Open Mic Sunday

[wuapinmon]

I thought there was already a thread about crazy $#!+ or inaccurate doctrine that people "testify" of at Church. If so, delete this thread and bump the old one.

Anyway, today, a sister testified, as the backing proof of her general testimony about attending the temple that she "knew" that Elizabeth Smart was found BECAUSE her parents went to the temple every week while she was missing.

Our church is so full of superstitions that we make other superstitious cultures seem downright charming.

[grapevine]

Some deacons tv broke two weeks ago. best thing to happen and nfl is not family home evening. Someone forgot a birthday. People in tears. Some of what happened. Ours was fairly tame.

[clackamascoug]

Brother Joe is still trying to break the all time in a row record. A new convert got up and did a good job, but left us hanging without a proper closing. One person bore a 15 second testimony, as if to show that it could be done. A teenager stood at the pulpit for 75 seconds before speaking. I think she especially enjoyed that moment of power.

[grapevine]

One guy said I'm starting to ball like a baby and started to giggle than ended had to walk out front door of chapel. Another lady got up told of how she hates being served but has to accept it. Loves to serve but hates to accept it. Then said we need to donate our cans of soup if we have extra. I was giggling because that is exactly what I did at Halloween. Ran out of candy and donated plenty of soup.

[TXJason]

I was at a fast and testimony meeting about 15 years ago where some younger woman who rarely came to church got up, started crying and then told that she had been molested as a child by her bishop. When she was done with that, she fainted and laid on the floor behind the podium for a few minutes while the Bishopric attended to her for a few minutes. I never figured out if she was telling the truth or just wanted the attention as she was a strange woman.

When I lived in Florida about 10 years ago, a Hatian guy brought up a boom box during testimony meeting, hit the play button and then proceded to karaoke his testimony in Creole. When he was done, he hit rewind and re did it in English.

When I lived in Oregon a few years ago, there was an older Irish gentleman who would bear his testimony every month. His accent was so heavy no one understood a word he said.

[UtahDan]

When I lived in Oregon a few years ago, there was an older Irish gentleman who would bear his testimony every month. His accent was so heavy no one understood a word he said.

There is a women from the Filipino woman in our ward who is the same way. You can't make out almost anything. Imagine my surprise when I learned she came to the US more than 20 years ago.

[Moliere]

We had a New Orleans transplant that lived in our area for a while. Her last month she bore her testimony. At the end she sang a song. It was obviously an evangelical type song and the first verse talked about Christ. She then sang a second verse about Joseph Smith, which I'm 100% sure she wrote at some point. It was actually very well done, the lyrics were great and her voice was very good. Everyone enjoyed it.

The next month at ward conference we were instructed that singing your testimony is not appropriate during F&T meeting. Thankfully this lady had moved back so she didn't get the scorn of the stake. Honestly, I would take that lady's testimony over 98% of the testimonies I hear every month.

[TripletDaddy]

There is an RM homecoming today. The missionary served in Alabama. He has spent the majority of his talk sharing anecdotes about the KKK and how he and his comp tried to teach a discussion to one of the skinheads ("Bill") that punched Geraldo in the nose.

Also, he said that only the Grand Wizard wears red robes, everyone else wears white robes.

Sweet talk. It definitely kept my attentiion.

[pellegrino]

There is an RM homecoming today. The missionary served in Alabama. He has spent the majority of his talk sharing anecdotes about the KKK and how he and his comp tried to teach a discussion to one of the skinheads ("Bill") that punched Geraldo in the nose.

Also, he said that only the Grand Wizard wears red robes, everyone else wears white robes.

Sweet talk. It definitely kept my attentiion.

that's just what Utah Mormons need, more stereotypes about the South. Did he by chance mention dueling banjos, inbreeding, or how many ways squirrel can be cooked? If not he was derelict in his duty.

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

There is an RM homecoming today. The missionary served in Alabama. He has spent the majority of his talk sharing anecdotes about the KKK and how he and his comp tried to teach a discussion to one of the skinheads ("Bill") that punched Geraldo in the nose.

Also, he said that only the Grand Wizard wears red robes, everyone else wears white robes.

Sweet talk. It definitely kept my attentiion.

Gerlad got hit in the nose with a chair, not punched. I'm having a hard time believing him.
[YOUTUBE]S1KT1QoSCT8[/YOUTUBE]

Geraldo was some awesome TV, he would always have insane guests on. I wish that show was on Netflix or DVD. Too bad he lost his mind during the OJ trial.

[wuapinmon]

that's just what Utah Mormons need, more stereotypes about the South. Did he by chance mention dueling banjos, inbreeding, or how many ways squirrel can be cooked? If not he was derelict in his duty.

Yeah, basically, my life is one big Hee Haw episode.

[Uncle Ted]

There is an RM homecoming today. The missionary served in Alabama. He has spent the majority of his talk sharing anecdotes about the KKK and how he and his comp tried to teach a discussion to one of the skinheads ("Bill") that punched Geraldo in the nose.

Also, he said that only the Grand Wizard wears red robes, everyone else wears white robes.

Sweet talk. It definitely kept my attentiion.

hehe...

Those gullible Utah missionaries are so fun to play with. A friend of mine had the missionaries over for dinner and invited his "investigator" neighbor friend who looks like Deion Sanders over. One missionary was so convinced he had just given the first discussion to "Prime Time" he wrote home and told everyone about it. Apparently his proud mother told everyone in the ward he was going to baptize Deion.

[pellegrino]

Yeah, basically, my life is one big Hee Haw episode.

Roy Clark is my uncle. True story.

[YOhio]

that's just what Utah Mormons need, more stereotypes about the South. Did he by chance mention dueling banjos, inbreeding, or how many ways squirrel can be cooked? If not he was derelict in his duty.

I don't think it's just U-Mo's who think that about the South.

[Larry 'Moose' Stubing]

Well, last week some pregnant woman in my ward vomited at the pulpit, right into the mic. It was gross, I wanted to puke myself.