If your spouse left the church

[FN Phat]

...sometimes I wonder if he'll say something along those lines when it's all over.

This is my point of view to life. Find something that makes you a better person from being part of it. Whether that is religion, an organization, family activities, etc. For me, the church is what brought my family together to begin with so it works. Actually, it is a combination of a few of them.

[smokymountainrain]

It would not affect my activity even a little bit. I hope.

[Donuthole]

Well, most everyone here knows that Robin has left the LDS church. I know some people that believe that his departure of the church influenced me to eventually leave as well. I would like to believe that I chose independently of him to leave, but I must agree with other posters that it definitely becomes more difficult to be active when one’s spouse is less active (or a non-member).
I grew up in a part member home; my mother converted to the gospel and my father did not. I witnessed on a regular basis, and recognized even as a child how difficult it was for my mother to be involved in the church without my Dad. She would attempt to have family home evening with a “spiritual” message, and it would often turn into an argument. She would embroider “families can be forever” and often bear her testimony of eternal families and the hope that she would one day partake of that blessing. She would struggle to be respectful of my father’s beliefs and yet teach her children what she believed to be true. My mother was extremely determined, held many stake and branch leadership positions in addition to working full time as a teacher, and she never once went through a period of inactivity. As adults we have spoken together about her incredible dedication to the church. She told me that there were various times when she felt overwhelmed and felt tempted to become a bit less active, but she knew that the gospel was true and that she had to be consistent for the sake of her children. My mother is still consistent, even with all of her children out of the house. She loves me dearly, despite the fact that I have left the church, and she bears her testimony to me on a regular basis, and prays that I will return to the fold.
When Robin left the church, it was very difficult for me. I knew he was on his way out before he officially left. I remember giving excuses to others for him not attending even since his grad school days. I felt alone in my faith - especially since I had so many issues myself. I didn’t really want to talk to Robin about my issues once he left because I knew that he would encourage me to leave. I brought Little Robin to church and Little Robin would vocally disagree with the primary teachers about various teachings, and the only enticement of church for him was the donuts that they would hand out at the end of the Sunday meetings. I attended by myself for quite a while, but eventually felt like a hypocrite in my calling and felt like the spirit was telling me to leave. How much Robin influenced me feeling what I felt to be “the spirit” is debatable. I do have to say that it was one of the toughest decisions that I made to walk away from the church, but it did make it easier since Robin had left. If Robin had still been a member, I don’t know if I would have felt the extent of conflict in my soul that caused me to leave.
I am much happier than I thought I could possibly be now that I am not participating in church. I thought that I would lose all of my LDS friends and family, and I thought that I would be miserable. I feel such a weight off of me, I am genuinely more at peace than I was as a member and I feel that have more time to give to my family and my local community. Other than this, my life really hasn’t changed a whole lot. I do drink green tea and Robin tries to get me to appreciate coffee, alcohol and other things. Oh, and I wear bikinis and sexy underwear now.

Thanks for sharing that, faith. Up until know I was under the impression that you and Robin left at the same time. Your story provides an interesting perspective, I think.

[mUUser]

After the game was over, a professor approached us saying "Some of you missed the point of the game. The point of the game wasn't to see whether you could outdo your peers. There were no right answers. We just wanted to see how you would treat each other." I thought that was profound. If there is a God, sometimes I wonder if he'll say something along those lines when it's all over. I always think of this story when I hear about a person implying that he/she wants a divorce because the spouse isn't devoted enough to the Church.

Wonderful. Simply, wonderful.

[smokymountainrain]

Oh, and I wear bikinis and sexy underwear now.

I think you made the right decision, Faith.

[Sizzle]

I am not sure though I could see myself going either all in and becoming much stronger or going all out and following. I think I'd probably try to go all in but I'm not sure how long I would last. My wife worked 75% of the Sundays for about a year and a half and I'll admit, I was usually a sacrament and done guy. Mostly becuase I had a child that would not go to nursery and I didn't want to take him with me. Were he primary age it may be a different story.

[DU Ute]

I think you made the right decision, Faith.

LDS women can't wear sexy underwear?

[smokymountainrain]

LDS women can't wear sexy underwear?

Did I say that?

If she wasn't wearing them prior to leaving the church, she made the right decision.

[Sizzle]

Call me a bad Mormon, but I think the Church pushes marriage because the Church wants babies, and the Church wants babies because it's the best way to grow the faith. They openly say that people shouldn't delay having babies. What's the motivation? I realize that having kids is one of the greatest joys in life, but I think there is more to it, even if it's subconscious. It's not really different from the Catholic Church outlawing birth control. It's all about expanding the tribe.

I disagree that is the reason why they push that. Especially as the primary factor. I think getting an education is important. I wish my wife would have finished when we were first married instead of waiting and having her go back after we had kids. But I think that as you further yourself in your education and your career, it gets harder to want to start a family. Worldly pursuits become harder for most people to leave behind. If I have worked ten years to establish myself in a career it is goig to be harder to leave than if I had family earlier without an established career. If the faith teaches the importance of families (the first stories in the bible and book of Mormon deal with families, literal or not, that seems like it is pretty important to me) to me teaching that families should be started sooner than later seems logical.

I'm also not going to say that internal growth through children is the fastest way to grow, but I do not believe, given the doctrine I've teaches or the joy I've felt with my kids, that that is the biggest reason for pushing for marriage and families early.

[Indy Coug]

Call me a bad Mormon, but I think the Church pushes marriage because the Church wants babies, and the Church wants babies because it's the best way to grow the faith. They openly say that people shouldn't delay having babies. What's the motivation? I realize that having kids is one of the greatest joys in life, but I think there is more to it, even if it's subconscious. It's not really different from the Catholic Church outlawing birth control. It's all about expanding the tribe.

My wife and I have delayed having kids, and we feel like this was a great decision. It has allowed us both to complete our educations and get established in our careers. I also realize that for others, having babies early is the best decision. It's personal.

I think the way single members of the Church are treated is a direct result of the way the Church pushes marriage. If they stopped pushing marriage and said it was OK to be single, it wouldn't be as difficult for single people to remain active.

Truly, your cynicism knows no bounds.

[RobinFinderson]

Truly, your cynicism knows no bounds.

And you are very good at pointing it out... every single time. Who cares? Some people are cynical. If everyone was as upbeat as you, wouldn't the world be a more boring place?

[Donuthole]

And you are very good at pointing it out... every single time. Who cares? Some people are cynical. If everyone was as upbeat as you, wouldn't the world be a more boring place?

That is kind of funny, as I don't think i'd have picked "upbeat" as a descriptor of Indy if given 100 chances. Cynical probably would have been top 10, however.

[SoonerCoug]

I disagree that is the reason why they push that. Especially as the primary factor. I think getting an education is important. I wish my wife would have finished when we were first married instead of waiting and having her go back after we had kids. But I think that as you further yourself in your education and your career, it gets harder to want to start a family. Worldly pursuits become harder for most people to leave behind. If I have worked ten years to establish myself in a career it is goig to be harder to leave than if I had family earlier without an established career. If the faith teaches the importance of families (the first stories in the bible and book of Mormon deal with families, literal or not, that seems like it is pretty important to me) to me teaching that families should be started sooner than later seems logical.

I'm also not going to say that internal growth through children is the fastest way to grow, but I do not believe, given the doctrine I've teaches or the joy I've felt with my kids, that that is the biggest reason for pushing for marriage and families early.

Since the world is overpopulated, I'd think they might recommend that people might consider limiting their reproduction on a personal basis. This would be a more reasonable position if it didn't really have something to do with expanding our numbers within the Church. We are commanded to replenish an earth that is already replenished.

I don't doubt that there is tremendous personal growth from having children, and I agree that it's one of the most important things in life (if not the most important). But is there more personal growth in a family with 10 kids than in a family with 2 kids? Maybe. I'm not sure.

Is it less of a family if people start having kids at age 30 instead of age 20? Yes, but only if we're talking about a limitation on number of offspring, something dissatisfying for a Church that really wants to grow fast.

[JohnnyLingo]

Since the world is overpopulated...

Not a given, by the way.

[cowboy]

Since the world is overpopulated,...

Really? By what measure?