It's time to end the tradition of women taking their husbands' names

[Indy Coug]

A hyphenated combination of our surnames would not have been a very good combination.

[woot]

My gf has expressed a desire to take my name if we ever bother to get married, but after discussion it seems unlikely given that she would in essence lose credit for any publications to that point. I like the trend of making decisions for those kind of practical reasons instead of due to tradition.

[statman]

My gf has expressed a desire to take my name if we ever bother to get married, but after discussion it seems unlikely given that she would in essence lose credit for any publications to that point. I like the trend of making decisions for those kind of practical reasons instead of due to tradition.

She could always have a different professional name and private name. Convenient for when students try to track you down at home...

[SeattleUte]

My gf has expressed a desire to take my name if we ever bother to get married, but after discussion it seems unlikely given that she would in essence lose credit for any publications to that point. I like the trend of making decisions for those kind of practical reasons instead of due to tradition.

EXACTLY.

[Jeff Lebowski]

My gf has expressed a desire to take my name if we ever bother to get married, but after discussion it seems unlikely given that she would in essence lose credit for any publications to that point. I like the trend of making decisions for those kind of practical reasons instead of due to tradition.

lol. No she wouldn't.

[Clark Addison]

I work with a woman who lives in my neighborhood. She is very active in community organizations and groups. At work, she goes by her maiden name, but otherwise she goes by her husband's name. I assume she officially took her husband's name, since when she ran for school board, that was the name she used, but she evidently feels there is still some brand equity in her maiden name.

[Indy Coug]

... but after discussion it seems unlikely given that she would in essence lose credit for any publications to that point.

It may be surprising, but Academia isn't that heartless.

[SeattleUte]

lol. No she wouldn't.

Of course she wouldn't technically lose the credits, but her visibility would be greatly reduced. You know what he means.

[SeattleUte]

I work with a woman who lives in my neighborhood. She is very active in community organizations and groups. At work, she goes by her maiden name, but otherwise she goes by her husband's name. I assume she officially took her husband's name, since when she ran for school board, that was the name she used, but she evidently feels there is still some brand equity in her maiden name.

So doesn't the fact that to function effectively in her public persona she needs to keep her maiden name really give lie to this notion that there is any real purpose to or anything inviolate about taking the husband's name? (Come to think of it I detest the term "maiden name".)

[Jeff Lebowski]

Of course she wouldn't technically lose the credits, but her visibility would be greatly reduced. You know what he means.

It means she would need to put an asterisk on her resume.

Hey, I couldn't care less either way. That just made me chuckle.

[TheBYUGuy]

The Internet, social networking, etc. demand that women keep the names they were born with, if that was not imperative before. I'm not a fan of women taking their husbands' names. I don't like the symbolism, anything about it. It's time for this atavistic tradition to go. It's all bad.

Nor am I particularly a fan of hyphenated names. Let the kids take whatever name by agreement. But I don't see any imperative to change the tradition in that regard.

At least we now know that your wife didn't take your name. I'm curious, though--do your kids use the last name of you or your wife?

[FN Phat]

I'm not trolling. If I sincerely believe what I say it's not trolling. My personal situation is much like yours.

As for FN Phat's comment, how ironic coming from an adherant of an institution that constantly makes it its business to tell women their role in the world, particularly vis-a-vis men, and that role primarily being subordinate to men. My message to LDS women, "Don't listen to Sister Beck, Boyd K. Packer, et al., if you wish, and marry outside your race, within your gender, whatever you wish, and call yourself whatever you want. Do marry carefully, wisely and well, and remember there's no rush, but these people don't appear fit to help you achieve that end (based on their public sayings). They're no better than you are. Maybe the contrary is true."

My wife did marry outside her race, married carefully, in no rush and in my humble opinion, wisely and well. Your constant drumming on the church is not only old and boring as hell but rather ineffective. It is time for you to find a new schtick.

[SeattleUte]

At least we now know that your wife didn't take your name. I'm curious, though--do your kids use the last name of you or your wife?

They have my name.

[Jacob]

You must not have loved your fiancee very much, then.

A thorn in my side? Yes. But a dealbreaker?

That's a harsh thing to say. You have misjudged me unfairly. I'm only saying that it is unlikely that I'd have asked any such person to marry me. If she were my fiancé, she'd have already passed the test with flying colors.

[statman]

So doesn't the fact that to function effectively in her public persona she needs to keep her maiden name really give lie to this notion that there is any real purpose to or anything inviolate about taking the husband's name? (Come to think of it I detest the term "maiden name".)

I think one of the most important aspects is that kids and parents share last names whenever possible. I feel sorry for kids in families where there are kids with 3 or 4 different last names. As little kids they're having to explain who their mommy and daddy are, and which kids at school are their siblings, and why they don't all have the same last name. I think it's sad for a little kid to have to do this...

And yeah, I know there are cultures where by design they all don't share the same last name. But in those cultures, there's nothing to explain. In ours, there is, and it's a sad thing to make a little kid constantly justify how/why he fits in with his own family. As an example - an unwed mom with an absent father should NEVER give a baby the dad's last name. You're just adding to the confusion the kid is going to have...

IMO - if you're living in the US, or any other culture where the wife has traditionally taken the husband's last name, and she really doesn't want to, if you're planing on having kids, the couple ought to hyphenate and both use it. OR - have the wife keep her maiden name for professional purposes, but not at home.

If you're not planning on kids, I don't think it matters one way or another...