Worst date you've ever been on

[SteelBlue]

My all time worst isn't really a good story, just the overall feeling of the date. Freshman year at the Y and my buddy reeeeaaallly wanted to go out with a certain girl. He begged me to be his wingman and take her roommate out. They decided to hike the Y. The roommate felt like she was cheating on some guy back home just by being on the date and so really didn't talk the entire time. Of course my buddy and the other girl hit it off and basically disappeared leaving me with 2 hours of pure hell trying to keep myself entertained. Lame story, I know, but it sucked.

Best story and probably 2nd worst date ( 2nd worst only because it technically didn't happen with MY date) actually occurred on a tennis court. Again, I was a wingman and was entertaining a roommate while a friend wooed someone he really liked. The date was doubles tennis which was to be followed by dinner somewhere. I'm not a good tennis player, but the rest of them were. The girl my buddy was with stayed planted at the net and was destroying us all night. So at one point I get a pretty easy shot hit at me and I get one of the beautiful strokes on it where you just know it's got great speed coming off of your racket. It caught net girl by surprise because I hadn't hit one that hard all night, and it caught her flush on the nose. Mind you, I don't have the control to hit someone even if I had wanted to, that's just where it went. You may remember that scene in meet the parents where Greg finally gets a spike in that water volleyball game and smashes the bride to be's nose? Well, I did it 10 years before Ben Stiller ever thought of it. Blood everywhere, immediate swelling, girl hitting the ground crying. Awful, awful moment. Needless to say, the evening was over. No second date for my buddy either.

[Solon]

My all time worst isn't really a good story, just the overall feeling of the date. Freshman year at the Y and my buddy reeeeaaallly wanted to go out with a certain girl. He begged me to be his wingman and take her roommate out. They decided to hike the Y. The roommate felt like she was cheating on some guy back home just by being on the date and so really didn't talk the entire time. Of course my buddy and the other girl hit it off and basically disappeared leaving me with 2 hours of pure hell trying to keep myself entertained. Lame story, I know, but it sucked.

Best story and probably 2nd worst date ( 2nd worst only because it technically didn't happen with MY date) actually occurred on a tennis court. Again, I was a wingman and was entertaining a roommate while a friend wooed someone he really liked. The date was doubles tennis which was to be followed by dinner somewhere. I'm not a good tennis player, but the rest of them were. The girl my buddy was with stayed planted at the net and was destroying us all night. So at one point I get a pretty easy shot hit at me and I get one of the beautiful strokes on it where you just know it's got great speed coming off of your racket. It caught net girl by surprise because I hadn't hit one that hard all night, and it caught her flush on the nose. Mind you, I don't have the control to hit someone even if I had wanted to, that's just where it went. You may remember that scene in meet the parents where Greg finally gets a spike in that water volleyball game and smashes the bride to be's nose? Well, I did it 10 years before Ben Stiller ever thought of it. Blood everywhere, immediate swelling, girl hitting the ground crying. Awful, awful moment. Needless to say, the evening was over. No second date for my buddy either.

I was wingman for MRD one night in high school, as he made good on a family promise to go out with some girl. We arrived on time, but the girl was still on her afternoon date. Her mom was nice, though, and made us smoothies while we watched football, so I guess it wasn't the worst date ever. The girl and her friend were pretty lame, though.

Best date ever was when MRD stood up at the little restaurant we were in with our dates and asked the one-man-band if he knew "More Than Words" by Extreme. The guitarist said that he knew the tune, but not the words. "No problem," said MRD. So he stood up and sang the song while the guitarist accompanied. Hands-down one of the coolest things I've ever seen. He brought the house down.

[PaloAltoCougar]

You may remember that scene in meet the parents where Greg finally gets a spike in that water volleyball game and smashes the bride to be's nose? Well, I did it 10 years before Ben Stiller ever thought of it. Blood everywhere, immediate swelling, girl hitting the ground crying. Awful, awful moment. Needless to say, the evening was over. No second date for my buddy either.

Nice, and even better as I imagine you in a thong swimsuit out on the court.

One of my more memorable outings was with a very attractive woman in the DT student ward into which I had just transferred. I was wondering why she was so readily available, but discovered in the first five minutes of our date that she had the personality of a tree stump. I thought I was on that night, and I was throwing her my best stuff. The other couple was laughing throughout the evening, but from my date: Nothing. And she didn't try to engage at all. But late in the evening, on the ELWC Skyroom dance floor, she finally leaned in to say something for the first time and asked: "Do you know the seven danger signals of cancer?" At first, I thought the question was so sublime in its randomness I burst out laughing. But I could see she was very serious, and I wasn't sure if she was trying to self-diagnose or was simply prepping for Monday's Health 130 final. I quickly sobered up, and with mock seriousness, turned to other couples on the floor and asked them for help. "Difficulty in swallowing", "Sore that is slow to heal", "Persistent cough", etc., came the replies. My date never spoke to me again.

[venkman]

Best date ever was when MRD stood up at the little restaurant we were in with our dates and asked the one-man-band if he knew "More Than Words" by Extreme. The guitarist said that he knew the tune, but not the words. "No problem," said MRD. So he stood up and sang the song while the guitarist accompanied. Hands-down one of the coolest things I've ever seen. He brought the house down.

That is awesome.

[thesaint258]

My worst date has to be my one and only blind date. This was my first date after getting back from my mission. I have no idea what my friend was thinking. I pick the girl up, and she didn't look anything like what my friend described. I thought, "Great, I can't believe I fell for Amy's nonsense." I figured even if she wasn't attractive, she could still be a lot of fun. Little did I know Amy's embellishment of my date was the least of my problems.

We went to dinner first, and before we finished with the entrée, she said, "I really like you, and there's something I have to tell you." She told me the story about how she got pregnant and decided to have the kid. The father didn't stick around, but she tried to raise the kid by herself. After three years or so, she realized she wasn't going to be a successful single mom, so her aunt and uncle adopted the kid. My date then had to stay away for a while so the kid learned that the aunt was mommy. (Realize I condensed her 30-40 minute story into this paragraph.)

When she was done I must've looked like a deer staring at headlights. We continued with the date, but when I took her home, I made up a story about having early meetings the next day. To this day, I haven't been able to bring myself to go on another blind date.

[cougjunkie]

Worst date ever for me happened right after highschool. The night before this date, I went out with my wife for the first time, we stood at her doorstep talking until the sun came up. I knew I wanted to get serious with her, but that night I had already planned another date a few weeks earlier. This girl was basically a booty call, we had made out a few times but nothing more, she had a semi-boyfriend who was away at boot camp, so basically we just hooked up when it was convenient. She told me she wanted to actually start dating so we decided to go to a movie. The whole day I was dead tired from being out with my future wife the whole night, went to a movie, I couldnt stop thinking about the date the night before and halfway through the movie I told the girl it wasnt going to work and I took her home.

Ok so that was probably her worst date ever, after I took her home it was about 10, and I drove about an hour to my wifes house, knocked on her bedroom window, she came outside and we hung out again until about 7am.

[SteelBlue]

she finally leaned in to say something for the first time and asked: "Do you know the seven danger signals of cancer?"

That is hilarious. You know that somewhere out there a man is married to this beautiful woman and every time they appear together in public people probably whisper "how'd he get her? Little do they know what that poor man is enduring day after day. But I'll bet he know his 7 signals.

[Surfah]

Freshman year at DT. We had a "party" during one of those lame 2 hour periods when girls could come up on the floor. Anyway, I meet this girl who was pretty cute and we get to talking only to find out she's 16 and goes to Provo HS. Anyway, she tells me she wants to set me up with her sister who is going to Southern Utah. She talks her sister up big time, that she's a lifeguard at 7 Peaks during the summer, etc. So we exchange info.

I don't know if you guys remember Ychat. But we used that to talk a few times as I wasn't sure I wanted to do this blind date. The online chat turned into a phone call and then a date one weekend when she was going to be in town. We also exchanged pictures. She sent me a headshot and she seemed cute enough. But like Kip from Napoleon Dynamite I was a bit TO'd that she didn't send me a full body. But I figure if she spends summers at 7 Peaks saving lives in a bathing suit she has to be alright. I didn't have a car so she tells me she'll pick me up and meet me in the lobby of my dorm.

I sent my roommate and buddies down first on a recon mission. The news they reported with was not good. In fact their report was nothing more than hysterical laughter. Well, upon first sight I had to seriously suppress my disappointment. This girl did not look anything like her 16 year old sister, and vaguely resembled the picture she sent me. I wanted to go right back up in the elevator and hide but I went anyway.

First stop was Los Hermanos. We had a nice dinner and conversation but we finished dinner relatively early. I don't even think it was 8pm at this point. Awkward timing as I didn't want to end the date like that. She was also way into me and very touchy-feely. After dinner she suggests a movie so we go to Movies 8. Since I paid for dinner she offered to buy the movie tickets ($2 ). I can't remember why but I stayed in her car (an old full size van that looked like a pedo van with the plush carpeting) while she jumped out to buy tickets. She comes back to the van and tells me she got tickets for the 10:30 showing. I about died.

So now we're cruising around Provo with nearly 3 hours to kill before I have to spend 2 hours at a movie with her. We get a Zuka Juice and then she suggests we swing by her home. Now I have to meet the family. We show up and I swear this thing is choreographed because her family of 7 is waiting for us lined up in the living room when we get there to shake my hand. They're telling me that they have heard all sorts of nice things about me etc., etc. I wanted to kill the sister who set me up who was snickering the whole time. We spent an awkward couple of hours there until the movie started.

We get in the movie and she starts putting the moves on me. First her hand is on my hand. So I fold my arms. Then her hand is on my knee. So I cross my legs. Then her hand is high on my thigh. So I turned in my seat and gave her the booty block and put my back to her. I just wanted to get home.

This marathon date is finally over. She pulls into the parking lot at DT. I tell her thanks and jump out and don't look back. No hug. No nothing.

She stalked me for awhile after that. She'd blow up our phone almost hourly. At first my friends thought it was funny so they'd answer and hand me the phone saying it was my mom or something. But when she kept at it they realized she was a bit psycho. I tried to be nice and just fade her out over time, but ultimately I had to be a dick and tell her not to call me anymore and that I was disappointed that she had misrepresented herself to me. That finally did it.

Worse date ever.

[Jeff Lebowski]

I was in a student ward at BYU and we did a dating activity where the names all went into a hat and you were randomly paired with someone else in the ward. There was a new girl from Oregon/Washington in the ward and she was stunningly beautiful. All the guys were hoping to get paired up. Yours Truly won the lottery and I anxiously awaited the date. Sadly, she turned out to be one of the most boring people I have ever met. Not very bright. No personality. No sense of humor. After a while, I couldn't wait for the date to be over.

[Gidget]

Only blind date I ever went on. It was awful. A missionary who taught me set me up with his friend right after I moved to Utah. So the guy picks me up in this rally car with serious tint, ground effects, and street glow. On the way over to our mutual friends we get stopped by the cops and he has to admit that it is his brother's car, we get a warning. He totally sits on the opposite side of the room as me, as we watch a 2 hour movie. On the way home he asks if I am hungry and I was so we go through the Wendy's drive thru. So we each get a meal and as we are pulling away from the window I grab a few fries from inside the bag and take a bite. He pulls into a parking slot suddenly and says,"Will you pray with me before we continue with our meal?"

I was so glad to get home.

[RobinFinderson]

On my worst date I was somewhat responsible for seriously injuring the girl I was with. Rappelling was one of those Boyscout & Youth Conference staples that I decided to take up as a hobby. I didn't do very much climbing (just a bit of top-roping), but I got really good at rappelling, and could do just about any kind of drop you would see in a movie featuring Marines rappelling. I practiced on an old railroad bridge, with a drop of about 90'.

So one day I decided to take this girl rappelling. I had taught her just about everything I knew. We had started on some small walls to make sure that she had the basics. I thought that she was finally ready for the bridge. Well, the bridge is different than a wall, in that it is a total drop, with no physical contact with anything but the rope. I told her that the hardest part would be getting started, because it basically requires you to stand on the edge of the drop and slowly lean backwards until your your head is below anything that it might hit once you take your feet off. I also told her that it was very important that she keep her head and hair away from the carabiner, or her hair might get caught. Then I scrambled down the 90' to belay.

Well she got started, with me yelling up lots of encouragement, but she was terrified. Once she was safely below the bridge, without hitting her head, the only other thing that could go wrong would be for her to get her hair caught in the carabiner. This is exactly what she did. Instead of leaning backward so your body is perpendicular to the rope, with your strong hand holding the rope at the small of your back, she grabbed above the carabiner with both hands and started trying to come down the way a firefighter would slide down a pole. This put her hair into the carabiner. In snaked in a few inches, and it wasn't going to come out. The more she descended, the closer the carabiner came to her scalp. I couldn't do anything but belay and watch her hair rip out -- if I left my post and she couldn't hold up her own weight (she was panicking) she would fall. So I was stuck.

Well a good chunk of her hair came out when a bunch truck pulls up to watch. A big guy gets out and I yell to him that the girl is in danger. He runs up to the top of the bridge and pulls her up. She had a bald spot for many many years (still thin at the spot the last I heard from her in 2008).

[TripletDaddy]

I was wingman for my friend....he was semi-dating one of Faust's great-grandkids (or grandkid...not sure). Anyway, she was at BYU when we were there. This guy was smooth in the cheesy BYU way.....he had pre-purchased all the crap.....Martinellis, plastic flutes, etc....he also went to the library and checked out a poetry book. I guess this girl was into poetry and he wanted to pull a Groundhog Day.

My job was to double and act as the date for her friend. Her friend went to the U, so the entire date was taking place up in SLC. When we all met at the designated house, I was pleasantly surprised. The girl was cute. I thought that this could be wind up being a good time for all.

Part way into the date, it became evident that the girl I was with was not only an oxygen bandit, but she was a klutz. It was like the female version of Cousin Oliver from the Brady Bunch. We were eating dinner somewhere and this girl asks where I am from. I say, "Thousand Oaks." She says, "oh, where they make the salad dressing!" My friend had already received his mission call to New York. She asked him where he was serving and he said, "back East." She interrupts him and says excitedly, "India!?" To this day, my friend and I still will interrupt each other and say, "India?!" at the most inopportune times.

By mid-date, I had enough. It was excruciating. Plus, she had a real attitude about BYU and she thought she was really cool because she lived up on "The Bench" in SLC (oh, brother).

When we were getting back to the house for the final leg of the date, she and I hung back to let my friend and his date walk by themselves. Cousin Oliver offers to help me carry some of the stuff inside. She grabs the bag of Martinellis bottles. We walk about 10 steps and you hear the sound of several bottles of Martinelli's shattering on the ground. My friend comes out and is pissed that all his plans are ruined. The bottles had also cracked the plastic flutes. And had spilled onto the VHS movie we had rented. and all over my friend's poetry book.

The date ended badly and we never returned.

[SteelBlue]

I just remembered another one. First date after the mission with an old HS friend. Everyone in our ward growing up wanted us to give romance a try and so we decided to see if we might be interested in being more than friends. She wanted to go see a movie and about an hour before I was supposed to pick her up I started getting really bad allergies. My mom offered me some pill to help me with the symptoms and I gladly took it. About the time I pick her up I'm feeling more tired than I ever have in my life. We grab a bite to eat and it's all I can do to keep my eyes open. I'm so sluggish that I just can't make good conversation. You know that feeling you get when you know you're bombing and you know what you need to do to fix it but you just can't? I knew I was boring my friend to tears but I still hadn't associated it with the pill I had taken. So next we go to the theater (I probably shouldn't have been driving) and she chooses a William Hurt movie the title of which I can't remember. That was game over for me. I struggled so hard to stay awake. I tried to get into the movie, to give her some sign that I was having a good time but I was toast. Probably 15 minutes in I was asleep. It was the kind of sleep where you startle yourself awake frequently and you are aware enough to be embarrassed about it. Anyway, I eventually awoke to see her gently shaking my shoulder and the credits rolling on the screen. I still couldn't make conversation worth a damn and I just took her home. We still laugh about it to this day. I know now that the pill made me really tired (I think it was the old school Contac) but at the time I just couldn't figure out why I was such an idiot.

[Babs]

My absolute best worst date ever (and boy were there some zingers) was when I went out with a guy on his first post-divorce date. Ohmygoodness, you would have thought it was his first date ever. He was so nervous.

So we get to the restaurant and we're seated and he says:

"Boy, I can't wait to get our food. Man am I horny." (Presumably he had meant to say hungry, but slipped.)

The whole date was pretty much like that. Insofar as he was nervous to begin with, after he slipped up like that, he was insufferably nervous the rest of the date. We never went out again.

I can't remember if I ever posted my first prom date, but that one was an epic bad date.

[RockyBalboa]

I have lots of really bad 1st dates or shall I say,,,,interesting dates that turned into really funny stories. I have friends and family that bug me all the time to start a blog dedicated just for funny/disaster dating stories.

I could tell the one about the girl that was my first date after my fiance dumped me out of the blue. She got completely drunk off her ass, tried to unzip my pants while driving 85 MPH Southbound on I-15 while whispering unmentionables into my ear, threw up on the curb as I was helping her out of my car, screamed at the top of her lungs at 3:30 in the morning at the door of her townhome in Draper for me to come inside and " FILL IN THE BLANKS HERE", all the while listening to her roomate and boyfriend get it on the in the room, and then her tripping and completely turfing it........

And that's just the minor details on that one.

Or

There's the one who actually SHOWED UP to the date ALREADY DRUNK and whom I ended up calling the cops on as she drove away drunk in her vehicle....that date lasted a whopping 15 minutes.

Or

The most recent one who showed up over an hour late to a reservation at Cucina Toscana, then spent the next 30 minutes going on about the history of her car repairs, without taking a breath, and then went on a man bashing tirade for the next 90 minutes and going off on the single men in the church who've never been married,,,(mind you this girl was a 36 year old never been married Bachelorette).......

Or

The one who wore zero makeup, her hair looked like it was matted with static electricity and mange, wearing coke bottle glasses with a turtle neck sweater....in the middle of summertime......

Or

The one who invited me to a Concert, but the catch was I had to drive all the way down to Spanish Fork to pick her up....which I did...only to find that she dogged me, and to get a text msg from her later that night with the words..."Sorry".

Or

The gal at RubyRiver up in Ogden (Same night after getting dogged by the Spanish Fork girl) who appeared hopped up on something then at the end of dinner admitted she'd drank a red bull, popped 2 No Doz, and her Anti-Psychotic meds just before meeting me......and then later that night I went and stopped by Shakas Bday party and briefly hung out with he and Yardtime down at "Keys On Main" in downtown SLC.

Or

well...okay I'll stop...but I've just touched on some minor details.....I could really write some very long and funny stories, but it would take way too much time.