I learned in church today

[ERCougar]

From a 80 year old retired Physician, who was not aware that he was suppposed to give a talk today, so he "free styled" without a topic.

1. People need to get back to corporal punishement with their kids. Kids today get way with too much crap. We used a wooden spoon on our kids.
2. Mormon Standard Time is an insult to those people on time. There's no reason you can't be to church on time.
3. Water bottles in church is not reverent. Can't you go an hour without a drink? Same with the bathroom. Hold it till the meeting is over. And when you do go, be sure to flush. "There's nothing worse than going into a bathroom and seeing other peoples business left behind."

It was this was for 15 minutes.

LOL...
the great thing about being a physician is that people suddenly care about your opinion (or at least pretend to) about a whole variety of subjects, whether it's warranted or not.

[ERCougar]

1) One in five of you sitting in the audience have a "problem" with porn (when I texted this to Solon, he suggested that maybe it's a problem with slow downloads)
2) Looking at porn puts you at high risk of "getting involved with a young lady" and spending 20 years in prison for it. (I'm very confused about a lot of definitions used today, but "getting involved" may have left me the most confused.)

[LeedsCougar]

the sex runneth over onto our side of pond. we debated the legalisation of prostitution as a moral tragedy and whether our fair sister who competed in Brazil Carnival is a sinner. On the latter, nay (surprising); on the former, yea.

[myboynoah]

LOL...
the great thing about being a physician is that people suddenly care about your opinion (or at least pretend to) about a whole variety of subjects, whether it's warranted or not.

Plus you can get a plumber anytime you need one.

I can't wait until I'm 80 so I can unload with a few of these. At least it will entertain the deacons.

[DrumNFeather]

We had a relatively new deacon give his first talk today. He was pretty nervous and he read most of the way through it. Towards the end, he lost his place and got really flustered and stopped for a few seconds, then managed to wrap it up with his testimony and ended his talk. He then sat down and proceeded to start crying as the next speaker got up to speak. About a minute or two into the following talk, the bishop got up and sat next to this young man. He put his arm around him and consoled him for a few minutes and then went and sat down. That was something I'd never seen before, but it really touched me. With so many examples that get shared about bishops and other leaders that get things wrong, this was a glaring example to me of one that got it 100% right. I gained a lot of respect for my bishop today.

[Realtall]

Footprints in the sand... LOL.

This wiped me out.

[OceanBlue]

We had a speaker from the stake along with his wife come down. I usually am not much on stake speakers. They come from an urban area down to our rural beach ward and I think,that they think,we don't know we are doing.

Anyway this surgeon and his wife come down and give great talks and connected with our ward. He really helped a couple of ward members out who are having medical issues. Really good people.

Final note on our ward. A member who moved in from another area was out on discussions with some investigators and the investigators declared they didn't believe in organized religion and the member quiped back then you will fit right in with this ward. We always get a good chuckle out of that story.

[sparky]

Re: I learned in church today

We had a relatively new deacon give his first talk today. He was pretty nervous and he read most of the way through it. Towards the end, he lost his place and got really flustered and stopped for a few seconds, then managed to wrap it up with his testimony and ended his talk. He then sat down and proceeded to start crying as the next speaker got up to speak. About a minute or two into the following talk, the bishop got up and sat next to this young man. He put his arm around him and consoled him for a few minutes and then went and sat down. That was something I'd never seen before, but it really touched me. With so many examples that get shared about bishops and other leaders that get things wrong, this was a glaring example to me of one that got it 100% right. I gained a lot of respect for my bishop today.

Interesting similarity to our sacrament mtg. A dad and his two aaronic-aged sons recently moved into our ward and gave their welcome talks today. The deacon got tripped up and flustered, tongue-tied, and his dad got up and put his arm around him and whispered something in his ear, and the boy cruised through the rest.

When dad got up he began talking about how brave his boys were for enduring such an ugly divorce, looked back at them and told them how he loved them and admired their strength, then got choked up and couldn't speak. The deacon responded by discretely walking up to the podium, pulled a couple of kleenex from the shelf beneath, stuffed them in his dad's hand and sat down.

Maybe you had to be there but to me was a touching glimpse into their mutual support during a rough time (not just the sac mtg talks)

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

[FN Phat]

Interesting similarity to our sacrament mtg. A dad and his two aaronic-aged sons recently moved into our ward and gave their welcome talks today. The deacon got tripped up and flustered, tongue-tied, and his dad got up and put his arm around him and whispered something in his ear, and the boy cruised through the rest.

When dad got up he began talking about how brave his boys were for enduring such an ugly divorce, looked back at them and told them how he loved them and admired their strength, then got choked up and couldn't speak. The deacon responded by discretely walking up to the podium, pulled a couple of kleenex from the shelf beneath, stuffed them in his dad's hand and sat down.

Maybe you had to be there but to me was a touching glimpse into their mutual support during a rough time (not just the sac mtg talks)

Sent from my SCH-I535 using Tapatalk 2

That's awesome.

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

Sparky and Drum, what great stories of love and support. Those are the kind of inspiring things that keep me plugging along when times get tough.

[Dwight Schr-ute]

Remember that story about the venomous snake that asks the turtle for a ride across the river but the turtle doesn't want to because he's afraid the snake is going to bite him. The snake eventually assures him that such a deed would be harmful to both of them, so the turtle relents. Well, then the snake bikes the turtle and just before they both drown, the confused turtle is all, "But why?" And the snake is all, "I bit you because I'm a snake, and it's my nature."

I relearned this last night. Missionaries just can't help themselves from being missionaries. Over the weekend, my wife and I invited several families over for dinner last night. Two of the families are LDS and one is not. Late Sunday night, my wife gets a call from one of the wives (her and my wife are very close) who is in charge of the missionary dinner calendar. She had realized that the Elders didn't have a place to go for dinner the next morning and wondered if we would mind adding them to our guest list. Not a big deal.

I called the Elders first thing Monday morning and told them that they were being invited as an afterthought and, as such, their invitation was contingent on their ability to just be cool. No proselytizing. "Of course."

All things considered, they did a fine job for about 90 minutes. (One of the Elders has been out about a month and thinks rather highly of himself and isn't bashful about letting you know.) As they were gathering their things to leave, the senior missionary asks, as is the tradition, if they could share a scriptural thought before they left.

Our friends straight out of the Bible belt and rather religious so I ignored my hesitation and told myself that there wouldn't be any harm in a nice non-denominational message from the scriptures. After trying to settle eight children 5 and under, the senior missionary starts, "In 1820, Joseph Smith was 14 years old..." and commences to try and shoe horn a first discussion in.

Sucker punch. The situation was uncomfortable but as long as they kept it brief and indirect, I was willing to forgive them. About five minutes into the presentation, they get about half way into a question directed towards our non-LDS friends about modern day prophets when my wife stepped in with an "And cut! I don't mean to step on your toes Elders, but you're off script and I promised these people a pleasant and relaxing evening."

I must have looked about as pissed as I felt because as I was escorting them out the door, one of them apologized at least 3 times. Fortunately, our friends are very laid back and know us well enough that we wouldn't ever set them up that way and found the whole thing amusing. I just couldn't believe the gall. As I closed the front door and turned back towards the kitchen to apologize to my friends, I made eye contact with our turtle sitting on his perch in the aquarium in our front room and all I could think about was the nature of venomous snakes.

[Donuthole]

Remember that story about the venomous snake that asks the turtle for a ride across the river but the turtle doesn't want to because he's afraid the snake is going to bite him. The snake eventually assures him that such a deed would be harmful to both of them, so the turtle relents. Well, then the snake bikes the turtle and just before they both drown, the confused turtle is all, "But why?" And the snake is all, "I bit you because I'm a snake, and it's my nature."

I relearned this last night. Missionaries just can't help themselves from being missionaries. Over the weekend, my wife and I invited several families over for dinner last night. Two of the families are LDS and one is not. Late Sunday night, my wife gets a call from one of the wives (her and my wife are very close) who is in charge of the missionary dinner calendar. She had realized that the Elders didn't have a place to go for dinner the next morning and wondered if we would mind adding them to our guest list. Not a big deal.

I called the Elders first thing Monday morning and told them that they were being invited as an afterthought and, as such, their invitation was contingent on their ability to just be cool. No proselytizing. "Of course."

All things considered, they did a fine job for about 90 minutes. (One of the Elders has been out about a month and thinks rather highly of himself and isn't bashful about letting you know.) As they were gathering their things to leave, the senior missionary asks, as is the tradition, if they could share a scriptural thought before they left.

Our friends straight out of the Bible belt and rather religious so I ignored my hesitation and told myself that there wouldn't be any harm in a nice non-denominational message from the scriptures. After trying to settle eight children 5 and under, the senior missionary starts, "In 1820, Joseph Smith was 14 years old..." and commences to try and shoe horn a first discussion in.

Sucker punch. The situation was uncomfortable but as long as they kept it brief and indirect, I was willing to forgive them. About five minutes into the presentation, they get about half way into a question directed towards our non-LDS friends when my wife stepped in with an "And cut! I don't mean to step on your toes Elders, but you're off script and I promised these people a pleasant and relaxing evening."

I must have looked about as pissed as I felt because as I was escorting them out the door, one of them apologized at least 3 times. Fortunately, our friends are very laid back and know us well enough that we wouldn't ever set them up that way and found the whole thing amusing. I just couldn't believe the gall. As I closed the front door and turned back towards the kitchen to apologize to my friends, I made eye contact with our turtle sitting on his perch in the aquarium in our front room and all I could think about was the nature of venomous snakes.

You knew what they were when you picked them up.

[Moliere]

I learned in church today

LOL! Stupid missionaries.

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

LOL! Stupid missionaries.

The missionaries did what they are supposed to do, if you don't want missionaries missionarying on your non-Mo friends don't invite them over the same night. Missionaries eat $5 Little Caesers just fine.

[The_Douger]

I think they need to be polite and not do that kind of stuff if they've been invited over, and been asked specifically to keep it cool beforehand.