Embarrassing things you did as an uber Mormon

[dabrockster]

what is up with this filth? show some class!

Those were unintended puns.. Seriously...

[Blueintheface]

One day when I was in seventh or eighth grade, we learned in seminary about what you're supposed to do if a heavenly messenger visits (offer a handshake--as a side note can Babs confirm that LDS is the only religion to believe this?).

Talk about flashbacks. I remember thinking there was no Earthly way to remember which was which when it came to shaking the hand of the undead. I thought it best to ignore all people that may or may not be real.

[Donuthole]

I am not sure if it had anything to do with being Mormon but I tend to think so..

The hottest girl in Junior high (Well, I like to think so but so did the other guys..).. had a thing for me and invited me to the local swimming hole (Tube slide and all, think Karate Kid).. We spent the hole day eyeing each other and chatting it up and going down the slide but not together. However one time she decided she would stand up and wait for me (inside the tube) to come down and then we would slide down together.. She waited and proceed to fall on top of me.

You can guess what happens in these examples to a young Mormon teenager.. For a brief moment we embraced and eyed each other, followed by a very quick shove to her head that send her down farther in front of me (She looked back at me very confused and bewildered by my actions). I then plunged into the water and told them to head on up again and that I was tired and need a moment to rest.. As soon as they were out of sight I was forced out of the pool by the lifeguard. I ran as fast as I could to the locker.

Of course no one has a clue but it was one I will never forget.. Part of me wishes I had left her there on top of me knowing by the time we got to the bottom I would of been ok.

Lol. I had a similar experience, only it was at a lake. Just after graduating high school my family went to Ogden for a week to visit my grandparents and other family. After a few days of hanging out at Gmas, we were bored out of our minds, so I decided to take my younger brother and our cousin his age to Causey Dam to go rafting/tubing/swimming, and I invited along a girl from Clearfield I had been meaning to ask out since my aunt introduced us the summer prior. I thought it would be a great "ice breaker" date.

My brother and cousin went off rafting, and the girl and I went for a swim, which turned into a splash war, which turned into underwater wrestling in the shallow water about 4-5 feet deep. This went on for a good 20-30 minutes, and culminated in her mounting me from the front, wrapping her legs around my waist, wrapping her arms around my neck, and refusing to let go. Just about this time, my brother and cousin come back and want to hop in the car and head down the road to go tubing in South Fork river.

Well, I was still suffering the, um, adverse effects of my wrestling match, but my brother and cousin were obnoxiously impatient in their requests. The girl let go, walked ashore and tauntingly joined in the choruses of "c'mon, let's go, what's taking so long!" all with a big smile on her face. I stalled for as long as possible, but it was to no avail. So as I begrudgingly walked ashore, I managed to "trip" on a rock, and "stumble" into a crouched run for the remaining 15-20 feet to where my towel was lying. I was a terrible actor, it seems, because my brother and cousin both busted up laughing hysterically (though they didn't say anything out loud, thankfully).

I was embarrassed as we drove the couple miles down to the river, and she sat, smirking in the passenger's seat, knowing exactly what she'd done.

I was later reminded during my time at Dixie College that the girls from Clearfield are major trouble. At least that was the case with the ones at Dixie.

[fusnik]

DH - I call BS. Few things....I can't think of any area in Causey save the rocky docks that has a place to wrestle, second Causey is so darn cold its humanly impossible to have the fortitude to bust through so to speak, third, girls from C-town are very dirty (Davis County folk, that's all you need to know) and or hefers in other words stimulation from a cow is difficult and lastly, you don't tube at South Fork River since SFR doesn't exist. Just saying!

[Goatnapper'96]

DH - I call BS. Few things....I can't think of any area in Causey save the rocky docks that has a place to wrestle, second Causey is so darn cold its humanly impossible to have the fortitude to bust through so to speak, third, girls from C-town are very dirty (Davis County folk, that's all you need to know) and or hefers in other words stimulation from a cow is difficult and lastly, you don't tube at South Fork River since SFR doesn't exist. Just saying!

Next he will tell us that boobs feel like a baloon filled with sand!

Good detection there fusnie!

[Donuthole]

DH - I call BS. Few things....I can't think of any area in Causey save the rocky docks that has a place to wrestle, second Causey is so darn cold its humanly impossible to have the fortitude to bust through so to speak, third, girls from C-town are very dirty (Davis County folk, that's all you need to know) and or hefers in other words stimulation from a cow is difficult and lastly, you don't tube at South Fork River since SFR doesn't exist. Just saying!

That's the miracle of it all: I defied science (and how!). I couldn't tell you exactly the place where we swam, but I know it was very soon after you come up the hill from Ogden canyon (and maybe right next to some picnic tables?). It was 12 years ago, and my mind was clearly a bit preoccupied. But yes, the floor of the lake was very rocky (which was how I got the idea to stumble in the first place).

As for South Fork, I suppose it is technically called the South Fork of the (Weber/Ogden?) River, or something like that. I grew up camping (and tubing) at those campgrounds between South Fork (campground) and Weber Memorial Campground just below Causey (which is how I even knew to go to Causey).

One year my cousin and I tubed from Weber Memorial (the base of the Causey spillover) to Pine View Reservoir. It took us about 4 hours, and we only had to get off our tubes twice.

[Blueintheface]

Next he will tell us that boobs feel like a baloon filled with sand!

Good detection there fusnie!

He-so horny. Come on, he's better than that.

[fusnik]

I'm just playing DH, I mostly feel bad that your YOUNGER bro had to see you in such a state, bless your heart!

[Donuthole]

I'm just playing DH, I mostly feel bad that your YOUNGER bro had to see you in such a state, bless your heart!

Besides, we Weber-county folk need to stick together. There's already a shortage of Ogden defenders out there, as i'm sure you know.

[The Fourth Nephite]

I went to see some MMA fights in Orem the other day. One of the fighters wore a long sleeved, long legged black leotard thing under his trunks. He looked very mormony so I'm guessing he did it for modesty reasons.

[SuperGabers]

Sheesh. With all these woody stories, I am already feeling sorry for my son. You poor boys and the stuff you... uh... go through. We should start a "most embarrassing woody" thread. Wait. Knowing you boys, it has probably already been done.

[Flystripper]

An AA investigator brought her (AA) boyfriend to the church and he asked me about the priesthood ban. I explained it to him and said it was God's will, as revealed by living breathing prophets and apostles who talked to God, just like I'd been told to do.

yeah I can somewhat relate. While a missionary I called a gay man and his life partner to repentance. I told them that their attraction and behavior was against God's will, and if they didn't repent they would be be rejected by God in the afterlife.

I am very embarrassed even as I write this.

[I.J. Reilly]

Sheesh. With all these woody stories, I am already feeling sorry for my son. You poor boys and the stuff you... uh... go through. We should start a "most embarrassing woody" thread. Wait. Knowing you boys, it has probably already been done.

Wood? That's nothing. You need to be fearful of the day your son finds out what blueballs are. Embarrassment is nothing compared to that pain.

[New Mexican Disaster]

I allowed many of the other kids at junior high to call me "bishop," because they thought I was such a goody, goody. Some of them were not even being derisive and i did not ask them to knock it off.

Embarrassing.

[Pheidippides]

I went tunnel singing once as a freshman when some guys on my floor invited me. I got there and was like WTF is this? I was intrigued by the apparent power struggle between two guys who would immediately jump up off the ground as soon as a hymn was finished to try and lead the next one. I never went back.

Tunnel singing is where I learned how to sing. There was this girl I liked and she went there every week, so I did too.

For awhile, I refused to listen to Nine Inch Nails, but then Hurt is such a good song.

I passed up a free opportunity to see Rage Against the Machine b/c I was leaving on my mission in a month and didn't think it was appropriate.

Others:

After getting home off the mish, I got in a major fight with my dad about watching The Matrix.

I refused to speed for a few years because it was breaking the law and hence breaking a commandment.

I still can count the rated R movies I have seen on one hand.

That's about it. I'm publicly pretty chill.