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  • #1

    General Conference Predictions

    I've heard that we're going to hear about some very significant changes this weekend!

    Here are my predictions:

    Prayers given by GAs that really can't speak English | 2

    Short prayers given by GAs to bring home the point that prayers given in public are sometimes gratuitous and too long (aka the GA equivalent of the black power salute) | 1

    The amount of time during the Relief Society President/Counselor/Young Womens General President/Counselor's 15 minute talk when she's grinning like Jack Nicholson from Batman | 14 minutes and 12 seconds

    The number of times "priesthood power/power of the priesthood w/10 of family, home and blessings," "principles," and "Monson" are collectively mentioned in the aforementioned talk | 92

    Quotes cited as coming from "The Poet" | 3

    Number of lol moments | 15

    Number of lol moments that are lol moments in any other setting | 5

    Percentage of people attending the conference that are lilly-white, cornfed Mormons from the US | 95%.

    Percentage of pictures in the ensign showing the other 5% | 66%

    References to Emma Smith | 4

    Number of times Brigham Young rolls over in his grave | 4
    Part of it is based on academic grounds. Among major conferences, the Pac-10 is the best academically, largely because of Stanford, Cal and UCLA. “Colorado is on a par with Oregon,” he said. “Utah isn’t even in the picture.”
    Tags: world actually flat, wuap poops in bathrooms
  • #2
    nice work.

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    • #3
      number of buckets of golf balls hit by me | 6 or more
      "Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill


      "I only know what I hear on the news." - Dear Leader

      Comment

      • #4
        Originally posted by Color Me Badd Fan View Post
        I've heard that we're going to hear about some very significant changes this weekend!

        Here are my predictions:

        Prayers given by GAs that really can't speak English | 2

        Short prayers given by GAs to bring home the point that prayers given in public are sometimes gratuitous and too long (aka the GA equivalent of the black power salute) | 1

        The amount of time during the Relief Society President/Counselor/Young Womens General President/Counselor's 15 minute talk when she's grinning like Jack Nicholson from Batman | 14 minutes and 12 seconds

        The number of times "priesthood power/power of the priesthood w/10 of family, home and blessings," "principles," and "Monson" are collectively mentioned in the aforementioned talk | 92

        Quotes cited as coming from "The Poet" | 3

        Number of lol moments | 15

        Number of lol moments that are lol moments in any other setting | 5

        Percentage of people attending the conference that are lilly-white, cornfed Mormons from the US | 95%.

        Percentage of pictures in the ensign showing the other 5% | 66%

        References to Emma Smith | 4

        Number of times Brigham Young rolls over in his grave | 4
        Nice.

        Although I'd put
        number of lol moments: 26
        number of times actual people with real senses of humor lol: 0

        also # of Monson trifectas: 2

        (tears were shed, hearts were warmed, a good time was had by all)

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        • #5
          Number of times the word "even" is used in a totally odd spot where someone outside the LDS church wouldn't understand the usage | 6

          Percentage of content of talks, outside of Elder Oak's talk, that uses active voice | 8%

          Number of attractive girls in the BYU Choir that performs at whatever session of GC | 2

          Number of attractive Laurels in the choir cobbled together from a few stakes in the Salt Lake area (no accusations of being Polanski in-utero please!) | 30

          Year in which the hairdos on the MOTAB members were actually in fashion | never

          Average weight by APPEARANCES coming from the unflattering dresses that the MOTAB female members are forced to wear but which do not reflect their actual weight | 212 lbs
          Part of it is based on academic grounds. Among major conferences, the Pac-10 is the best academically, largely because of Stanford, Cal and UCLA. “Colorado is on a par with Oregon,” he said. “Utah isn’t even in the picture.”

          Comment

          • #6
            I stay away from CUF after general conference the way I avoid Cougarboard after a loss.
            "It's devastating, because we lost to a team that's not even in the Pac-12. To lose to Utah State is horrible." - John White IV

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            • #7
              I miss the running color commentary by Adam on GC weekend.
              "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
              "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
              "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

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              • #8
                Percentage of married women after viewing a session of GC that suspect that their husbands are viewing porn and are total pervs | 95%

                Percentage of women over the age of 50 that wish they were married to President Uchtdorf instead of their current husbands | 92%
                Part of it is based on academic grounds. Among major conferences, the Pac-10 is the best academically, largely because of Stanford, Cal and UCLA. “Colorado is on a par with Oregon,” he said. “Utah isn’t even in the picture.”

                Comment

                • #9
                  Originally posted by Color Me Badd Fan View Post
                  Percentage of women over the age of 50 that wish they were married to President Uchtdorf instead of their current husbands | 92%
                  lol - my sister (turns 50 next year) says he's the best looking male human she's ever seen in person...

                  I think he kinda looks like the "let's get ready to rumble!" guy...

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
                    I miss the running color commentary by Adam on GC weekend.
                    CMBF's predictions are pretty good, however.
                    PLesa excuse the tpyos.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      Originally posted by statman View Post
                      lol - my sister (turns 50 next year) says he's the best looking male human she's ever seen in person...

                      I think he kinda looks like the "let's get ready to rumble!" guy...
                      I was in Pres. Uchtdorf's home ward on my mission and I saw him a few times. He is a good looking man. He's the Cary Grant of the First Presidency, women love him and men want to be him (well, a younger version at least).
                      Part of it is based on academic grounds. Among major conferences, the Pac-10 is the best academically, largely because of Stanford, Cal and UCLA. “Colorado is on a par with Oregon,” he said. “Utah isn’t even in the picture.”

                      Comment

                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Color Me Badd Fan View Post
                        men want to be him (well, a younger version at least).
                        speak for yourself.
                        PLesa excuse the tpyos.

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Originally posted by il Padrino Ute View Post
                          number of buckets of golf balls hit by me | 6 or more
                          Number of defenseless animals slayed by me: 1(hopefully)
                          "The first thing I learned upon becoming a head coach after fifteen years as an assistant was the enormous difference between making a suggestion and making a decision."

                          "They talk about the economy this year. Hey, my hairline is in recession, my waistline is in inflation. Altogether, I'm in a depression."

                          "I like to bike. I could beat Lance Armstrong, only because he couldn't pass me if he was behind me."

                          -Rick Majerus

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                          • #14
                            Number of football games at the University of Notre Dame which I will attend: one.
                            τὸν ἥλιον ἀνατέλλοντα πλείονες ἢ δυόμενον προσκυνοῦσιν

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Color Me Badd Fan View Post
                              I was in Pres. Uchtdorf's home ward on my mission and I saw him a few times. He is a good looking man. He's the Cary Grant of the First Presidency, women love him and men want to be him (well, a younger version at least).
                              When were you there? My nephew got home from Frankfurt a couple years ago - was also in his home ward. Says his grandchildren drink COKE! Actually kinda shocking for Germans - who think that decaf coffee is 100% perfectly okay, but coke drinkers are going straight to hell. At least those in the Munich mission did - 25 years ago...

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