Question for the CUF Ladies

[ERCougar]

We lived in Fiddler's canyon for 5 years.

LOL...I wasn't asking what ward, although that's interesting to know. I've thought that our current ward is about as bad as that kind of thing gets. Lots of old Cedar City blood here.

[Jarid in Cedar]

LOL...I wasn't asking what ward, although that's interesting to know. I've thought that our current ward is about as bad as that kind of thing gets. Lots of old Cedar City blood here.

The current ward is a little older group of women compared to our last one, which contained a ton of students in Kensington Apts who were in their 20's with 1 kid.

[wuapinmon]

Thanks for sharing that JohnnyLingo. I always appreciate your comments and look forward to your future participation on CUF!

A+!

[SloanHater]

I don't understand the dilemma.

Your working wife with no children is surprised that she doesn't have a lot of daily social commonalities with women that are SAHMs raising children? And she is discouraged because these women talk about their activities and their experiences raising children, yet don't seem to take much interest in the goings on in a single person's life?

Is your wife annoyed that she doesn't have a lot in common with the Laurels in your ward, as well? Both groups are one step removed from your wife's current station.

Personally I am not sure anything can be done, short of moving, having your own children, or accepting the fact that single/DINK/SIK are all vastly different social stations in the informal Church social structure.

She does have a lot in common with the other women in the ward. That is what is so discouraging to her. Due to shared morals and beliefs, she has more in common with the Mommy Club than many of her co-workers who by contrast share many of the same daily social commonalities.

I petitioned help from the female mind because I was only able to come to the same conclusions as you.

[Color Me Badd Fan]

She does have a lot in common with the other women in the ward. That is what is so discouraging to her. Due to the similarities in morals and beliefs she has more in common with the Mommy Club than many of her co-workers who by contrast share many of the same daily social commonalities.

I petitioned help from the female mind because I was only able to come to the same conclusions as you.

Do any of these women work? Your wife works and these women do not. Your wife is akin to an illegal alien to them. If they're like my sister and sister-in-law (mostly my SIL), then most of their topics of discussion concern either the Pottery Barn, how much money/things so and so has, or how scroungy someone else's kids are.

[Soccermom]

I don't have any answers Sloan Hater. I have four kids, am always included in the Mommy Club, and quite frankly, have only been in two wards thus far in my "mom" life where I enjoyed the moms in the club. I don't think your wife is missing out on much. I tend to skip most of the activities, or if I go, it is mostly for the benefit of the children. Not to say that I don't enjoy the moms at all, but see better uses for my time.

Having said that, even being a member of the club, I read about gatherings on Facebook that I was not invited to. My reaction? Big deal. I can't be invited to everything. Now if my kids are excluded from something, that is a different story.

One thing I have done that has helped me in the last few months is branch out and do more with non-member neighbors and acquaintances. I am having a blast with them. Also, I find I get more enjoyment and meet more interesting friends who are unique and diverse by befriending people at church that may not be my same age, and may not be in one of the cliques, but are great friends to have.

Sorry I can't be more help.

[RobinFinderson]

She does have a lot in common with the other women in the ward. That is what is so discouraging to her. Due to shared morals and beliefs, she has more in common with the Mommy Club than many of her co-workers who by contrast share many of the same daily social commonalities.

I petitioned help from the female mind because I was only able to come to the same conclusions as you.

Your wife's co-workers are too immoral to be friends? Wow!

[SloanHater]

Your wife's co-workers are too immoral to be friends? Wow!

She has plenty of co-workers who are friends. However, her co-workers idea of girls' night out is bar, strip club, bar. My wife doesn't look down at her co-workers in self-righteousness, she simply doesn't feel comfortable in those situations. Hence my wife's desire to belong to an LDS Girls' Club. I'm sorry if I implied otherwise.

[mUUser]

And I doubt it's likely to change for her. SAHM are simply in a different space than your wife right now. Most members, both male & female simply don't know how to handle, and can't get their head around, a Sister with big career ambitions -- it's incongruent with years & years of teaching that they've heard throughout their church lives.

SAHD don't generally have this problem. This is something that really seperates men from women (in the Church) -- most men just want to be left alone, and most women desperately desire to fit in.

Don't worry, the older you get, the less she'll (you'll) care. That's my view anyway.

[UtahDan]

Any thoughts or suggestions ?

Be fruitful and multiply.

[marsupial]

Perhaps your wife could seek out friends outside of work and church. Does she have any hobbies? When my oldest was 9 months old, I quit working and moved halfway across the country. I was in a new ward and I felt like I didn't really click with any of SAHMs. I needed some friends so I joined a running group. Perhaps she could find a club or organization that matches her interests.

Also, speaking as a member of the "mommy club," I wouldn't think to invite a woman to playgroup who didn't have kids. I would assume she was busy and not interested. However, if a woman approached me and said, "Hey, I know I don't have kids, but I would still love to be included in your activities so I could get out and socialize with all of you," I would totally start inviting her to things. Perhaps she just needs to let them know that she's interested in joining them.

[falafel]

I drop in. Take the sacrament and go home and watch the Tabernacle choir.

Who are is MoTab playing this week? Their last outing was brutal. They need to trade Wilberg and fast. Get some young blood in there.

[byu71]

Who are is MoTab playing this week? Their last outing was brutal. They need to trade Wilberg and fast. Get some young blood in there.

LOL, I am thinking you had responded to the wrong post until I finally got it.

[Brian]

Why do they need a babysitter for a girls' night out? Can't their husbands stay home and watch the kids?

Every ward I've been in, various leadership folks are always making a point to the men to babysit the kids so the wife can go to some RS activity. It's always amazed me that this would need to be emphasized.
Are there really men that refuse to watch their kids?

[KillerDog]

I firmly believe that no good can come from being friends with the people in your ward.