Why is it so important that funerals in the LDS church are so depersonalized?

[Surfah]

What is the exact policy? Maybe my rotten luck with off their rocker bishops has given me a false idea as to what the actual policy is. . .

To be honest, not quite sure. But I have been to LDS funerals where inactive and non-member family members have spoken. Typically they just review the program and work in conjunction with the funeral home who is providing services. Maybe Il Pad can weigh in here.

[Surfah]

I find it odd that two other speakers would give talks that weren't family or requested to speak by the deceased. Again, in my experience the Bishop always said little and simply conducted.

[Clark Addison]

Most LDS funerals I have been to have been fine. I am with DDD in that I hate all funerals, but these were as good as they could be. I have been to a couple, though, that I think match what SM may be talking about. In these, the organizer, whether a family member or the Bishop, I don't know, felt that the funeral was best used as almost solely a missionary tool. There was very little mention of the decedent, and instead more of a Junior Sunday School type lesson on the Plan of Salvation (POS or G-HOP) by people who clearly did not know the subject of the meeting. Let me say that it is certainly possible to speak eloquently and movingly on the Plan of Salvation. These talks did not. Maybe they were meant for someone else, though. Someone who enjoys funerals.

[Soccermom]

Thats too bad. I was asked to speak at a funeral about a year ago for a woman in her 40's that died of cancer. Never have I spent so much time on such a short talk. I was the Plan of salvation talk. Personally I thought it was good, and was appropriate for the ocassion. I was the only one to not focus on the deceased and I spoke for 5 minutes. I hope no one had the same reaction you did to mine. If I can find it I'll let you have a look.

I'm sure your talk wasn't anything like what my family heard. The one speaker literally stated that he had a dream where he saw my grandpa wandering around aimlessly. The other speaker called out family members by their names during the talk. What could have been a comforting program made the rest of that day pure hell.

[cowboy]

At one point, I recall instruction to make funerals a missionary tool. Unfortunately, I don't think the effort gave a positive result in your grandfather's place. I don't recall when the "missionary tool" funeral came down but I suspect this is what you encountered.

Still, the primary focus should be providing comfort to the family, imo. I've heard the missionary tool thing, but I've always interpreted that to mean that every effort should be made to make it a spiritual experience, which would serve both purposes.

[TripletDaddy]

a couple of summers ago, I went to Utah for the funeral of the baby of a business colleague of mine. His baby had died of SIDS....maybe a few months old. The family was not LDS but had LDS relatives and were general believers in God, family, etc. These were really high quality folks.

The funeral was a really nice experience, if that is even possible. The talks were very heartfelt and given that our kids were only about a year or two apart, the themes really struck home. There seemed to be a real spirit of love and support in the air.

There was no overt "LDS" doctrine taught at the services, though, despite the fact that the meeting was held in a stake center.

There was a procession with the casket once everyone had been seated. The family walked in slowly and the father and a few others were carrying this tiny casket, the size of a small box. It was one of the saddest things things I have ever seen in my entire life.

One nice thing about the funeral......pounds, and I mean POUNDS of funeral potatoes and ham afterward.

[KillerDog]

Still, the primary focus should be providing comfort to the family, imo. I've heard the missionary tool thing, but I've always interpreted that to mean that every effort should be made to make it a spiritual experience, which would serve both purposes.

Cowboys are known for common sense (except for that whole bull riding thing). Most Mormons, when it comes to Church related items, abandon common sense.

[RockyBalboa]

I hate going to funerals.

The latest was last Summer when an employee of our companys van rolled on his way back from an all night binge out at Wendover. He had a history of hard alcohol and drug use and had a rap sheet with the SLCPD a mile long.

The owner/moron of our company made attendance at his funeral mandatory. I didn't even know the guy very well. The extent of our communication was "Hi, How are you?" "I'm fine", while passing each other in the hallway.

His funeral was extremely uncomfortable as several references were made to the choices he'd made during his life, while the wife he used to beat the shit out of on regular occasion was there front and center bawling her eyes out.

I hated going to that funeral. Hated it.

[Pheidippides]

I was not even aware that bishops approved funerals. When my daughter died, we did exactly what we wanted - although the bishop at the time was major cool and laid back. Not heavy into the whole bureaucracy crap, that sort of thing. We preached the gospel (but not hellfire and damnation) and it is still one of the highlights of my life. My estranged gay uncle who I hadn't seen in several years showed up and I was happy for that, because a lot of bridges were mended. I'm sure he thought my preachiness was silly at some level, but he kept it to himself and I in turn made sure he felt welcome (I being really the only member of the family who has a few gay friends, or even acquaintances, and thus the only person who didn't feel awkward.)

When my granddad died, my mother (who was speaking) called the rest of her siblings to repentance. But it was her right, as a sibling and daughter, and her siblings needed it (from the theological point of view). And she did it in a nice way. And my granddad would have done it too. And nobody was offended.

[PaloAltoCougar]

What is the exact policy? Maybe my rotten luck with off their rocker bishops has given me a false idea as to what the actual policy is. . .

It's been covered fairly well here already, but the policy is that a funeral service should be devoted to gospel instruction, with emphasis placed on the atonement and plan of salvation. Brief life histories are appropriate, but lengthy reminiscences and tributes to the deceased should be deferred to memorial services by the family. Music should be hymn-centered.

Personally, I think some instruction is nice, but I've always favored words of comfort and interesting life sketches and memorials. I enjoyed the funeral last year of a good friend and former bishop. It consisted mainly of memories and featured music by John Coltrane.

[creekster]

It's been covered fairly well here already, but the policy is that a funeral service should be devoted to gospel instruction, with emphasis placed on the atonement and plan of salvation. Brief life histories are appropriate, but lengthy reminiscences and tributes to the deceased should be deferred to memorial services by the family. Music should be hymn-centered.

Personally, I think some instruction is nice, but I've always favored words of comfort and interesting life sketches and memorials. I enjoyed the funeral last year of a good friend and former bishop. It consisted mainly of memories and featured music by John Coltrane.

I have ben to 5 funrtals in the last year or so, all of which were LDS, none of which could be said to ahve followed the letter of the policy. They all tended to focus ont he deceased and his/.her life. I think this policy is frequently ignored and I intend for it to be ignired when my slightly soiled temple is in the box up front.

[Hallelujah]

Does it bother anyone else that a bishop has to approve of the funeral program? Are there any scriptures that outline this formula? Or is this notion of turning a funeral into a sacrament meeting (more or less) something that came out via a letter from the FP?

I just remember my grandpa's funeral. It was a disaster that pretty much guaranteed none of my aunts and uncles will ever even think about joining the church.

Official policy:

He (bishop) also offers help in planning the funeral service.

A funeral conducted by the bishop, whether in a meetinghouse or in another location, is a Church meeting and a religious service. It should be a spiritual occasion in addition to a family gathering. The bishop should urge members to maintain a spirit of reverence, dignity, and solemnity during a funeral service and at gatherings connected with funerals.

When a bishop conducts a funeral, he or one of his counselors oversees the planning of the funeral. He considers the wishes of the family as he works with them to plan the services. He ensures that the services are simple and dignified, with music and brief addresses and sermons centered on the gospel.

Funeral addresses and music should balance tributes with teaching the gospel.

Bishops may offer the use of Church meetinghouses for the funeral services of nonmembers. Such services generally may be held in the manner prescribed by the deceased person's church. However, rituals of other churches or of outside organizations may not be performed in a Church meetinghouse. If the family desires, the service may be conducted by a clergyman of the person's church, provided it is dignified and appropriate.



Let me guess.....the speakers you are referring to were older (>70+). They have a tendancy to tell you what THEY think and not necessarily sugar coat their thoughts. Kind of like many of the posters here.

[DrumNFeather]

And what did he say?

He said that a funeral held at the church is still a church meeting and as such the program needs to be focused on teaching gospel principles in addition to honoring the deceased. This is in part why the program has to be approved by the bishop.

[beelzebabette]

Whatever you think of it, most of our family funerals are just held at the mortuary. As long as a bishop isn't conducting, you can pretty much just do whatever you want. My grandpa's was at the stake center rather than the mortuary 'cause it was across the street from the assisted living center my grandma was at and easier to transport her. In his case, the branch president spoke for a few minutes, his grandkids & nephew spoke, all was done in 45 minutes.

Since I'd like to have funeral favors--my dad said he wouldn't hand them out if I died a premature death, though--I'm leaning toward the mortuary option.

[Hallelujah]

Whatever you think of it, most of our family funerals are just held at the mortuary. As long as a bishop isn't conducting, you can pretty much just do whatever you want. My grandpa's was at the stake center rather than the mortuary 'cause it was across the street from the assisted living center my grandma was at and easier to transport her. In his case, the branch president spoke for a few minutes, his grandkids & nephew spoke, all was done in 45 minutes.

Since I'd like to have funeral favors--my dad said he wouldn't hand them out if I died a premature death, though--I'm leaning toward the mortuary option.

Good idea. Less for the bishop and relief society to do as well. that's very considerate.