Repentance and confession - What would you do?

[tooblue]

Again, you are talking crazy.

Do you have something to contribute in this thread? In my estimation I thought you would. I guess the compulsion to deride the church is too great.

Thank you for the compliment. I'd rather be crazy than ignorant and bitter.

[TripletDaddy]

I have two problems with this. First, your one size fits all approach. Maybe inflexible is a better approach than extreme. Second, your admitted lack of experience in addressing infinitely complicted situations such as these.

This is silly. There are two options to this hypo...tell your wife, don't tell your wife. The "tell your wife" option is no more a one-size fits all than the "don't tell your wife."

There are likely lots of stories of men that admitted their affairs to the wife and the wife was able to forgive and move forward. People can recover from this tragedy. So to encourage someone to continue lying about it is no more universally applicable than to encourage someone to admit it.

In some cases, telling the wife will prove to basically destroy the relationship. I never denied this. But that is the reality when you commit adultery. My basic premise is fairly sound. Honesty and natural consequences, albeit unpleasant ones. The other premise is "cover up one lie with another." Again, that approach is foreign to me.

Your second point is equally as silly. A strawman. I have never dealt with adultery in my marriage. To whit, we have lots of participants in this thread. To be consistent, unless the other posters, including you, have dealt with adultery within their marriage, then their takes are equally troublesome to you?

The interesting thing about that is that you call me out for a one-size fits all approach, then criticize my opinion because it differs from yours. I guess your opinion on this matter is the true universal approach?

[KillerDog]

And I know a guy who was guilty of the same thing and through hard work the two were able to salvage their marriage.

Excellent point. The net out of all this is that a blanket requirement to confess is not the best way to go. I've noticed that this type of interaction is done at the Bishop level. A good Bishop should find out about the parties involved and try to determine what the best way to salvage the marriage is. If he has not done that but has instead relied on what would work best in his own marriage, bad results can happen.

[TripletDaddy]

And I know a guy who was guilty of the same thing and through hard work the two were able to salvage their marriage.

exactly. i love the examples of "hey, i know someone that admitted it and the wife got really mad!" As if anyone is arguing that the wife would be stoked to hear that kind of news.

[tooblue]

Because they want to control you.

Who's 'they'? And this response is indicative of the maturity ... you sound like my 14 year old!

[RobinFinderson]

lol.

It isn't a contradiction. Good communication means making your needs, feelings, and expectations known.

[SeattleUte]

Do you have something to contribute in this thread? In my estimation I thought you would. I guess the compulsion to deride the church is too great.

Thank you for the compliment. I'd rather be crazy than ignorant and bitter.

Wouldn't it be awful to feel like you had to confess something private to your bishop, who was tooblue. I udnerstand he has been in the bishopric. I bet there are some bishops like him.

[FN Phat]

"Let us have faith that right makes might, and in that
faith, let us, to the end, dare to do our duty as we understand it."
— President Abraham Lincoln

[KillerDog]

exactly. i love the examples of "hey, i know someone that admitted it and the wife got really mad!" As if anyone is arguing that the wife would be stoked to hear that kind of news.

I think there is a tendency amongst justice-centered people to ignore effects as being "natural outgrowths of the bad act." For example, he committed adultery and told his wife and his wife left him. The adultery did not make the wife leave, finding out about the adultery made the wife leave. I think it is paramount for religious leaders to determine whether a relationship can be better salvaged through silence or confession. Most people who are justice oriented think it is paramount for a religious leader to facilitate the maximum negative effect of the sinful life.

I recall the savior requiring sinners to go and sin no more. I don't recall the savior throwing the first stone because being stoned was a natural outgrowth of adultery.

[Surfah]

Excellent point. The net out of all this is that a blanket requirement to confess is not the best way to go. I've noticed that this type of interaction is done at the Bishop level. A good Bishop should find out about the parties involved and try to determine what the best way to salvage the marriage is. If he has not done that but has instead relied on what would work best in his own marriage, bad results can happen.

By your definition I'd argue that most Bishops are good. I am turning into a broken record here, but I don't think we give Bishops enough credit that their counsel in most instances are divinely inspired and for our benefit. And again, this is a moot point if you don't believe that Bishops serve this role or have this stewardship over us.

[RobinFinderson]

Do you willfully misread and or misrepresent, or do you or did you ever really know what the role of a Bishop in the church is?

A2.What is the church?

The Bishop is looking out for the interests of the church first, before the interests of the couple. Usually the church's interests and the couple's interests will not be mutually exclusive, but if they are, the Bishop has an obligation to represent the church's interests. Is this really controversial?

[TripletDaddy]

I recall the savior requiring sinners to go and sin no more.

He said that after the woman came to his office to chat about it.

[TripletDaddy]

It isn't a contradiction. Good communication means making your needs, feelings, and expectations known.

No it doesn't.

That definition is a one way street.

Try again.

[KillerDog]

By your definition I'd argue that most Bishops are good. I am turning into a broken record here, but I don't think we give Bishops enough credit that their counsel in most instances are divinely inspired and for our benefit. And again, this is a moot point if you don't believe that Bishops serve this role or have this stewardship over us.

I believe most bishops are good people, but I think bishops cover a spectrum. I've had very justice centered bishops and very mercy centered bishops. Regardless of the effects of inspiration, I find that men change little when they become a bishop. They still tend to be what they are and sometimes they allow the spirit to temper their positions. I've found this to be the case for all church authorities.

One bishop may require a confession to a spouse because he believes it is what the scriptures require. He will ignore his personal thoughts and maybe even spiritual inspiration, because he is duty driven. This sort of thing should be avoided and, I believe, is the root that SU wants to cut out of religion.

[SeattleUte]

This is silly. There are two options to this hypo...tell your wife, don't tell your wife. The "tell your wife" option is no more a one-size fits all than the "don't tell your wife."

There are likely lots of stories of men that admitted their affairs to the wife and the wife was able to forgive and move forward. People can recover from this tragedy. So to encourage someone to continue lying about it is no more universally applicable than to encourage someone to admit it.

In some cases, telling the wife will prove to basically destroy the relationship. I never denied this. But that is the reality when you commit adultery. My basic premise is fairly sound. Honesty and natural consequences, albeit unpleasant ones. The other premise is "cover up one lie with another." Again, that approach is foreign to me.

Your second point is equally as silly. A strawman. I have never dealt with adultery in my marriage. To whit, we have lots of participants in this thread. To be consistent, unless the other posters, including you, have dealt with adultery within their marriage, then their takes are equally troublesome to you?

The interesting thing about that is that you call me out for a one-size fits all approach, then criticize my opinion because it differs from yours. I guess your opinion on this matter is the true universal approach?

Translation: No one should get to have an affair and not suffer pain and humiliation.