Repentance and confession - What would you do?

[Tick's wife]

I think the guilt he's lived with all this time is repentence enough. Why put him through it again, especially now that he is making an effort to be active.

We were told by a Bishop, once, of a story of an older couple, who went to confess about having pre-marital sex, yet still sealed in the Temple, raised their kids, sent kids on Mission, saw them married in Temples, served faithfully but yet, still felt the need to confess to their Bishop. The Bishop said they were forgiven due to all their services and pain they endured all this time.

[LA Ute]

Well his bishop is his judge in Israel, and the Church handbook of instruction spells out rather clearly how things work when it comes to a confession that puts your membership in jeopardy. He may find that his old bishop or high council disfellowshipped him. I know that different bishops react differently to sins, but this is the big, second-only-to-murder, deal that we all think it is.

The covenant of marriage demands fidelity, even in an extra-religious sense.

He violated the covenant, the wife has a right to know. Is that right at this point an odious horrible burden to shoulder? Hell yes! But, does her right to know overwhelm his need to tell her, her comfort, her ability to enter the Gospel and accept it. If he gets sealed to her in the temple without telling her, that's as much a betrayal as anything because he would be lying, and the ceremony reminds us, in plain language, that God will not be mocked. He would be mocking her and mocking God by entering into the greatest of all covenants unworthily.

He has to tell her. No matter how much it sucks for both of them, if she continues in the Gospel, he has to tell her.

Sometimes we have to forgive ourselves, but this one violated a covenant he made her, even if it was before the law, it was still a promise he broke.

This is just dreadful; I think by not telling her he is continuing his infidelity because he fears worldly consequences more than spiritual consequences.

If my wife had had an affair, I would be crushed, but I would forgive her. I love her no matter what or who she does. If she didn't tell me about the affair, I would be crushed. I would want to know.

If I were him, I'd go talk to my current bishop. Even though he's just someone who lives in his ward, he holds the keys.

I just found this thread, thanks to wuap's bump. Without knowing all the details, I agree with him. I can't get past the idea that simply delaying the confession that should have been made long ago somehow removes one's duty to make it. If that's true, then why ever confess? Just wait, and the painful duty goes away. Doesn't make sense to me.

Assuming the guy hasn't already made this right with his wife, I think he should carefully consider it, honestly pray about it, and get counsel from a bishop he trusts. (The bishop can't tell the wife, so the conversation is safely confidential.) Then do what he feels is right and be done with it.

[Portland Ute]

He shouldn't tell his wife or anybody else at this point. That would be a very selfish thing to do, in my opinion. He should keep it to himself and let his wife live without that horrible burden of knowing he cheated.

If he's gone ten years without cheating again and his relationship with his wife is good, that's enough repentance in my book. Leave the Church leaders out of it. God will understand.

Does it really make sense that unless Church leaders and his wife hear about his affair, God will not extend his marriage beyond death? Only if you believe in a totally lame, stupid God.

Scary, but I agree. I think after 10 more years of water under the bridge, he's on his own on this one. It would be unfair to his wife and kids at this point. This is the burden he must bare. If he's been faithful for 10 years, then I think he needs to move on and keep this to himself.

[wuapinmon]

bump

[cowboy]

I was wondering about an update as well

Well, we moved into the ward in December, and they started coming to church in February. They were on our minds a lot because we knew the situation. Three weeks ago, we were called to be ward missionaries and I'm teaching Gospel Principles. I'll keep you posted.

[Gidget]

Actually I was just hoping for an update on the story if there is one.....this has fascinated me....I think it would make for one helluva a short story in talented hands.

I was wondering about an update as well

[wuapinmon]

You only did that because you want us to read your gross scrotum post again. We all know you're only kidding, because nobody would carry around a dime-bag sized purse?

Actually I was just hoping for an update on the story if there is one.....this has fascinated me....I think it would make for one helluva a short story in talented hands.

[Donuthole]

bump

You only did that because you want us to read your gross scrotum post again. We all know you're only kidding, because nobody would carry around a dime-bag sized purse?

[wuapinmon]

bump

[bluegoose]

My wife's purse is my scrotum, tanned and sueded. She had my testicles made into earrings and wears them to parties at work and Church so people know who controls everything.

The purse is too large and the earrings really are awkwardly big.

Following the Steelblue policy of acknowledging a funny, this one made me laugh. And I'm not proud of that fact.

[wuapinmon]

That is assuming that both of your testicles are not already in her purse.

My wife's purse is my scrotum, tanned and sueded. She had my testicles made into earrings and wears them to parties at work and Church so people know who controls everything.

The purse is too large and the earrings really are awkwardly big.

[Gidget]

Please forgive me for saying you were childless. It was ignorant and callous.

You are forgiven.

[SeattleUte]

None of you really know me. Other than my husband. I am the most forgiving person I have ever known in my life. I am. In my youth this was often taken for granted by people and could have been considered a fault, but as I get older I realize this isn't something I have ever had to work on. It truly is a blessing. I see the feelings and emotions behind revenge, jealousy, vengeance, and anger when you should be forgiving (and I can get why people react that way), but I don't feel those things. I really am just plain forgiving. I do realize that my reactions in certain situations are not normal, but like I said it is just the way I am made. I can't not forgive. I just can't. If my husband cheated on me 10 years prior, I wouldn't WANTto know, that would suck to hear, but I SHOULD KNOW, and that makes me want to know. That and knowing my capacity to forgive. Regardless of how long I have been married, I know this would be my reaction in this SPECIFIC situation.

Please forgive me for saying you were childless. It was ignorant and callous.

[KillerDog]

Killer, I love you, you big dog. But that sounds really unprofessional.

It was unprofessional. I completely lost it. If she had been a man...

[FN Phat]

I asked my wife and she said she would want to know and if I gave her my left testicle then she would forgive me, I tried to barter with the right one, no dice. We are now in the process of a divorce.

That is assuming that both of your testicles are not already in her purse.