Jokes

[wuapinmon]

While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree.

Seeing this he inquired, 'Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing?'

'I'm listening to the music of the tree,' the other man replied.

'You've gotta be kiddin' me.'

'No, would you like to give it a try?'

Understandably curious, the man says, 'Well, OK...'

So he wrapped his arms around the tree & pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left.

Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, 'What the heck happened to you?'

He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there.

When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, 'This just ain't gonna be your day, cupcake...'

Rape is funny?

[Devildog]

Rape is funny?

It's a joke. It probably didn't happen Wuap.

Sorry if it crossed your line, funny doesn't always mean the same thing to everyone... I actually tried to use a "filter"... apparently I'm still a little rough (unrefined) for this place.

[il Padrino Ute]

Rape is funny?

Rape isn't funny, but that joke was.

[wuapinmon]

Rape isn't funny, but that joke was.

That joke was funny as hell in 1985. We've advanced as a nation since then. Let's let the past have the past. Jokes about anal rape in San Francisco are a little Eddie Murphy Raw-ish, and smack of hypermachismo.

[Donuthole]

An oldie:

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The only other patron in the bar is sitting a few seats down. After a few minutes of silence, the second guy turns and asks "would you like to see something amazing?" After a long day at the office, something amazing was just what the doctor ordered, so the first guy agrees.

Second guy reaches down into his bag and pulls out a smallish man, not a foot tall, and sets him on the bar. He then reaches down and pulls out a miniature piano and piano bench. The little man sits down and begins to serenade them with Beethoven's fur elise.

Amazed, the first guy asks, "where on earth did you find him?" The fellow reaches down yet again and pulls from his bag an oxidized lamp. "I rubbed this lamp and a genie appeared" he says while sliding the lamp down the bar towards the first guy.

First guy grabs the lamp, rubs it, and a genie appears and offers to grant a single wish. "I wish for a million bucks" screamed the guy, giddy at the prospect of never having to work again. Instantly, the bar is completely filled with quacking ducks; they're covering the floor, the tables, the bar, and every space in between.

Confused, the guy turns back to the second guy, who shouts, before any question is even asked: "yeah, you really think I asked for a 10-inch pianist?"

[il Padrino Ute]

That joke was funny as hell in 1985. We've advanced as a nation since then. Let's let the past have the past. Jokes about anal rape in San Francisco are a little Eddie Murphy Raw-ish, and smack of hypermachismo.

[Babs]

That joke was funny as hell in 1985. We've advanced as a nation since then.

Actually, I'm not sure that joke was ever funny. Perhaps I don't have much of a sense of humor.

[SportUTE]

Three states celebrate the 24th of July/Pioneer day.

Utah, for the Pioneers arriving..

Missouri, because the Mormons left.

And California, because the Mormons stopped in Utah.

LOL on that one

Sent from my DROID X2 using Tapatalk

[Moliere]

How many elders does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

10: one to change the bulb and nine to not show up.

[wuapinmon]

My favorite joke in Spanish:

¿Cuál es la diferencia entre un lechero __costarricense___ (de cualquier país menos Argentina) y un lechero argentino?

Cuando el costarricense ordeña, le dice a la vaca, "Da leche. Da leche," mientras el lechero argentino le dice, "¡Dale, che!"

[Non Sequitur]

It's a joke. It probably didn't happen Wuap.

Sorry if it crossed your line, funny doesn't always mean the same thing to everyone... I actually tried to use a "filter"... apparently I'm still a little rough (unrefined) for this place.

You probably shouldn't tell the one about how you separate the men from the boys in San Francisco.

[jay santos]

Actually, I'm not sure that joke was ever funny. Perhaps I don't have much of a sense of humor.

Agree. Don't get me wrong. Rape jokes can be hilarious. But that one was just so-so.

[Babs]

Agree. Don't get me wrong. Rape jokes can be hilarious. But that one was just so-so.

Exactly. At best it rates a polite chuckle.

[Devildog]

While I readily admit that I am a bit "crude" for this place.

From this lone vantage spot, both Babs and Wuap come off as hyper-sensitive on most things. Hell, Waup may as well be a chick.

Anyway...

Catholic Boy's Confession

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation'

Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later so you may as well tell me now.

Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'


'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'


' Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'


'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'


'Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration. 'You're very tight lipped, Joey Pagano, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers, 'What'd you get?'
'Four months vacation and five good leads.'

[wuapinmon]

While I readily admit that I am a bit "crude" for this place.

From this lone vantage spot, both Babs and Wuap come off as hyper-sensitive on most things. Hell, Waup may as well be a chick.

I'm man enough that I don't have to advertise it to the world.

An airman in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a MARINE joke?"

The guy next to him replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs, and I'm a MARINE. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2" tall, weighs 225, and he's a MARINE. The fella next to him is 6'5" tall, weighs 250, and he's also a MARINE. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?" The Airman says, "Nah, I don't want to have to explain it three times."