Repentance and confession - What would you do?

[Surfah]

The bishop's daughter lives out of state. I agree that nothing is ever certain, but this one is guarded as well as a secret can be in a small town.

There's a sense of irony in that statement as you know that nothing in small towns stays secret for long. I'm just busting your balls here.

[Surfah]

My wife and I had this conversation yesterday evening. She suprised the hell outta me and said that she wouldn't want to know because it would destroy the good relationship that we currently have (10 years later). I would have put money on it that she would say otherwise.

You know the flip side to all of these people who wouldn't want to know, if they found out from anyone other than their offending spouse it'd be much worse. There would be no, "I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to hurt you" defense in that case.

I have yet to talk with this about Gidget, but unlike all the other female opinions thus far, I am pretty certain she would want to know. Gidget also has a capacity to forgive that is incomparable in my experience.

This brings up an interesting twist though to our moral dilemma. What if Cowboy's friend had a similar conversation with his spouse and his spouse told him the same as many of those here, that if there were any indiscretion she'd never want to know? The friend confesses to his Bishop, but the time passed isn't sufficient and in order to get back into good standing with the Church, his Bishop requires him to confess despite the wife's wishes to know. What do you do?

[PaloAltoCougar]

Interestingly, my wife feels the same as Utah Dan's.

My wife said the same thing as well. If enough time has passed so that one could reasonably conclude she's not at risk for an STD, and that there's little chance of recidivism on my part, should would regard disclosure as purely self-serving on my part and would forever alter our relationship and not for the better.

[cowboy]

Maybe not. But already he has confided in his brother, who has confided in you with whom you have shared this with your wife. And who knows who the gal in this matter has told. Interestingly, IIRC you mentioned that the girl he cheated with was a Bishop's daughter, correct? I wonder if she too has never confessed.

The bishop's daughter lives out of state. I agree that nothing is ever certain, but this one is guarded as well as a secret can be in a small town.

[FN Phat]

I didn't push her either way and she pretty quickly said that she didn't see what good it did. We talked around it a fair amount but her position was that it would do more harm than good. Interesting that the couple of women who have opine all seem to be saying that.

My wife and I had this conversation yesterday evening. She suprised the hell outta me and said that she wouldn't want to know because it would destroy the good relationship that we currently have (10 years later). I would have put money on it that she would say otherwise.

[Surfah]

This is a pretty closely held secret. I don't think this one will get back to her, but I could be wrong.

Interestingly, my wife feels the same as Utah Dan's.

Maybe not. But already he has confided in his brother, who has confided in you with whom you have shared this with your wife. And who knows who the gal in this matter has told. Interestingly, IIRC you mentioned that the girl he cheated with was a Bishop's daughter, correct? I wonder if she too has never confessed.

[cowboy]

In respect to extramarital affairs, I just don't know how anyone can keep it a secret forever. People have to know or at least suspect. You'd think it'd be just a matter of time before it got back to your spouse. I guess that is another reason for honesty with me. I'd much rather find out from a contrite spouse than through the grapevine.

This is a pretty closely held secret. I don't think this one will get back to her, but I could be wrong.

Interestingly, my wife feels the same as Utah Dan's.

[Surfah]

I didn't push her either way and she pretty quickly said that she didn't see what good it did. We talked around it a fair amount but her position was that it would do more harm than good. Interesting that the couple of women who have opine all seem to be saying that.

In respect to extramarital affairs, I just don't know how anyone can keep it a secret forever. People have to know or at least suspect. You'd think it'd be just a matter of time before it got back to your spouse. I guess that is another reason for honesty with me. I'd much rather find out from a contrite spouse than through the grapevine.

[UtahDan]

So what did she say? Would she rather know or not?

I didn't push her either way and she pretty quickly said that she didn't see what good it did. We talked around it a fair amount but her position was that it would do more harm than good. Interesting that the couple of women who have opine all seem to be saying that.

[KillerDog]

Being the peacemaker I am, I think I have a solution that will satisfy all. First, the man has to confess to his wife. It's just the right thing to do. Second, to help her get even, she gets to have a lesbian fling, free of charge. Third, to further punish the straying husband, he has to watch the whole thing transpire. If that doesn't teach him a lesson, I don't know what will.

Eeeeeeeww! Looking at a lesbian naked is too brutal of a punishment. I guarantee she wears her vest and comfortable shoes after she takes off her cargo pants and flannel. That's just not something anyone wants to see.

[YOhio]

Being the peacemaker I am, I think I have a solution that will satisfy all. First, the man has to confess to his wife. It's just the right thing to do. Second, to help her get even, she gets to have a lesbian fling, free of charge. Third, to further punish the straying husband, he has to watch the whole thing transpire. If that doesn't teach him a lesson, I don't know what will.

[Jeff Lebowski]

This is one of the most interesting and thoughtfully argued threads I have read in a very long time. It prompted me to discuss this issue with my wife and we enjoyed a very interesting conversation as well.

So what did she say? Would she rather know or not?

[tooblue]

This is one of the most interesting and thoughtfully argued threads I have read in a very long time. It prompted me to discuss this issue with my wife and we enjoyed a very interesting conversation as well.

Agreed -- that's why I called it a tragedy.

[UtahDan]

This thread is a tragedy? I thought it was interesting -- I like to hear different opinions on this stuff.

But there are plenty of people who consider diversity of thought and opinion a bad thing and would rather not consider alternative ideas to their own. I get it. No problem.

This is one of the most interesting and thoughtfully argued threads I have read in a very long time. It prompted me to discuss this issue with my wife and we enjoyed a very interesting conversation as well.

[Color Me Badd Fan]

I couldn't help but think of Phil Hartman's line from the Bad Idea Jeans commercial. "Even though the affair has been over for 7 years, I decided I'd tell my wife anyway."