The Official Jimmerphilia Thread

[Donuthole]

That's a term I would normally reserve for women.

That reminds me of an exchange on my mission. At a Zone Conference, my companion and I were making small talk with a couple sister missionaries, one of whom was very fit. Word on the street was that she had run a few marathons before the mission, and was also a Ms. Fitness Utah contestant. Her companion was talking about how this sister would wake up at 5 a.m. to workout for an hour before official wake up time, and was telling us about the non-stop routine of pushups, crunches, lunges, squats, and running in place, etc. "Sister fitness" was wearing dress with short sleeves (almost cap sleeves) revealing pretty much her entire arms, which were, indeed, very defined. I commented that the hard work was paying off, because she "had some pretty big guns" on her.

My companion looked at me with huge eyes and an open mouth, clearly shocked at what I had just said. Just then the meeting started, and we scuttled away to our seats. My companion, a very cool dude and not someone I expected to get uptight about a comment about a sister's arms, leaned over to me and asked me why I would ever say that to a sister missionary. I soon learned that where he grew up (Cache Valley) a woman's "guns" were not her arms, and I explained to him the intent of my comment. He thought I should go over and apologize/clarify, just to make sure. I maintained that such an explanation could only make matters worse, even if she did assume I was referencing her breasts. And if she hadn't assumed that, she would then know we were subsequently discussing her breasts. So I never clarified.

FTR, her breasts were not nearly as impressive as her arms. Also, it is completely ridiculous to refer to someone's breasts as guns, is it not? Cache Valley is effed up.

[Green Monstah]

That reminds me of an exchange on my mission. At a Zone Conference, my companion and I were making small talk with a couple sister missionaries, one of whom was very fit. Word on the street was that she had run a few marathons before the mission, and was also a Ms. Fitness Utah contestant. Her companion was talking about how this sister would wake up at 5 a.m. to workout for an hour before official wake up time, and was telling us about the non-stop routine of pushups, crunches, lunges, squats, and running in place, etc. "Sister fitness" was wearing dress with short sleeves (almost cap sleeves) revealing pretty much her entire arms, which were, indeed, very defined. I commented that the hard work was paying off, because she "had some pretty big guns" on her.

My companion looked at me with huge eyes and an open mouth, clearly shocked at what I had just said. Just then the meeting started, and we scuttled away to our seats. My companion, a very cool dude and not someone I expected to get uptight about a comment about a sister's arms, leaned over to me and asked me why I would ever say that to a sister missionary. I soon learned that where he grew up (Cache Valley) a woman's "guns" were not her arms, and I explained to him the intent of my comment. He thought I should go over and apologize/clarify, just to make sure. I maintained that such an explanation could only make matters worse, even if she did assume I was referencing her breasts. And if she hadn't assumed that, she would then know we were subsequently discussing her breasts. So I never clarified.

FTR, her breasts were not nearly as impressive as her arms. Also, it is completely ridiculous to refer to someone's breasts as guns, is it not? Cache Valley is effed up.

I think I got the stacked term from the group of Canadians I used to hang out with in high school. They [we] used that term in reference to guys who were gym rats (or "buff"); although, my New Englander stepfather forbade me from using the term "buff" because he said it meant "gay".

[Pheidippides]

I know. It was supposed to be funny.

Funny is in the eye of the beholder, but at least I'm lest disturbed.

[UtahDan]

I don't recall Sports Illustrated doing something similar for Andrew Bogut. Does the LDS Church own SI like it does KSL? It is unfortunate that all these mormon owned media parts show such an intense bias.

I think a huge component of Jimmer's appeal is that he is every man. The way he looks (white, American, clean cut, good looking, not too tall) is much closer to how a white American audience sees itself than any player who has come a long in a long time. I don't think it is much of a mystery. The only thing on that parenthetical list above that applied to Bogut is that he is white.

Jimmer is the great white (American) hope.

[falafel]

That reminds me of an exchange on my mission. At a Zone Conference, my companion and I were making small talk with a couple sister missionaries, one of whom was very fit. Word on the street was that she had run a few marathons before the mission, and was also a Ms. Fitness Utah contestant. Her companion was talking about how this sister would wake up at 5 a.m. to workout for an hour before official wake up time, and was telling us about the non-stop routine of pushups, crunches, lunges, squats, and running in place, etc. "Sister fitness" was wearing dress with short sleeves (almost cap sleeves) revealing pretty much her entire arms, which were, indeed, very defined. I commented that the hard work was paying off, because she "had some pretty big guns" on her.

My companion looked at me with huge eyes and an open mouth, clearly shocked at what I had just said. Just then the meeting started, and we scuttled away to our seats. My companion, a very cool dude and not someone I expected to get uptight about a comment about a sister's arms, leaned over to me and asked me why I would ever say that to a sister missionary. I soon learned that where he grew up (Cache Valley) a woman's "guns" were not her arms, and I explained to him the intent of my comment. He thought I should go over and apologize/clarify, just to make sure. I maintained that such an explanation could only make matters worse, even if she did assume I was referencing her breasts. And if she hadn't assumed that, she would then know we were subsequently discussing her breasts. So I never clarified.

FTR, her breasts were not nearly as impressive as her arms. Also, it is completely ridiculous to refer to someone's breasts as guns, is it not? Cache Valley is effed up.

This is sort of related.

A friend of my wife is from a place near Cache Valley. I can't remember how this topic came up, but it turns out this woman never knew the true meaning of the term "BJ." She thought it referred to "boob jam," which is what she and her sister called the practice of hitting another girl in the boob. She went a long thinking that until last year. She's married with 2 or 3 kids.

[Green Monstah]

Funny is in the eye of the beholder, but at least I'm lest disturbed.

Come on, that was funny. You just missed the joke.

[Art Vandelay]

A couple of funny lines from the grantland draft article

They Should Pick: Jimmer Fredette

Slight aside: This is a "should pick" on several levels, and one is the backcourt of Jimmer and Tyreke would be hilarious for so many reasons. Here are some of the movies they would make together:

THE FARM: When an evil real estate entrepreneur (GREG ANTHONY) moves into town and threatens to bulldoze a sacred neighborhood rec center, two cops (JIMMER FREDETTE, TYREKE EVANS), each from opposite ends of life, must team up together to save the town they love and teach the fat cats that money doesn't buy everything. Co-starring Paul Rudd. Directed by whoever directed Love and Basketball.

THE BOOGIEMAN: When a truculent, soul-devouring blob (DEMARCUS COUSINS) shows up in Sacramento, the mayor (KEVIN JOHNSON) releases two bikers (TYREKE EVANS, JIMMER FREDETTE) from prison to drive the beast out of the city limits, possibly to San Francisco. Co-starring Beno Udrih. Directed by Zach Snyder. Should feature at least 30 minutes of scenes in which the bikers smash the blob with chains and spiked bats. Soundtrack by Tool.

WEDDING RIVALS: In his last game of high school basketball, a cocksure combo guard named Jimmer (JIMMER FREDETTE) is fouled hard by his longtime rival Tyreke (TYREKE EVANS). The coach at Tech U (ED HARRIS) decides to drop Jimmer's scholarship and signs Tyreke. Their lives afterward are a study in contrasts. One life is good. The other is a turd sandwich. Years later, Tyreke is washed up and Jimmer has become a successful real estate mogul. Their children fall in love and announce that they are getting married. Oh crap, a wedding must be planned! Co-starring Rihanna and Zac Efron.

HOME IS WHERE THE HEART IS: Jimmer Fredette (JIMMER FREDETTE) has just been drafted to Sacramento, one of the worst destinations in the NBA, to play alongside a notoriously difficult and oftentimes selfish star named Tyreke Evans (TYREKE EVANS). What's worse, the fat cat owners (MALOOFS) are threatening to move the team to Anaheim. At first, Jimmer secretly hopes this will happen. But during one of his first days in Sacramento, he comes across a young girl who tells him about how much it meant to her to watch Bobby Jackson play basketball. She says, "Home is where the heart is." Inspired, Jimmer goes to practice with a crazy idea: WE WILL WIN ENOUGH GAMES TO KEEP THE TEAM IN SACRAMENTO. His earnestness (read: Mormon) is met with ridicule and scorn by Tyreke Evans. The team gets off to a rocky start. Bedraggled and discouraged, Jimmer seeks out the advice of a wise sensei (KEVIN JOHNSON) who tells him some shit about teamwork and how it makes the dream work. Jimmer invites Tyreke over to his house. It is an awkward exchange, but Tyreke can sense that Jimmer really means it. They have beers and share life stories. At the end of the long share-time, Tyreke says, "I'm in."

Cut to Tyreke and Jimmer driving really fast in 2012 Dodge Chargers. There are cops everywhere. There is a bank safe attached to the back of their cars, but the HEMI engines are kicking ass. Then they go under a bridge. We can't see it 'til the closing credit scene, but there is some sort of safe swap that goes on. Kevin Johnson, who is now a bad guy, is trailing them in a police car, alongside the Maloofs. Tyreke and Jimmer do some crazy chain-safe-Charger maneuver, whereby the safe sideswipes the cop car, sending it over an embankment. Tyreke says, "Safe travels." The movie ends abruptly.

Also for the record, I'm sure Doh'Nuts was not referring to Sister Stacked's chest.... she was on a mission and obviously over the age of 18.

[Surfah]

Big insider article on Jimmer today by Ford.

My favorite part:

Fredette is also what NBA scouts call a "killer." He is hyper-competitive, plays with a great motor and is fearless in the clutch.

A number of teams have done psychological examinations on him and they've found that he measures off the charts when it comes to making decisions under intense pressure. Some players freeze up when the game is on the line. The game actually slows down for Fredette.

Overall, it's the same things we've heard over and over. Combo guard, no defense, no athleticism vs. crazy range, amazing scorer. Nothing really revealing.

[TripletDaddy]

Will Jimmer take his BYU girlfriend with him to the draft or will it strictly be a family affair? Predictions?

[YOhio]

Will Jimmer take his BYU girlfriend with him to the draft or will it strictly be a family affair? Predictions?

I read somewhere that she was going to be in the green room. I think it was in that article about Jimmers' sister.

[Commando]

That reminds me of an exchange on my mission. At a Zone Conference, my companion and I were making small talk with a couple sister missionaries, one of whom was very fit. Word on the street was that she had run a few marathons before the mission, and was also a Ms. Fitness Utah contestant. Her companion was talking about how this sister would wake up at 5 a.m. to workout for an hour before official wake up time, and was telling us about the non-stop routine of pushups, crunches, lunges, squats, and running in place, etc. "Sister fitness" was wearing dress with short sleeves (almost cap sleeves) revealing pretty much her entire arms, which were, indeed, very defined. I commented that the hard work was paying off, because she "had some pretty big guns" on her.

My companion looked at me with huge eyes and an open mouth, clearly shocked at what I had just said. Just then the meeting started, and we scuttled away to our seats. My companion, a very cool dude and not someone I expected to get uptight about a comment about a sister's arms, leaned over to me and asked me why I would ever say that to a sister missionary. I soon learned that where he grew up (Cache Valley) a woman's "guns" were not her arms, and I explained to him the intent of my comment. He thought I should go over and apologize/clarify, just to make sure. I maintained that such an explanation could only make matters worse, even if she did assume I was referencing her breasts. And if she hadn't assumed that, she would then know we were subsequently discussing her breasts. So I never clarified.

FTR, her breasts were not nearly as impressive as her arms. Also, it is completely ridiculous to refer to someone's breasts as guns, is it not? Cache Valley is effed up.

You made the right decision. Any girl who works out regularly would have heard of "the gun show" at least once in her life. Your comp was retarded to think Guns means Boobs.

[falafel]

You made the right decision. Any girl who works out regularly would have heard of "the gun show" at least once in her life. Your comp was retarded to think Guns means Boobs.

You guys are crazy. Haven't you ever seen Austin Powers? Clearly guns mean boobs.

[Art Vandelay]

Will Jimmer take his BYU girlfriend with him to the draft or will it strictly be a family affair? Predictions?

I'm guessing yes:

Whitney Wonnacott
Hey everyone go to espn.com and vote for Jimmer for best dressed tonight! He looks AMAZING!

[Clark Addison]

He has to bring her. Jimmer is the all-american boy, and she is the perfect girlfriend for the all-american boy. Stick a camera on them together and America will swoon.

[Art Vandelay]

Funny picture on the front of espn.com, right now. Everyone styling their new threads and Jimmer. He looks like he is coming straight from the Provo Towne Center Dillards.