General Conference Predictions

[Color Me Badd Fan]

Percentage of MPs in the world that will cite to either one of Elder Eyring's talks or Elder Bednar's talks during a zone/mission conference | 54%

Percentage of MPs in the world that will cite to Elder L. Tom Perry's talk during a zone/mission conference | 1%

[jay santos]

Percentage of MPs in the world that will either cite to one of Elder Eyring's talks or Elder Bednar's talks during a zone/mission conference | 54%

Percentage of MPs in the world that will cite to Elder L. Tom Perry's talk during a zone/mission conference | 1%

Love it. Unfortunately before TSM became prophet he was in the 1% category with L Tom.

[jay santos]

Number of black guys in the MoTab Choir: 1
Percentage of time said black guy gets face coverage during MoTab songs: 45%
Angles from which they video camera the black guy: every possible angle short and long range given the # of cameras

[Color Me Badd Fan]

Number of widows mentioned in TSM's talks | suprisingly few this time.

Boys from TSM's time as a bishop that seem to have been suspiciously appeared in a Leave it to Beaver episode that will be mentioned in TSM's talks and play a part in a GC lol moment | 5

Number of the aforementioned boys that cross TSM's path later on in life and are also referenced in the same talk | 5

If you could only listen to one talk and you're depressed and need a pick-me-up | one of President Uchtdorf's talks.

[Tick's wife]

They'll keep playing better and better each Sunday until they're considered inactive, then their play will go back to the way it was the first time they played a round.

Not that I've ever experienced this. I've heard it from others....yeah, that's it.

lol, too late, we are already considered inactive, well, at least I am considered inactive.

[New Mexican Disaster]

Number of annual telephone calls received by me from my mother inquiring what my favorite GC talk was| 2

Number of times I will choose at random a GA name having no knowledge of what that GA said or if he did speak at all| 2

Number of times I will return the question| 2

percentage of time she will respond "they were all so good"| 100

[Drunk Tank]

lol, too late, we are already considered inactive, well, at least I am considered inactive.

Not true. You have been to church more than once this quarter. Doesnt the handbook say once a quarter is concidered active?

[SteelBlue]

Number of annual telephone calls received by me from my mother inquiring what my favorite GC talk was| 2

Number of times I will choose at random a GA name having no knowledge of what that GA said or if he did speak at all| 2

Number of times I will return the question| 2

percentage of time she will respond "they were all so good"| 100

Nicely done!

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

Number of current GAs that have refused to have their middle names and/or initials used when referring to them | 0

This is a practice I will protest when I'm called as a GA in a few years when they pluck me out of obscurity out of the primary teacher ranks. I like how just in case there is another Dieter Uchtdorf in the GA ranks of the future, we have to make sure that the current one is referred to as Dieter F. Uchtdorf.

I have started refusing to use the initial when I refer to a GA. I had one person tell me it was a sign of disrespect, I guess feeling that calling him President Monson wasn't respectful. He has earned that S!

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

Number of dramatic podium shifts by Richard Scott to look at the other teleprompter camera audience.|3

[Pheidippides]

My general conference weekend will look like this:

1. Saturday morning session - mow the lawn and do yard work.

2. Saturday afternoon session - Sit in media room with family while GC is on. Claim to be listening to conference in Japanese on laptop, but really watch football on ESPN 360.

3. Priesthood session - get dressed and go. Take motorcycle so as to have a plausible excuse for not wearing a tie. Rev motorcycle extra loud to announce arrival. Skip pre-session "BBQ" because the creators thereof are still operating under Utah BBQ assumptions, as they have every year. Think of sitting with dad as a deacon up in the rafters of the Marriott center, privately atoning for sins, and somehow let thoughts drive to Douglas Adams bit on sandwiches in Britain.

4. Sunday morning - back in media room with family. Start game of "Let's Mock the Accent" with wife. Remark how Sheri Dew is the only woman speaker you can stand to listen to, since the accent is like scraping fingernails on the chalkboard of my eardrums. Start talking about the time younger brother asked Sheri Dew on a date. Twice. Good times.

5. Sunday afternoon - Sleep through it on couch. Wake up to watch last half of TSM talk. Check fantasy football scores.

All sessions are started 30 minutes late, except for priesthood, and we fast forward through prayers, songs, and talks by women if SHW is not in the room. The last is because of the accent, not because of any specific sexism (just general sexism).

[Art Vandelay]

Start talking about the time younger brother asked Sheri Dew on a date. Twice. Good times.

I don't recall you being so funny on CB, I thought you were like DDD just deliberately trying to piss off the masses most of the time (which I greatly respect BTW).

Your younger brother? Wouldn't that make Elder Sister Dew a good 20 years older than him? Please share the full account.

PS My BIL lives in Humble Tx, is that close to your side of the city?

[Pheidippides]

I don't recall your being so funny on CB, I thought you were like DDD just deliberately trying to piss off the masses most of the time (which I greatly respect BTW).

Your younger brother? Wouldn't that make Elder Sister Dew a good 20 years older than him? Please share the full account.

PS My BIL lives in Humble Tx, is that close to your side of the city?

I was just like DDD, trying to piss off the masses. I was very good at it too. But this is a different place, as I think most people figure out when they come.

The story is pretty much as simple as I described. Younger brother who is good looking and bold as all get out is at some church function or other, Sheri Dew is there, he asks her out in all seriousness. She laughs and politely declines. Same story a few months later. Yes, the age difference is at least 20 years.

I sent you a PM on the last bit.

[Tim]

There, I fixed that for you.

Pendejo's not a bad word in Spain. It's roughly equivalent to "jerk."

[LA Ute]

And every one will be obligated to tell a story about an African or South American sister they met that had to travel a long distance to get to the temple.

Those things do actually happen, you know.

I will be hoping my less-active son actually goes to a session and that something someone says reaches him in some positive way.