Post tithing settlement thoughts...

[Surfah]

But without such a person available, it is nice to have a place that you can openly air out the dirty laundry. CUF would have been a god-send for me if it had been around 7-10 years ago.

Do you think it would/could have changed anything? Or would it have just been an outlet?

[UtahDan]

That's right. But I'm not sure that's such a good thing. It would be better if a person could speak more candidly with family and trusted members. People they actually know and who might be able to be more helpful and encouraging as the member struggles.

Yes, that would be nice. But it is not reality nor am I sure it is practical.

[Jacob]

But without such a person available, it is nice to have a place that you can openly air out the dirty laundry. CUF would have been a god-send for me if it had been around 7-10 years ago.

The problem is, here you get as many people looking to help you see the light as you do people helping you see the darkness. Each can make up his own mind as to which side is the darkness.

From a perspective of keeping the faith, I think this board is not nearly as helpful as having real people in your life to have honest discussions with. After all, the church is all about feeling the spirit.

[pellegrino]

Yes, that would be nice. But it is not reality nor am I sure it is practical.

why not? I would think that under the right leadership it could work out very nicely.

[UtahDan]

Do you think it would/could have changed anything? Or would it have just been an outlet?

Getting a chance to talk things out couldn't have made it worse, I wouldn't think.

[Jarid in Cedar]

Do you think it would/could have changed anything? Or would it have just been an outlet?

Yeah, it could have made a difference. It is useful to see how others deal with shades of grey and maintain faith. I would have been nice to converse with others who struggled the same way I did. Every outlet that I had at the time(irl and on the internet) were very black and white. It was as if you had to choose between "all in" or "all out". I couldn't be all in, so I ended up on the other side of the fence.

[Tick's wife]

I somewhat agree with DDD. I think it depends on what kind of bishop you have. I've had bishops who I would trust with pretty much anything, and I've had others to whom I would never tell anything. If you believe your bishop to be the trustworthy kind who won't let things slip, I think sharing something like you did is fine, and I wouldn't worry about it.

Our Bishop is the SP SIL....we will be on a list for sure.

[Jarid in Cedar]

The problem is, here you get as many people looking to help you see the light as you do people helping you see the darkness. Each can make up his own mind as to which side is the darkness.

From a perspective of keeping the faith, I think this board is not nearly as helpful as having real people in your life to have honest discussions with. After all, the church is all about feeling the spirit.

I don't think the value is in helping one keep the faith as much as being able to converse with like thinking members without being branded a heretic, apostate, etc. Being able to do so may help some stay with the faith whereas they may have fallen away otherwise.

[UtahDan]

why not? I would think that under the right leadership it could work out very nicely.

How do you envision that unfolding?

[Surfah]

Yeah, it could have made a difference. It is useful to see how others deal with shades of grey and maintain faith. I would have been nice to converse with others who struggled the same way I did. Every outlet that I had at the time(irl and on the internet) were very black and white. It was as if you had to choose between "all in" or "all out". I couldn't be all in, so I ended up on the other side of the fence.

Now that you have something like CUF and being on the other side of the fence do you think there is any room to move back to the middle? Or is it a once you're out, you're out kind of deal? I guess I am just wondering if CUF can provide some sort of reconciliation now seeing how others here handle it. Sorry if I am prying, but I am genuinely interested.

[pellegrino]

How do you envision that unfolding?

I think there could be multiple ways of doing it, but if leaders and instructors showed genuine interest in members who are struggling (it's not too hard to pick them out) gained their trust and maybe discussed things with them outside of quorum, then it wouldn't be tough to make quorum meetings a safe safe place then I think it could work.

SIEQ would probably have more to say about this than I do.

[DrumNFeather]

I think there could be multiple ways of doing it, but if leaders and instructors showed genuine interest in members who are struggling (it's not too hard to pick them out) gained their trust and maybe discussed things with them outside of quorum, then it wouldn't be tough to make quorum meetings a safe safe place then I think it could work.

SIEQ would probably have more to say about this than I do.

I think this would be an interesting approach and wonder if anyone would bite. One of the prevailing thoughts here seems to be in many cases that leadership cannot and should not be trusted, so one has to wonder if someone who was struggling were to be approached by his or her leader if he or she would be open to a dialogue.

[pellegrino]

I think this would be an interesting approach and wonder if anyone would bite. One of the prevailing thoughts here seems to be in many cases that leadership cannot and should not be trusted, so one has to wonder if someone who was struggling were to be approached by his or her leader if he or she would be open to a dialogue.

Recently I've become closer friends with my EQP. His wife and mine are good friends and we all get a long well, have kids that are similar ages, etc. He (and is wife) are fully committed, have never had a crisis of faith, but they have had good friends who have left the church and they recognize that people can have issues with the church. We've had some good conversations and I've shared opinions with him that normally I wouldn't share elsewhere. He's gaining my trust because he's showing that he cares for me and my opinions more than the dogma of the church or my "eternal salvation." It will be interesting to see where things go.

[TripletDaddy]

Now that you have something like CUF and being on the other side of the fence do you think there is any room to move back to the middle? Or is it a once you're out, you're out kind of deal? I guess I am just wondering if CUF can provide some sort of reconciliation now seeing how others here handle it. Sorry if I am prying, but I am genuinely interested.

Me, too, Jarid in Cedar.

Come back to the fold, we need more folks of your caliber amongst our ranks.

[UtahDan]

Recently I've become closer friends with my EQP. His wife and mine are good friends and we all get a long well, have kids that are similar ages, etc. He (and is wife) are fully committed, have never had a crisis of faith, but they have had good friends who have left the church and they recognize that people can have issues with the church. We've had some good conversations and I've shared opinions with him that normally I wouldn't share elsewhere. He's gaining my trust because he's showing that he cares for me and my opinions more than the dogma of the church or my "eternal salvation." It will be interesting to see where things go.

I certainly like the idea that there would be someone who would listen without judgment. If at the end of all that they would say "don't worry Brother Pelligrino, you don't have to believe any particular thing to enjoy our fellowship" and then could shepherd you back into a congregation where that was really true that would be a major win.