Share your worst experience in an LDS church

[HauteCoug]

My worst experience was in a ward hoops game at the tender age of 14. Too short still to play for the HS team so eligible for church ball.

The niece of our coach (and SP/current most awesome GA around) showed up just as I was bringing the ball down court. I had a HUGE crush on her and the moment I saw her, I tripped, fell flat on my face (literally), lost the ball to the other team, whose tallest player picked it up and dunked it. The crowd started laughing, I had teammates on the floor laughing. It was the worst experience of my teenage years, by far.

The gal in question claimed afterward she didn't see what happened. She was being really sweet.

Awwww now that's just precious!

I roughy you were gonna talk about Mooning the SP...

Ok that's 100% lore and totally untrue. No skin was exposed, therefore it did not qualify as a "moon".

Dad has shared this story every year. Are you SURE it's not true?

OK Doctorcoug has yet to respond to this thread and he mistakenly spread a falsehood that is the stuff of legend in the hallowed cultural halls of Dallas, Texas, as it relates to what can go wrong in church ball so I'm going to do it for him. This was not my worst experience, but it should be his.

The good doc returned from his missão and had his homecoming. He, without any warning, began to sing "Sou Um Filho(te) de Deus". But he sang in his very formal, pretty high (think geddy lee) singing voice.

I started chortling vocally. My dad looked over at me, his face as red as the devil's ass, ready to throttle me then and there in the chapel. For some inexplicable reason, the sight of my Mike Leach lookalike father's beet red face made it even worse and I couldn't help but put my head in my hands to somehow muffle my now audible laughter. I had to leave the chapel it was so bad.

I love you, irmãozinho.

HA I totally remember this!

I've probably blocked out all embarrassing stories having to do with myself - although I will say that I was tormented by the son of a very prominent LDS businessman who also happens to be a total ass.

It's also good to torment DC a little more. Why don't we share the story about the nanny he fell in love with two days after his mission? The one he met in the single's ward. The one who gave him the book, "How to Know When You're Really in Love".

[Donuthole]

It's also good to torment [doctorcoug] a little more. Why don't we share the story about the nanny he fell in love with two days after his mission? The one he met in the single's ward. The one who gave him the book, "How to Know When You're Really in Love".

She probably loved the way he knew so much about how to succeed in the real world as a recently-returned missionary.

[Commando]

I went through the temple for the first time right before Christmas and before I got married. A few weeks later, danimal and I decided to go to the temple again. This was my first time in the Provo temple and the first time going through without an escort. I went into the locker room, got dressed and then didn't know where I was supposed to go. I walked up to a matron and asked her where I was supposed to go next and she said, "Maybe if you came to the temple more often you would remember."

That is maddening. You can't really reel off the "fuck you" you would normally have on deck in a situation like that, which this clueless bitch so richly deserved.

[Jeff Lebowski]

That is maddening. You can't really reel off the "fuck you" you would normally have on deck in a situation like that, which this clueless bitch so richly deserved.

How do you know she didn't?

[Uncle Ted]

As a new low priest reading the sacrament prayer for the first time I said the bread prayer for the water. The bishop gave the signal that I should read it again so I read the bread prayer again. After the second time he came over and told me that I was reading the wrong prayer. I think the other two priests were cracking up. I ended up saying the water prayer four times before I got it right. I believe I still hold the record for saying the sacrament prayer the most times before getting it right.

[myboynoah]

As a new low priest reading the sacrament prayer for the first time I said the bread prayer for the water. The bishop gave the signal that I should read it again so I read the bread prayer again. After the second time he came over and told me that I was reading the wrong prayer. I think the other two priests were cracking up. I ended up saying the water prayer four times before I got it right. I believe I still hold the record for saying the sacrament prayer the most times before getting it right.

Noah will be ordained a Priest this week. Last week as the prayer was butchered and repeated he looked at me and asked, "They read it, right? You have a card to read, right?" After I answered in the affirmative, he asked sarcastically, "How can you mess that up?"

We shall see.

[HauteCoug]

She probably loved the way he knew so much about how to succeed in the real world as a recently-returned missionary.

that, and he was the spitting image of Tom Cruise.

[The Ghost of Lyle Alzado]

I can't think of anything truly awful happening to me in a church that can't be attributed to general adolescent awkwardness. But I've met a lot of crazies in LDS churches. Here's my favorite:

When I was a missionary, a guy with long hair and a beard came into the chapel to check out how things were going since he saw his name on the building. I asked him what he was talking about and he handed me a business card with a phone number on one side and the other side read:

JESUS CHRIST
Son of Man, Prince of Peace, Lamb of God

He said a bunch of crazy stuff to us then left. I think I still have the business card somewhere.

The best part is a couple weeks later, four of us bumped into him in a grocery store and he started chatting us up. My companion and I wanted no part of this guy, so we left. When we met up with the other companionship, the only thing they said was, "Man, I can't believe you ditched us with Jesus. Not cool."

Good times.

[Viking]

that, and he was the spitting image of Tom Cruise.

He looked like him, but don't think he was the spitting image.

[Viking]

Awwww now that's just precious!





Dad has shared this story every year. Are you SURE it's not true?



HA I totally remember this!

I've probably blocked out all embarrassing stories having to do with myself - although I will say that I was tormented by the son of a very prominent LDS businessman who also happens to be a total ass.

It's also good to torment DC a little more. Why don't we share the story about the nanny he fell in love with two days after his mission? The one he met in the single's ward. The one who gave him the book, "How to Know When You're Really in Love".

What, a LDS businessman who's an ass in the New Canaan Ward? Say it ain't so!

[Tim]

My trainer on my mission was always asking me about the temple and what took place as he had heard some crazy things. Long story but he had not been endowed before the mission (attended the MTC in England and London temple was closed for renovations that month). I'm just sorry I couldn't be there following his mission when he first went through the temple. He was an unusual Spanish cat.

Where in Spain was he from?

[Flystripper]

You were water skiing without a life jacket?

Floated not tread water. That wasn't the point.

[Jeff Lebowski]

I can't think of anything truly awful happening to me in a church that can't be attributed to general adolescent awkwardness. But I've met a lot of crazies in LDS churches. Here's my favorite:

When I was a missionary, a guy with long hair and a beard came into the chapel to check out how things were going since he saw his name on the building. I asked him what he was talking about and he handed me a business card with a phone number on one side and the other side read:

JESUS CHRIST
Son of Man, Prince of Peace, Lamb of God

He said a bunch of crazy stuff to us then left. I think I still have the business card somewhere.

The best part is a couple weeks later, four of us bumped into him in a grocery store and he started chatting us up. My companion and I wanted no part of this guy, so we left. When we met up with the other companionship, the only thing they said was, "Man, I can't believe you ditched us with Jesus. Not cool."

Good times.

Welcome Lyle. Swing by Ellis Island and give us an intro.

[NorthShoreCoug]

I was about 29 and still single, attending a singles ward in Utah Valley. The ward was mostly a great ward, but one summer, the ward really struggled. I was the EQP, and my good friend was the Exec Sec. We were at the sacrament table to bless the sacrament, and in opening the meeting, the bishop made a few comments about how great the members were. My friend and I started chortling and whispering smart-alec comments to each other, and we just couldn't calm down. When it came time to bless the sacrament, my friend had the bread, so he knelt down, still trying to repress his laughter. After the first line of the prayer, he couldn't hold it back any more, and he broke out laughing. He eventually managed to finish the prayer, but he had to stop a couple of times to get himself under control. The bishop was not too happy with us, but he was pretty laid back in reprimanding us after.

[NorthShoreCoug]

On Thanksgiving Day, we had nearly 30 people at our home, so we needed a few extra chairs. I drove down to the church, and when I arriived, I saw about 20 cars in the parking lot. Not wanting to disturb their Thanksgiving, I decided to park in the back and get the chairs out of the primary/seminary room that was right by the back door.

As I opened the door to the unlit primary room, an attractive blonde teenage girl came from around the partition, said "hello" very nervously, and whisked out the door. As I continued into the room past the partition, I came across a young man feverishly trying to get his pants buttoned up. I wasn't able to come up with anything witty on the spur of the moment - the best I could manage was "I probably wouldn't do that in the church if I were you".

As embarassing as it was for me, I'm sure it was much more embarassing for them!