"Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated" - The Rivalry Thread

[Katy Lied]

Originally Posted by Solon on ub5
I'm pretty sure that the Native-American Lamanites win out by the end of the story, their rivals killed by the hundreds-of-thousands, the cities of their rivals conquered, the civilization of their rivals ground into dust, with only an obscure, unprovenanced record written in an otherwise unattested language to remind a mostly indifferent world that the Nephites once contended for & won Heisman Trophies & National Championships.

Like the Junkers, the Etruscans, the Blefuscudians, Roy Hobbs, and Army Football, the true tragedy emerges when only the historians and the elderly remember how great you used to be.

As in all Tragedies, the byu's Destiny is inescapable and ineluctable and horrifying to the audience (with a cathartic relief that we onlookers won't suffer a similar fate).

The march to antiquarian obscurity is cruel indeed.

And when BYU becomes ancient history, that's when Solon will love and reverence us. He will learn zoob-speak, and read about our material culture.

No one believes me when I say that Die Hard ute fans will be the sorriest to see our demise. I didn't hear a single Ute cheering for BYU last night because we were facing your rival. No one said, "whatever you do BYU Basketball- beat that bastard Colorado team."

[Shaka]

West Jordan, UT is a college town? Who knew?

Maybe Blueintheface can tell us who the home team is...

SLCC has a decent sized campus out on Bangerter and 90th.

[hostile]

And when BYU becomes ancient history, that's when Solon will love and reverence us. He will learn zoob-speak, and read about our material culture.

No one believes me when I say that Die Hard ute fans will be the sorriest to see our demise. I didn't hear a single Ute cheering for BYU last night because we were facing your rival. No one said, "whatever you do BYU Basketball- beat that bastard Colorado team."

We were hoping a meteor would hit Coors Event Center.

[Commando]

Too many teeth for uofutah fans, so who are these guys supposed to be?

Ugh... a dude I know who isn't particularly a fan of any school I know of besides BSU when it suits his purposes but a huge BYU hater posted this on fb with the caption, 'hilarious.' I refrained from making fun of him b/c I can only be trolled so many times on fb.

[Blueintheface]

West Jordan, UT is a college town? Who knew?

Maybe Blueintheface can tell us who the home team is...

In my neighborhood it's BYU.

[kccougar]

Strange things are happening. My wife is a 3rd generation Avenues resident and grew up on 13th Ave basically in the shadow of the U. Both her parents attended the U and her family is as red as can be (when her uncle died, his viewing was held in the U Alumni House). Tonight my in-laws were visiting and they asked me about the BYU coaching situation. We talked football for a bit, and my FIL said he'd like to see Whittingham take the HC position at BYU. He went on to say that he and my MIL would be rooting for BYU on Saturday (I almost fell off my chair). He said he's tired of so many idiots in the Utah fan base, and he wants to cheer for the Church's school. Winds of change....

[wally]

Strange things are happening. My wife is a 3rd generation Avenues resident and grew up on 13th Ave basically in the shadow of the U. Both her parents attended the U and her family is as red as can be (when her uncle died, his viewing was held in the U Alumni House). Tonight my in-laws were visiting and they asked me about the BYU coaching situation. We talked football for a bit, and my FIL said he'd like to see Whittingham take the HC position at BYU. He went on to say that he and my MIL would be rooting for BYU on Saturday (I almost fell off my chair). He said he's tired of so many idiots in the Utah fan base, and he wants to cheer for the Church's school. Winds of change....

Reading between the lines, I think he is feeling like changing loyalties this weekend is the best way to avoid having a cougar go "speed bag on his grapes." But that's just one possibility.

[kccougar]

Reading between the lines, I think he is feeling like changing loyalties this weekend is the best way to avoid having a cougar go "speed bag on his grapes." But that's just one possibility.

He told me he wants to see Bronco win his 100th game.

[MartyFunkhouser]

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[BigFatMeanie]

Just for fun, let's resurrect this gem from mpfunk back in 2006:

http://www.utefans.net/archive.php?id=3392&action=View

Look why should zoobs have all the fun creating stories. You have been to RES-South and experienced a zoob game, why shouldn't you turn that brief encounter you had to the reason why you hate all BYU fans. If you do not have a story to embellish, why shouldn't you just be able to make things up. Here at Mitchell P Funk Rivalry Products LLC, we say don't let the truth get in the way of a good story. But who has the time and creativity to create these stories? Well now you do.

Mitchell P Funk Rivalry Products is proud to announce the "Create Your Own Rivalry Experience: LDS Ute Fan Edition" and Create Your Own Rivalry Experience: Non-LDS Ute Fan Edition." Why the two editions, well because the stories need to vary greatly for each group. This is not to say you cannot create a proper experience

The LDS Ute Fan Edition includes the following:

1) State your religious affiliation: it is important that an LDS Ute Fan start the process by letting everyone know he is an LDS Ute Fan. The story should start "I am an active LDS Ute Fan (ALUF)."

2) Attire: you must state that you were wearing Ute attire. Now this is less important than the BYU fan needing to state he was wearing his 1984 MNC blue t-shirt that was two sizes too small. Just simply state you were wearing red. This sets the stage that the BYU fans were on notice of your affiliation, and that you are a true fan.

3) The Beverage: For some reason every good rivalry experience involves a beverage. In this case the beverage is a Caffeine Free Diet Coke. It is important that you as an ALUF make a joke about it being caffeine free. You are edgier and you must get this across in your story. You will explain how in some manner the BYU fan got the contents of the Caffeine Free Diet Coke on you.

4) Religion: now this is the crux of any good created rivalry experience. Your main point needs to be that BYU fans are holier-than-thou. You should say how you were told you are not a "Good Mormon" because you root for the Utes. You will say how the BYU fan told you that you should root for the Lord's School. You will recount how this just confirms the many experiences you have had at church.

5) The altercation: an important part of the story. First if is your opportunity to say how this LDS BYU fan got in your face and used a few obscene words. Extra points if the profanity is overheard by your child. Finally explain how it escalated and you went from your normally peaceful self, to beating down the zoob. It makes you look tough by doing this.

6) Bystanders: you must say how no one came to your assistance. For ALUF this is why you find BYU embarrassing. You could only imagine if a non-LDS person attended a BYU game how he would view this. The person is likely to go on a crusade against the LDS church because of BYU fans. Explain how BYU does more harm for the church than good

7) Involvement of players and coaches: not a requirement but a nice touch none the less. Explain how a player took his helmet off in front of you and told you to go perform sexual relations with yourself, using some non-honor code approved terms.

8) Generalization: this is really the most important step. It involves two things. First, you must say how your experience proves every negative stereotype and represents all BYU fans. This is a bit tricky though, despite this you must throw in something about your BYU fan in-law and how he feels the same way. It is a tough balancing act, because you just said all BYU fans are this way but also needed to bring a good BYU fan to support your stance. Second, you must state how you liked BYU fans before this but this experience is the reason you hate all BYU fans. You know you just cannot let it be that you hate your rivals because they are your rival.

Are research and development department is working to get the non-LDS Ute Fan Edition on the stands as soon as possible. If you would like to purchase the Create Your Own Rivalry Experience: ALUF edition, please send $49.95 to Mitchell P Funk Rivalry Products LLC.

[myboynoah]

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[kccougar]

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These two guys approve...

[cougjunkie]

I wonder what Funk thinks now about Scalley as a DC. You know the guy who was saying something must be wrong with Scalley since he was passed over by a 70 year old retread a few years ago. Whoops.

[MartyFunkhouser]

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[cougjunkie]

I would appreciate if if you didn't misrepresent what I said about Scalley. Thanks.

http://www.cougarstadium.com/showthr...=1#post1234621



http://www.cougarstadium.com/showthr...=1#post1234625



The majority of my reservation was not having Whittingham there to guide him and putting him in a situation that he is not ready for. It is Whittingham's defense and he will be running it anyway. He has shown the ability to mentor unqualified candidates in the past (see Kalani Sitake when Whittingham hired him).

NOt sure where I was wrong. Again you questioned Scalleys credentials if he were promoted to DC. With all that pac-12 money you are promoting a safeties coach to DC? A guy whit doesn't even trust enough to run the entire secondary to DC? Seems that Whit is an asshole to work for.