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I learned in church today

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  • Somebody should sting that bishop and put it in the paper.
    Give 'em Hell, Cougars!!!

    For all this His anger is not turned away, but His hand is stretched out still.

    Not long ago an obituary appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune that said the recently departed had "died doing what he enjoyed most—watching BYU lose."

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    • We've got a SLC cop in our ward. Sunday he told us that he picked up a guy robbing a warehouse on the west side of down. After arresting him, he went back to look and what was the guy was stealing? Boxes and boxes of Books of Mormon all ready to be shipped.

      He asked the guy if he knew what he was stealing, the guy says "no" - so he tells the thief and follows up with "You know you can get these for free, right?"

      Great story - bonus points for working it into the meeting.

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      • Originally posted by Uncle Ted View Post
        That's more than our entire stake.
        It's pretty much the Utah Mormons that do all the heavy lifting in this church.

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        • Originally posted by Portland Ute View Post
          It's pretty much the Utah Mormons that do all the heavy lifting in this church.
          Yes. It is no wonder the Utah Mormons are rewarded with things like large temples and multibillion dollar malls.
          "If there is one thing I am, it's always right." -Ted Nugent.
          "I honestly believe saying someone is a smart lawyer is damning with faint praise. The smartest people become engineers and scientists." -SU.
          "Yet I still see wisdom in that which Uncle Ted posts." -creek.
          GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

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          • Originally posted by Uncle Ted View Post
            Yes. It is no wonder the Utah Mormons are rewarded with things like large temples and multibillion dollar malls.
            C'mon Unc. Ted, you're off your game. No mention of seminary institute buildings while the non-Utah Mormon world makes due with early morning seminary held in ward buildings? Nothing about church owned camps for scouts and father/son outings? Even girls camps?
            “Not the victory but the action. Not the goal but the game. In the deed the glory.”
            "All things are measured against Nebraska." falafel

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            • Originally posted by Paperback Writer View Post
              C'mon Unc. Ted, you're off your game. No mention of seminary institute buildings while the non-Utah Mormon world makes due with early morning seminary held in ward buildings? Nothing about church owned camps for scouts and father/son outings? Even girls camps?
              Yes, good point. Of course, I was thinking that the shopping malls and girls camps were one in the same.

              We are not even righteous enough to get to meet at the church own building for early morning seminary. Our kids have to meet in a member's home.
              "If there is one thing I am, it's always right." -Ted Nugent.
              "I honestly believe saying someone is a smart lawyer is damning with faint praise. The smartest people become engineers and scientists." -SU.
              "Yet I still see wisdom in that which Uncle Ted posts." -creek.
              GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

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              • You can take a giant 19-21 inch laptop to the podium for your talk. (This maybe only works if you are having Sacrament only due to weather)
                Get confident, stupid
                -landpoke

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                • I am one of many that did not have church due to weather. We decided to use our vacation to drive around town aimlessly to break the case of cabin fever that my wifey had.


                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                  I'm your huckleberry.


                  "I love pulling the bone. Really though, what guy doesn't?" - CJF

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                  • We had a great sacrament meeting. A 17 year old girl talked about the dangers of porn (and her definition of porn is very broad). Then we had a talk about the importance of attending sacrament meeting. Then we had a talk about some other talk that I don't really remember because that's when I started surfing the worldwide web.

                    Talks about talks are the worst. Even worse then talks about attending sacrament meeting, because at least then there is some irony and novelty.
                    "I'm going to go back to CUF now, where the censorship is less, the average IQ is higher, and we don't have to deal with so much of this nonsense. Goodbye." - SoonerCoug

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                    • Parrot Head should be all over this thread today, since I assume he had a cubic mile of knowledge stuffed into him in Sacrament Meeting. Possibly he is sitting at home in a spiritual stupor.

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                      • I guess this fits here, since during church I read an email from our daughter in NYC. She sent me a talk she had given earlier today in the Harlem Singles Ward. It was on kindness and included several quotes from Elder Joseph Wirthlin, Mitch Mayne (the gay Executive Secretary in SF), SeattleUte's signature quote, and the movie Mean Girls. I was proud.

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                        • We had a home-schooled girl get up and give a talk in sac meeting where she read several chapters from the FSOY pamphlet. It was a long talk and she read the chapters rapidly with her head down, including the chapters on chastity, modesty, etc. She only looked up once, and that was to comment on how swearing is so common in public schools. Awkward.
                          "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
                          "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
                          "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

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                          • Originally posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
                            We had a home-schooled girl get up and give a talk in sac meeting where she read several chapters from the FSOY pamphlet. It was a long talk and she read the chapters rapidly with her head down, including the chapters on chastity, modesty, etc. She only looked up once, and that was to comment on how swearing is so common in public schools. Awkward.
                            Well, shit, she's right.
                            Get confident, stupid
                            -landpoke

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                            • Originally posted by HuskyFreeNorthwest View Post
                              Well, shit, she's right.
                              What she actually said was, "in public schools, when someone swears at you it is considered a compliment."

                              Huh?
                              "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
                              "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
                              "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

                              Comment


                              • Today at church a sister came up to me and said she had a dream about me, and now she looks at me in a completely new light.

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