Repentance and confession - What would you do?

[Senioritis]

This thread is like a firework that goes off, then stops, and all of the kids run up to it to see who can be the first to kick it over when *BOOM* it starts to light up again, then stops, the kids approach and *BOOM*!

I prefer to refer to it as an "Enlarged Prostate Urination" thread, all kinds of starts and stops, with some chill-promoting bursts of speed and a lot of trickling.

But that's well into my future. Perhaps PAC could confirm?

[UtahDan]

Gidget hasn't been married ten years.

Surfah may be right that her position wouldn't change in ten years. Still, it is hard for me to escape the idea that the longer you are married the more there is to lose and that this would factor into ones position. SU is right about that much, IMO.

[Surfah]

Surfah may be right that her position wouldn't change in ten years. Still, it is hard for me to escape the idea that the longer you are married the more there is to lose and that this would factor into ones position. SU is right about that much, IMO.

I don't disagree necessarily. I just know my wife.

Something else Gidget remarked when I told her what FN Phat said about his wife's (my sister) feelings on the issue struck me. Unlike my sister, who didn't want to know so as not to diminish or tarnish the great 10 years of marriage, Gidget said she'd be able to find enough redeemable in those 10 years to be able to forgive the indiscretion.

[SeattleUte]

I hope this generalization doesn't get me into trouble. I have a feeling that women are more concerned than men (in general) about being humiliated by private marital facts becoming public regardless of who's cheating. If the guy doesn't tell his wife and doesn't want her to know he's going to be more discreet. As they say, the fewer people know the better. Men are less concerned about public shame and humiliation, of this kind at least. This may be a subpart of the reasons women more than men think it's okay not to tell. (I don't pay any attention to childless, rootless youth like Gidget.)

[Surfah]

(I don't pay any attention to childless, rootless youth like Gidget.)

Pardon?

[ERCougar]

Yep....all 5 or so of them.

I guess that solves that debate.

Reading comprehension alert!

Just said it was interesting, not settled.

The question I'm interested in is "is it selfish to tell?" I think the opinion of those on the receiving end would be quite relevant. So we have "5 or so" of these relevant opinions to weigh against a bunch of guys and a single woman (sort of reminds me of the SP lesson in RS on sexual dysfunction...).

This issue isn't nearly as clearcut as some would like to make it.

[Babs]

I hope this generalization doesn't get me into trouble. I have a feeling that women are more concerned than men (in general) about being humiliated by private marital facts becoming public regardless of who's cheating. If the guy doesn't tell his wife and doesn't want her to know he's going to be more discreet. As they say, the fewer people know the better. Men are less concerned about public shame and humiliation, of this kind at least. This may be a subpart of the reasons women more than men think it's okay not to tell. (I don't pay any attention to childless, rootless youth like Gidget.)

Seattle, unless I misread you, you're mischaracterizing Gidget and way out of line.

[SeattleUte]

Pardon?

Rationally she would want to know now so if you did cheat she could easily cashier you before children, etc.

[Babs]

Rationally she would want to know now so if you did cheat she could easily cashier you before children, etc.

Except Gidge and Surf have a toddler, numbskull.

[Surfah]

Except Gidge and Surf have a toddler, numbskull.

LOL. We all know SU doesn't read anything before posting.

[Gidget]

None of you really know me. Other than my husband. I am the most forgiving person I have ever known in my life. I am. In my youth this was often taken for granted by people and could have been considered a fault, but as I get older I realize this isn't something I have ever had to work on. It truly is a blessing. I see the feelings and emotions behind revenge, jealousy, vengeance, and anger when you should be forgiving (and I can get why people react that way), but I don't feel those things. I really am just plain forgiving. I do realize that my reactions in certain situations are not normal, but like I said it is just the way I am made. I can't not forgive. I just can't. If my husband cheated on me 10 years prior, I wouldn't WANTto know, that would suck to hear, but I SHOULD KNOW, and that makes me want to know. That and knowing my capacity to forgive. Regardless of how long I have been married, I know this would be my reaction in this SPECIFIC situation.

[Gidget]

Rationally she would want to know now so if you did cheat she could easily cashier you before children, etc.

Wow, this makes you look like an idiot on many levels

[FN Phat]

Surfah may be right that her position wouldn't change in ten years. Still, it is hard for me to escape the idea that the longer you are married the more there is to lose and that this would factor into ones position. SU is right about that much, IMO.

I agree with that. People change and so do the feelings for one another. That being said, knowing Gidget, she will not have a change of heart on that.

[TripletDaddy]

Seattle, unless I misread you, you're mischaracterizing Gidget and way out of line.

look who's talking.

[TripletDaddy]

Reading comprehension alert!

Just said it was interesting, not settled.

Sassy.

The question I'm interested in is "is it selfish to tell?" I think the opinion of those on the receiving end would be quite relevant. So we have "5 or so" of these relevant opinions to weigh against a bunch of guys and a single woman (sort of reminds me of the SP lesson in RS on sexual dysfunction...).

Well, we also have a few of us whose wives said they would want to know.

Also, since this is really about relationships, not "marriage" per se, BBB's opinion doesn't require her to be married, at least not imo.

This issue isn't nearly as clearcut as some would like to make it.

No, it is not.