I learned in church today

[bluegoose]

Today I learned in church that if you have a child that is noisy then you should take him out. The Bishop make this pretty clear to everyone. After he was done I immediately got up and took our young son out to the foyer. He wasn't being noisy but I figured I wouldn't take the chance. Besides it is ideal for iPadding like DDD said.

Was it the 17 year old son that you took out to the foyer?

[PaloAltoCougar]

During priesthood meeting, I bounce back and forth between LDS Scriptures, ESPN score updates, and CUF (order not necessarily reflective of time spent). We meet in the left side rows of the chapel, typically the first 5-6 rows depending on numbers present. Seizing the prized spot next to the wall in the last utilized row is an art, as one must estimate the number that will attend--guess too high, and you'll be asked to close ranks by moving up to the front row; guess too low and you'll find others moving into the row(s) behind you. In either case you'll have other brethren looking over your shoulder at your screen, although I usually shield my iPad as if I were holding a straight flush.

I make it a point to volunteer at least once each week to read a scripture or manual quotation from my iPad so that everyone will assume that is its primary, perhaps even exclusive, use. In truth, I suspect this fools no one.

[Uncle Ted]

Was it the 17 year old son that you took out to the foyer?

LOL. The 17 year old is usually always out in the foyer.

[Soccermom]

I learned that discussing and selling chocolate in Relief Society is more important than the signs of the second coming.

[Jeff Lebowski]

These are great suggestions. I echo the back row strategy.

One great tactic that works across all meetings is the Foyer Retreat maneuver. Hide in plain sight. The comfort of a couch, the benefit of A/C breeze, and a drinking fountain nearby. You would be amazed at how may Ward leaders skip their meetings as well. They hang out in the halls talking. Foyer Retreat is great because if someone else spots you, they are also skipping class.

One caveat about Foyer Retreat: easily countered with the Bishop's Flanking Guilt Sweep.

A year or two ago they did a major nine-month-long remodel of our church. When it was finished they had new furniture in the foyers but only about 1/2 the number of couches they had before. What an outrage! So now those babies are prime real estate and almost impossible to commandeer.

[SeattleUte]

A year or two ago they did a major nine-month-long remodel of our church. When it was finished they had new furniture in the foyers but only about 1/2 the number of couches they had before. What an outrage! So now those babies are prime real estate and almost impossible to commandeer.

I'm so glad this isn't my problem.

[RC Vikings]

I learned that discussing and selling chocolate in Relief Society is more important than the signs of the second coming.

I actually agree with this.

[creekster]

I'm so glad this isn't my problem.

So am I. Given how insufferable you can be about the LDS church since you left it, the thought of your posts if you were still attending makes reason stare.

[Drunk Tank]

After attending church two weeks in a row after a lengthy absence (two, maybe three months), the bishop pulled me out of EQ for a little chat. I was a bit concerned at first, but was pleasantly surprised to find out all he wanted was to ask if it was ok to give my wife a calling in the Primary. :whew:

Oh yeah, he still did get a mini interview in with me to determine if I was g2g on ordaining my son to the Aaronic Priesthood (turns 12 tomorrow) when I return from my trip to Nashville. He was ok with it. Guess he figures I could use a spiritual experience or two...

[Soccermom]

I actually agree with this.

Me too. I struggle with the way we seem to do church sometimes too. . I would love some more Christ-centered lessons. I just thought what happened in RS illustrated your point well. Who wouldn't rather talk about chocolate given the choices?

[NorthShoreCoug]

Cool. Hopefully we can discuss G.A.S.'s transforming of the Word of Wisdom from a suggestion to a mandate, and somehow work in Mark Twain's comments about Brigham Young's well-stocked liquor cabinet, the 'best west is the Mississippi'.

Yesterday we had stake conference, and a visiting member of the seventy mentioned this very thing (OK, the first part, but not the second).

[wuapinmon]

A year or two ago they did a major nine-month-long remodel of our church. When it was finished they had new furniture in the foyers but only about 1/2 the number of couches they had before. What an outrage! So now those babies are prime real estate and almost impossible to commandeer.

Most of the meetinghourses I've been to in GA, NC, and SC in the last two years all have new furniture that looks like Marriott surplus circa 1991. It's hard, uncomfortable, tiny, and ugly as spit.

[Mormon Red Death]

I learned today that narcissism and general assholeness extends to pretty much any calling in the church. Some Background:

My wife is in charge of the primary program next week. Since we have 3 wards in the building time with the chapel for practice is obviously limited. We are the 9am ward and the next one comes in at 11. Last week which was fast and testimony meeting the bishopric makes an announcement that we need to end sacrament meeting at 9:45 (instead of the usual 10:10) for primary program practice.

People still decide that their testimony cant wait and we ended sacrament at 10:05. Not only does the bishopric not stop people from coming up the bishop feels like he needs to add his two cents at the end.

Fast forward to yesterday and we have the visiting high council speaker. The bishopric makes the same announcement TWICE that we need to end at 9:45 so the primary can practice in the chapel. The visiting speaking companiion does a good job and the High Councilor is left with 10 minutes. He of course goes 10 minutes over. He had his fake cry and testimony. Hey inconsiderate prick how about you save it for next month when you are speaking again? Do you really think your talk was that important? Its not like you wont be able to speak in church again. You will be speaking next month!!

I've never seriously wanted to berate a church speaker before and if not for my wife calming me down I would have let him have it. Although most of me thinks I should have let him have it.

[NorthwestUteFan]

During the primary program in Sacrament Meeting yesterday one of my Sunbeam-aged boys said, "Jesus was erected, and I will be too."

[beefytee]

We had the primary program yesterday as well.

As much as I enjoy listening to the children. I try to keep an eye on the parents in the crowd as well to see their reaction to their child's part.