Overcoming inactivity

[YOhio]

C.f. the reason that nikuman is careful to let people know about all the Metallica on his iPod. And that he drinks Diet Coke and eats food with rum in it.

Do people still think Metallica is hardcore?

Swimmer, it seems a little like you're looking for the worst in others. If people aren't treating you right, then it's possible that they feel resentful for you judging them for wearing nice clothes to church.

[Pheidippides]

Do people still think Metallica is hardcore?

Apparently. I guess the same people never knew about Slayer and Pantera, and haven't listened to whatever-the-hell-the-kids-listen-to-nowadays.

[Color Me Badd Fan]

I am pretty much inactive right now. I usually attend Sacrament meeting, but I have to leave for work every Sunday as soon as it ends, and I have used that as an excuse for not attending SS or PM. In reality though, I doubt very seriously I would go anyway - I simply have no desire to do so and i am secretly glad that i have to work Sundays. I do not home teach because I told the bishop I do not have the time, but to be honest I don't want to find the time because I detest it.

I truly believe I have a testimony of the gospel, but the church does not appear to be a very good representation of the gospel to me anymore. In my opinion it is little more than a place for the beautiful, well-spoken, and wealthy folks to get together to brag about how wonderful they are and show off their new clothes. It's pretty much a fashion show half the time and I HATE IT! I do not expect the church to take care of me at all, but I don't think it's too much to ask to feel like I am accepted just for the fact that I am a Child of God. Maybe I'm asking too much.

My question is this:

How in the Hell do you get motivated to go to church when attending seems to cause more stress in your life?

Go ahead and criticize me...I can take it!

I am a primary worker with my wife, and the final two hours of church go by pretty fast. I've only been in my current ward for five months and I'm doing all I can to make sure I stay in my current calling. That includes never wearing a white shirt and never going to any ward activities. My new Elder's Quorum president saw me at church last week and wondered if I was new. We were assigned home teachers (who never come) and I've never received a home teaching assignment. So far, so good.

[pellegrino]

How in the Hell does anyone feel like they are able to worship appropriately when the entire meeting is a fashion show, talent show, and brag session?

I'm going to bet that there are at least a few others in your ward that feel the same way. Try and find out who they are. There's nothing like having a friend at church who will help you stay on the path and whom you can help as well. Part of going to church is to participate in a community. Even the worst wards have little gems of people here and there that can provide that.

Have you voiced your opinion on the matter to the Bishop? If it really is as bad as you think it is then perhaps he should know that. I know if I were bishop (I can't believe I just said that) I would want to know what those on the fringe thought of the fellowship the ward was or wasn't providing, The bishops I have been close to would have wanted to know as well.

I also agree with Tex and nikuman. The fundamental reason for attending church is to show respect to God and to worship him.

[Levin]

Sometimes Church is a slog. While it sometimes is influenced by ward factors, it is often more about the state I'm in. And sometimes I'm just in a slog, struggling to get by generally, both at Church and at home, work, and inside. And I've accepted it's all interconnected, and I slog through trying to make adjustments where I have the reserves to do so. The hope that the stupor will leave eventually becomes a reality based simply on putting one foot in front of the other.

[Color Me Badd Fan]

Sometimes Church is a slog. While it sometimes is influenced by ward factors, it is often more about the state I'm in. And sometimes I'm just in a slog, struggling to get by generally, both at Church and at home, work, and inside. And I've accepted it's all interconnected, and I slog through trying to make adjustments where I have the reserves to do so. The hope that the stupor will leave eventually becomes a reality based simply on putting one foot in front of the other.

BTW, Levin, I tried to change my avatar to one of the pictures on the sexy people blog and it kept coming up "invalid URL." It pisses me off because there are some real gems on that blog that beat the crap out of Christian Slater from Gleaming the Cube.

[Swimmer]

Sometimes Church is a slog. While it sometimes is influenced by ward factors, it is often more about the state I'm in. And sometimes I'm just in a slog, struggling to get by generally, both at Church and at home, work, and inside. And I've accepted it's all interconnected, and I slog through trying to make adjustments where I have the reserves to do so. The hope that the stupor will leave eventually becomes a reality based simply on putting one foot in front of the other.

I have been doing exactly that for the past 5 months - One foot in front of the other. Unfortunately it's getting tougher by the day.

[RobinFinderson]

I always feel weird contributing to these threads, but here goes...

Why do some people find a basketball game exciting, and others find it boring? Probably because some people know how to appreciate what is going on on the court, and others do not. I remember attending a bull fight in Spain once where the crowd would burst into applause or boos in complete unison. I didn't get it. To me, one fight looked just like the next, and very seldom did I really understand what was going on (but it was still amazing to watch).

So, how does one get through a church meeting? Probably the same way one gets through a marriage, or anything else where a routine renders some activity potentially monotonous. You have to cultivate an appreciation for the subtle aspects of the meeting. There is always stuff to watch and find interest in. Watch other people. Watch sister so-and-so burst into tears when her son shares his testimony. Watch brother X chatting on his blackberry. Watch the bishop fall asleep on the stand. Ponder over why they chose that particular color of brown carpet, and notice that there are cobwebs hanging from the lights in the chapel, and they probably haven't been dusted in ten years.

Have fun. The world is a circus.

[Levin]

I always feel weird contributing to these threads, but here goes...

I don't think you should feel weird; you bring an often insightful perspective.

[Levin]

BTW, Levin, I tried to change my avatar to one of the pictures on the sexy people blog and it kept coming up "invalid URL." It pisses me off because there are some real gems on that blog that beat the crap out of Christian Slater from Gleaming the Cube.

That happened to me with several pictures I wanted to use as well. The ones that worked I had to save on my desktop in the .jpg format. Perhaps try that.

[Swimmer]

I'm going to bet that there are at least a few others in your ward that feel the same way. Try and find out who they are. There's nothing like having a friend at church who will help you stay on the path and whom you can help as well. Part of going to church is to participate in a community. Even the worst wards have little gems of people here and there that can provide that.

Have you voiced your opinion on the matter to the Bishop? If it really is as bad as you think it is then perhaps he should know that. I know if I were bishop (I can't believe I just said that) I would want to know what those on the fringe thought of the fellowship the ward was or wasn't providing, The bishops I have been close to would have wanted to know as well.

I also agree with Tex and nikuman. The fundamental reason for attending church is to show respect to God and to worship him.

Oh yes, there are a others that feel the same way that I do, but almost all of them have completely quit going and I really don't want to hang out with guys who are probably going to tell me to quit going as well.

As for speaking with the bishop about my feelings, he is well aware of how I feel and says he has noticed the same things and was very surprised. He was serving in a Campus ward bishopric for several years and had not attended our ward for a long time. He was called as bishop and nobody knew who he was. It has been good to speak with him about some of this as he has been very supportive.

[UtahDan]

The reason that many people can't enjoy church is the same reason they can't enjoy BYU football: they have such unreasonable expectations that the experience is bound to fail to deliver.

I have been where you are, or near there, as well. You aren't going to get a better attitude because anyone says so or because you suddenly think of your covenants and feel fear for your soul.

I think what works best to get you off of dead center is what Alma suggests: have a desire to want a good attitude. Check. You have already started down that path just by this post. Obviously you want to feel differently. Next, try to identify some things that you like about church. It isn't all bad. For example, I like how I feel about myself on the way home from church. I went, I did what I was supposed to do. Its a small thing, but it helped me. Or how about singing the hymns? I love to sign the hymns, even if every other thing in sacrament meeting is stone cold boring. Get focused on what you like. Just the thought exercise of thinking of those things will make you want to do them again. Am I right?

The next thing you should do is force yourself to go to Sunday School and priesthood. Or just SS if you can't do all three hours. If you don't like gospel doctrine, go to gospel essentials. There might even be a non-member or new member in that class you can feel good about showing some fellowship to. I think SS is key for you though, because I believe that for the most part, apart from partaking of the sacrament, sacrament meeting is the most boring least interesting part of the three hour block. At least in SS you can ask questions or make comments. You have some control in that setting. Same for priesthood.

I also really like the advice to bring a book to sacrament meeting. I have found this to be incredibly rewarding. I can sit and feel the spirit and learn something interesting and gospel related without watching the clock because the speaker is not very dynamic, or worse, is dynamic and thinks he doesn't have to prepare.

I know this is a ramble, but what it all boils down to is customizing church so that you feel happy about whatever you are doing there. When you feel happy the spirit comes in and you also feel peace. Once you start to feel that you get more tolerant of the usual nonsense that can be bothersome. It gets easier to realize that every person in the room has problems and that we are all just there to muddle along and do our best together. And in the end, more experiences you have like that, the more you want to do and the better you feel.

Again, sorry for the ramble, but hopefully that is some practical advice you can give a try.

[pellegrino]

Oh yes, there are a others that feel the same way that I do, but almost all of them have completely quit going and I really don't want to hang out with guys who are probably going to tell me to quit going as well.

As for speaking with the bishop about my feelings, he is well aware of how I feel and says he has noticed the same things and was very surprised. He was serving in a Campus ward bishopric for several years and had not attended our ward for a long time. He was called as bishop and nobody knew who he was. It has been good to speak with him about some of this as he has been very supportive.

Keep talking with the Bishop and see if you can work with him to improve things.

As for hanging out with others who quit coming, it might be worth it to reach out and tell them something like "I know you quit coming because our ward sucks, but I want to give it a try and I'd like you to try with me." It sounds cheesy, but I do think that there are a lot of people out there who would come to church, but don't because they don't feel comfortable and the ward isn't good at befriending them. I've always felt that as Mormons we are good at fellowshipping people that are like us (in a demographic sense), but otherwise we fail miserably.

Perhaps if enough of you got together and started coming it could change the dynamic of the ward.

[kccougar]

I always feel weird contributing to these threads, but here goes...

Why do some people find a basketball game exciting, and others find it boring? Probably because some people know how to appreciate what is going on on the court, and others do not. I remember attending a bull fight in Spain once where the crowd would burst into applause or boos in complete unison. I didn't get it. To me, one fight looked just like the next, and very seldom did I really understand what was going on (but it was still amazing to watch).

So, how does one get through a church meeting? Probably the same way one gets through a marriage, or anything else where a routine renders some activity potentially monotonous. You have to cultivate an appreciation for the subtle aspects of the meeting. There is always stuff to watch and find interest in. Watch other people. Watch sister so-and-so burst into tears when her son shares his testimony. Watch brother X chatting on his blackberry. Watch the bishop fall asleep on the stand. Ponder over why they chose that particular color of brown carpet, and notice that there are cobwebs hanging from the lights in the chapel, and they probably haven't been dusted in ten years.

Have fun. The world is a circus.

Clever post, so I hate to disagree with it, but in my mind if you want to find meaning in your church attendance, the last thing you ought to be doing is paying attention to what everyone else is doing. I think Swimmer's already doing too much of it.

[Color Me Badd Fan]

That happened to me with several pictures I wanted to use as well. The ones that worked I had to save on my desktop in the .jpg format. Perhaps try that.

I can't imagine picking a better one than you did.