Adam. I guess my question is, why stop at Adam? I would have been more impressed if they would have kept going.

                            Speaking of genealogy, I only yesterday checked out the church's familysearch site. It's pretty cool. A quick perusal confirmed what I had long suspected: I am a direct descendant of ancient Irish and Scottish kings who were important enough to merit their own Wikipedia pages. So, I guess you could say my regal bearing has a genetic explanation.

                            Come to think of it, I am happy to continue to associate with those of you that come from peasant stock, but, please, let's not get overly familiar.
                            Nearly every person living the in US in the 1830's could do the same. Royalty bloodlines are well documented and going back 20 generations, you have a million people on your family tree. Chances are you have English royalty on one of them. And that's the bloodline people talk about when they say it traces back to Adam.

                            Comment

                            • Uncle Ted
                              The Big 12 money shot.
                              • Apr 2010
                              • 28853

                              #4379
                              Originally posted by The Fourth Nephite View Post
                              I learned that a member of the Stake Presidency can trace his geneology all the way back to Adam in 129 generations.
                              So assuming that a generation is about 30 years (or less)... based on the average age of child birth.

                              In developed nations the average familial generation length is in the high 20s and has even reached 30 years in some nations.


                              Adam lived on the earth less than 3900 years ago.
                              "If there is one thing I am, it's always right." -Ted Nugent.
                              "I honestly believe saying someone is a smart lawyer is damning with faint praise. The smartest people become engineers and scientists." -SU.
                              "Yet I still see wisdom in that which Uncle Ted posts." -creek.
                              GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

                              Comment

                              • Harry Tic
                                I've Made a Huge Mistake.
                                • Dec 2011
                                • 1660

                                #4380
                                Originally posted by jay santos View Post
                                Nearly every person living the in US in the 1830's could do the same.
                                Dear Mr. Santos,

                                I will thank you to peddle your crass genetic egalitarianism elsewhere.

                                Signed,
                                Prince Harry Tic
                                Nothing lasts, but nothing is lost.
                                --William Blake, via Shpongle

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