It's time to end the tradition of women taking their husbands' names

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

I know of a couple that just smashed their respective last names together, creating one really long stupid last name they both carry. It isn't a good idea.

[myboynoah]

The name thing has never bothered me. Use any version of your name at any time for any purpose.

SU, I'm disappointed that you have branded your children with your tribal name. I know you have daughters; you are in essence telling your children (especially your daughters) that they have no identity unless it is the identity that you give them, emphasizing your paternal power and your patronymic branding. It teaches your children that when a mother and father equally share the burden of parenthood, the name they carry is that of the Father's tribal group. Do you make them call you "Earthly Father?"

[happyone]

...IMO - if you're living in the US, or any other culture where the wife has traditionally taken the husband's last name, and she really doesn't want to, if you're planing on having kids, the couple ought to hyphenate and both use it. OR - have the wife keep her maiden name for professional purposes, but not at home. ...

I used to work with a lady who did this - She was on her 3rd or 4th husband and used her maiden name for work and her husbands last name privately. She felt it was easier for her in the workplace not to be changing name all of the time.

[Green Monstah]

The converse could also be true. She loved her name more than she loved him?

I don't think so because their loved pre-dated their marriage.

[RobinFinderson]

The name thing has never bothered me. Use any version of your name at any time for any purpose.

SU, I'm disappointed that you have branded your children with your tribal name. I know you have daughters; you are in essence telling your children (especially your daughters) that they have no identity unless it is the identity that you give them, emphasizing your paternal power and your patronymic branding. It teaches your children that when a mother and father equally share the burden of parenthood, the name they carry is that of the Father's tribal group. Do you make them call you "Earthly Father?"

These are great points, KL. I've been thinking about this naming thing, and I think I've figure out the best system that addresses both your and SU's points. Here is how it would work:

All people start with exactly one name, which is the family name. Even if they are twins, they receive only the family name. This is the equivalent of the current 'last name' or surname. For example, Little Robin would have only been a Finderson, with no first or middle name. Nicknames would be important for twins and children born close together.

When the child reaches any age he or she likes, he or she may pick her FIRST name. From a human rights perspective, every person ought to be able to pick the name he or she will be known by through life. Picking one's name could have incredible personal significance, and might be thought of as one of the major stages of 'coming of age.' Parents would obviously have a lot of influence over this, but ultimately it would be the child's choice. For example, when Little Robin turned nine, he decided that he liked the name SkinnyTough. After making sure that he was serious, we register him as SkinnyTough Finderson.

Later, when a person marries, s/he and her/his wife/husband/husband/wife pick their new FAMILY name. Only at marriage would a person finally have the three names that most Americans have by custom, and everyone would have picked two of their three names. For Example, when SkinnyTough Finderson finds the man of his dreams and gets married, they decide that their family unit will go by the family name Url. His final name, the one that would get carved into his tombstone, would be SkinnyTough Finderson Url, though to save space it would probably abbreviated to STFU.

This system would solve all of the problems inherent in current naming conventions while still maintaining the genealogical order that appeals to some.

[falafel]

These are great points, KL. I've been thinking about this naming thing, and I think I've figure out the best system that addresses both your and SU's point. Here is how it would work:

All people start with exactly one name, which is the family name. Even if they are twins, they receive only the family name. This is the equivalent of the current 'last name' or surname. For example, Little Robin would have only been a Finderson, with no first or middle name. Nicknames would be important for twins and children born close together.

When the child reaches any age he or she likes, he or she may pick her FIRST name. From a human rights perspective, every person ought to be able to pick the name he or she will be known by through life. Picking one's name could have incredible personal significance, and might be thought of as one of the major stages of 'coming of age.' Parents would obviously have a lot of influence over this, but ultimately it would be the child's choice. For example, when Little Robin turned nine, he decided that he liked the name SkinnyTough. After making sure that he was serious, we register him as SkinnyTough Finderson.

Later, when a person marries, s/he and her/his wife/husband/husband/wife pick their new FAMILY name. Only at marriage would a person finally have the three names that most Americans have by custom, and everyone would have picked two of their three names.

This system would solve all of the problems inherent in current naming conventions while still maintaining the genealogical order that appeals to some.

Interesting. However, I see lots of problems with letting kids pick their own names at any age they want. I'm sure my son (now 7) would have picked his name as soon as he could think of one, probably at least a few years ago. He most likely would have picked something goofy that he'd regret later as an adult. I remember when I was 12 or so I thought I had some really cool names for my future children. Crap like Zane and Jade and other names that I wouldn't be happy with as an adult. I wouldn't trust my kids to pick something that would be appropriate for their entire life. Do you really think Robin would be pleased with SkinnyTough when he started applying to architecture schools?

That raises another problem: the masses start changing their names when they grow out of adolescence because they all named themselves Killer, NightHawk and Barbie.

[RobinFinderson]

Interesting. However, I see lots of problems with letting kids pick their own names at any age they want. I'm sure my son (now 7) would have picked his name as soon as he could think of one, probably at least a few years ago. He most likely would have picked something goofy that he'd regret later as an adult. I remember when I was 12 or so I thought I had some really cool names for my future children. Crap like Zane and Jade and other names that I wouldn't be happy with as an adult. I wouldn't trust my kids to pick something that would be appropriate for their entire life. Do you really think Robin would be pleased with SkinnyTough when he started applying to architecture schools?

That raises another problem: the masses start changing their names when they grow out of adolescence because they all named themselves Killer, NightHawk and Barbie.

These aren't such terrible problems, and could be mostly ameliorated by family traditions about what constitutes a good first name, and at what age a person should be before picking a name. But the problem would also introduce all kinds of less traditional names into the language, which I think would be a good thing.

[falafel]

These aren't such terrible problems, and could be mostly ameliorated by family traditions about what constitutes a good first name, and at what age a person should be before picking a name. But the problem would also introduce all kinds of less traditional names into the language, which I think would be a good thing.

Sounds like you've got parents exerting a lot of control over the kids, which seems to undercut your proposal a bit. Plus, once a kid has gone 15+ years by one name (whatever you're calling them before they choose their own), it seems kinda strange to change it. The name is probably pretty cemented in by then already and may not change at all.

I like the family name idea.

[statman]

Crap like Zane and Jade and other names that I wouldn't be happy with as an adult.

I had a teacher in HS who had hippie friends who did this with their kid - and he picked Tarzan.

Not the wisest practice, IMO. If you really want to do it, put aside a couple thousand so they can legally change their name to whatever they want at 18...

[Non Sequitur]

I remember reading an interview of Frank Zappa where they asked him what he was going to name his next child. He said if it was boy they would name him Clint Eastwood. If it was girl they would name her Burt Reynolds.

[Clark Addison]

I had a teacher in HS who had hippie friends who did this with their kid - and he picked Tarzan.

Not the wisest practice, IMO. If you really want to do it, put aside a couple thousand so they can legally change their name to whatever they want at 18...

We had some friends a few years ago who had a new daughter. They told their other daughter, three years old, that she could name the new one. The three year old was a huge Scooby-Doo fan, and picked the name "Daphne". I had hoped she would pick "Velma" or "Shaggy".