Repentance and confession - What would you do?

[SeattleUte]

Speaking of childless, my wife and I were unable to naturally conceive for a long time. During that time a receptionist, in a fit of irritation at me, told me that she hoped I never had children because I would be a bad father. Apparently, she was not aware that we had been unable to have children and accidentally stepped on that land mine. I used every combination of profanity I had ever heard in my response to her. It wasn't pretty, she cried. My secretary thought I was being unkind until she heard the whole story then she went and yelled too.

That whole childless thing can get people pretty riled up.

Killer, I love you, you big dog. But that sounds really unprofessional.

[cougjunkie]

I forgot Gidget and Surfah had a kid. Sorry. It's a factual error, not like an attack on one's character.

Liar.

[SeattleUte]

I forgot Gidget and Surfah had a kid. Sorry. It's a factual error, not like an attack on one's character.

[KillerDog]

No, you have not. But you have mischaracterized others and have been out of line.

Actually, come to think of it, I have no way of knowing if you have ever accused someone of being childless. Maybe you have.

Speaking of childless, my wife and I were unable to naturally conceive for a long time. During that time a receptionist, in a fit of irritation at me, told me that she hoped I never had children because I would be a bad father. Apparently, she was not aware that we had been unable to have children and accidentally stepped on that land mine. I used every combination of profanity I had ever heard in my response to her. It wasn't pretty, she cried. My secretary thought I was being unkind until she heard the whole story then she went and yelled too.

That whole childless thing can get people pretty riled up.

[cougjunkie]

I asked my wife and she said she would want to know and if I gave her my left testicle then she would forgive me, I tried to barter with the right one, no dice. We are now in the process of a divorce.

[Jeff Lebowski]

None of you really know me. Other than my husband. I am the most forgiving person I have ever known in my life. I am. In my youth this was often taken for granted by people and could have been considered a fault, but as I get older I realize this isn't something I have ever had to work on. It truly is a blessing. I see the feelings and emotions behind revenge, jealousy, vengeance, and anger when you should be forgiving (and I can get why people react that way), but I don't feel those things. I really am just plain forgiving. I do realize that my reactions in certain situations are not normal, but like I said it is just the way I am made. I can't not forgive. I just can't. If my husband cheated on me 10 years prior, I wouldn't WANTto know, that would suck to hear, but I SHOULD KNOW, and that makes me want to know. That and knowing my capacity to forgive. Regardless of how long I have been married, I know this would be my reaction in this SPECIFIC situation.

Good for you, Gidget. The ability to forgive will be a great blessing in your life.

[TripletDaddy]

Correct me if I'm mistaken, but I've never accused a parent of being childless. That's a pretty egregious mischaracterization. Perhaps if you had kids you would understand.

No, you have not. But you have mischaracterized others and have been out of line.

Actually, come to think of it, I have no way of knowing if you have ever accused someone of being childless. Maybe you have.

[Babs]

Reading comprehension alert!

Just said it was interesting, not settled.

The question I'm interested in is "is it selfish to tell?" I think the opinion of those on the receiving end would be quite relevant. So we have "5 or so" of these relevant opinions to weigh against a bunch of guys and a single woman (sort of reminds me of the SP lesson in RS on sexual dysfunction...).

This issue isn't nearly as clearcut as some would like to make it.

I think another factor is how much premarital sexual experience a couple has had. A wife who truly believes she's the only woman her husband has ever touched is going to suffer an additional blow from uncovering her husband's infidelity. That may have an impact on whether or not she would want to be told. A woman who already knows her husband has had X partners is still going to be hurt, but not on as many levels as her counterpart would.

[Babs]

look who's talking.

Correct me if I'm mistaken, but I've never accused a parent of being childless. That's a pretty egregious mischaracterization. Perhaps if you had kids you would understand.

[TripletDaddy]

Reading comprehension alert!

Just said it was interesting, not settled.

Sassy.

The question I'm interested in is "is it selfish to tell?" I think the opinion of those on the receiving end would be quite relevant. So we have "5 or so" of these relevant opinions to weigh against a bunch of guys and a single woman (sort of reminds me of the SP lesson in RS on sexual dysfunction...).

Well, we also have a few of us whose wives said they would want to know.

Also, since this is really about relationships, not "marriage" per se, BBB's opinion doesn't require her to be married, at least not imo.

This issue isn't nearly as clearcut as some would like to make it.

No, it is not.

[TripletDaddy]

Seattle, unless I misread you, you're mischaracterizing Gidget and way out of line.

look who's talking.

[FN Phat]

Surfah may be right that her position wouldn't change in ten years. Still, it is hard for me to escape the idea that the longer you are married the more there is to lose and that this would factor into ones position. SU is right about that much, IMO.

I agree with that. People change and so do the feelings for one another. That being said, knowing Gidget, she will not have a change of heart on that.

[Gidget]

Rationally she would want to know now so if you did cheat she could easily cashier you before children, etc.

Wow, this makes you look like an idiot on many levels

[Gidget]

None of you really know me. Other than my husband. I am the most forgiving person I have ever known in my life. I am. In my youth this was often taken for granted by people and could have been considered a fault, but as I get older I realize this isn't something I have ever had to work on. It truly is a blessing. I see the feelings and emotions behind revenge, jealousy, vengeance, and anger when you should be forgiving (and I can get why people react that way), but I don't feel those things. I really am just plain forgiving. I do realize that my reactions in certain situations are not normal, but like I said it is just the way I am made. I can't not forgive. I just can't. If my husband cheated on me 10 years prior, I wouldn't WANTto know, that would suck to hear, but I SHOULD KNOW, and that makes me want to know. That and knowing my capacity to forgive. Regardless of how long I have been married, I know this would be my reaction in this SPECIFIC situation.

[Surfah]

Except Gidge and Surf have a toddler, numbskull.

LOL. We all know SU doesn't read anything before posting.