Jokes

[RC Vikings]

Give me your best ones. Here are two of my favs.

Did you hear about the guy that lost his left side?

Answer: He's all right.

Did you hear why they closed down the restaurant on the moon?

Answer: No atmosphere.

You'll knock em dead with these two.

[Surfah]

I tell all the primary kids these:

What did the fish say who ran into the wall?

Dam.

What did the fish say to the fish who ran into the wall?

Dumb bass.

And this one I shared last week much to Gidget's dismay:

How do you catch a polar bear?

Cut a hole in some ice and line it with peas. When the polar bear comes to take a pea, run up behind him and kick him in the ice hole.

[TripletDaddy]

Guy walks into the doctor's office, says, "doc, I need help."

Doc says, "sure whats the problem?"

Guy says, "I suffer from chronic masturbation. I can't stop."

Doc says, "you are going to have to stop so I can examine you."

[hostile]

Q: What is invisible and smells like worms?

A: Bird farts.

[byu71]

Did you hear about the pollock that threw himself on the ground and missed.

[landpoke]

Did you hear about the pollock that threw himself on the ground and missed.

Whoa there bigot. Some of us are Polish. Not me thankfully, but I'm sure someone here is.

[Sizzle]

Three states celebrate the 24th of July/Pioneer day.

Utah, for the Pioneers arriving..

Missouri, because the Mormons left.

And California, because the Mormons stopped in Utah.

[Tim]

Did you hear about the pollock that threw himself on the ground and missed.

[byu71]

Whoa there bigot. Some of us are Polish. Not me thankfully, but I'm sure someone here is.

The funny thing is I was in Detroit on my mission. Actually I was in Warren which is a Suburb. Folks were mostly Polish and is where I learned every Polish joke I know.

That is why where I learned they bury their dead with their butts sticking out of the ground so the kids have a place to park their bikes.


You may have a point though. That was a long time ago. People are much more PC now. So even though I am not biggoted, I may be acting like a bigot in todays society.

[FMCoug]

You may have a point though. That was a long time ago. People are much more PC now. So even though I am not biggoted, I may be acting like a bigot in todays society.

Yeah I bet Detroit was really different back when Henry was producing 10000 Model T's a day.


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[filsdepac]

What's the difference between a truck full of sand and a truck full of babies?

You can't empty a truck full of sand with a pitchfork.

[jay santos]

a little crude but i laughed. heard this from golf buddy related to the rattlesnake episode.

Two friends are on a fishing trip. One guy goes to take a piss. While he is pissing a rattlesnake bites the end of his dick.
He runs out from behind the bush and tells his friend to call a doctor and find out what to do.
The friend runs to a phone and calls a doctor, “A rattlesnake just bit my friends dick! What should I do?”
The doctor replies, “Well the only way to save him is to suck out the poison.”
The friend goes to back to his snake-bitten friend after talking to the doctor and says, “I got bad news. Doctor says you’re gonna die.”

[Commando]

Three states celebrate the 24th of July/Pioneer day.

Utah, for the Pioneers arriving..

Missouri, because the Mormons left.

And California, because the Mormons stopped in Utah.

Wouldn't Illinois, not Missouri, be the ones celebrating?

[TripletDaddy]

a little crude but i laughed. heard this from golf buddy related to the rattlesnake episode.

Two friends are on a fishing trip. One guy goes to take a piss. While he is pissing a rattlesnake bites the end of his dick.
He runs out from behind the bush and tells his friend to call a doctor and find out what to do.
The friend runs to a phone and calls a doctor, “A rattlesnake just bit my friends dick! What should I do?”
The doctor replies, “Well the only way to save him is to suck out the poison.”
The friend goes to back to his snake-bitten friend after talking to the doctor and says, “I got bad news. Doctor says you’re gonna die.”

I'm going to bust this one out at Fathers and Sons in a couple of weeks.

Adios future ward callings! :rockon2:

[MarkGrace]

What do you call a canary in a blender? Shredded tweet.

What does Snoop use to get his clothers clean? Bleatch.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Imup. Imup who? You are, gross! (primary kids love that one)