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  • #61
    I'm not paying for my kids college tuition. My wife and I will be enjoying ourselves, having worked almost 30 years of our lives at that point and finally having the free time to come and go as we please after raising our children. We are going to take off and party, have some time to ourselves, and do things that we sacrificed for the sake of our children as they were growing up.

    My kids can get scholarships and pell grants. Taking out a student loan won't kill them, either.

    If they have a pressing need (an emergency, for example....or sending them some spending cash here and there), of course we will help. But this "tell me where to send the monthly check" crap.....no thanks.
    Fitter. Happier. More Productive.
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    • #62
      Originally posted by TripletDaddy View Post
      I'm not paying for my kids college tuition. My wife and I will be enjoying ourselves, having worked almost 30 years of our lives at that point and finally having the free time to come and go as we please after raising our children. We are going to take off and party, have some time to ourselves, and do things that we sacrificed for the sake of our children as they were growing up.

      My kids can get scholarships and pell grants. Taking out a student loan won't kill them, either.

      If they have a pressing need (an emergency, for example....or sending them some spending cash here and there), of course we will help. But this "tell me where to send the monthly check" crap.....no thanks.
      Ah, but the drawback to this is that you'll probably end up with jr. sitting in your basement until he is 30 years old. There is some wisdom in helping them just enough to get them out. Then once they are out, just stop returning emails and phone calls and remodel the basement so your house can't accomodate them moving back in with his wife and two young kids.
      "Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessing of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not primary way of worshipping." -Pres. Uchtdorf

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      • #63
        Originally posted by happyone View Post
        Our policy has been, we will help our kids get their BA/BS. For grad school they are on their own.
        That's what my parents did. In undergrad, I was expected to do my best, and my parents helped make up the rest. After that, I was on my own. I expect I'll do the same if I ever have kids.
        Not that, sickos.

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        • #64
          Originally posted by happyone View Post
          Our policy has been, we will help our kids get their BA/BS. For grad school they are on their own.
          I actually received more help from my parents in medical school than in undergrad. I made it through undergrad with only $4000 debt and no help from my parents for any school related expenses(a few grocery store trips here and there). I was working during my first year of medical school to make ends meet and it was affecting my school work. My mom offered to give me the money I was making at the part time job so I could concentrate on my studies. My future patients appreciate her input.
          "The first thing I learned upon becoming a head coach after fifteen years as an assistant was the enormous difference between making a suggestion and making a decision."

          "They talk about the economy this year. Hey, my hairline is in recession, my waistline is in inflation. Altogether, I'm in a depression."

          "I like to bike. I could beat Lance Armstrong, only because he couldn't pass me if he was behind me."

          -Rick Majerus

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          • #65
            Originally posted by thesaint258 View Post
            That's what my parents did. In undergrad, I was expected to do my best, and my parents helped make up the rest. After that, I was on my own. I expect I'll do the same if I ever have kids.
            We are on our second one now and so far it has worked. The current one has a full acedemic scholarship - so that helps out a lot. She also had some savings from a summer job. We haven't had to provide a whole lot of support this time around ( so far )

            I may be small, but I'm slow.

            A veteran - whether active duty, retired, or national guard or reserve is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to, "The United States of America ", for an amount of "up to and including my life - it's an honor."

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            • #66
              Another interesting thing that my parents did was in high school. They encouraged me to not have a job but to concentrate on my studies and athletics in high school. They provided me an old car (that ran most of the time) and would pay for dates/dances and other fun things so long as I did well in school. I did work some weekends and during the summer to make some dough but not as much as my friends that worked through high school.

              At the end of high school I ended up with really good grades in some tough classes and actually had a load of college credits (from AP classes and other college level classes taken in high school) that transferred to BYU. I also had some athletics and other extracurriculur activities to show for it. Most of my friends that worked through high school spent all that money on cars and other things and they ended up in the same place financially but without the grades and credits.

              I definately will follow this pattern with my kids as I feel I was better prepared for college.
              "Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessing of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not primary way of worshipping." -Pres. Uchtdorf

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              • #67
                We aren't going to pay for her college. We are going to pay for her books. The college tuition is going to be on her. I just don't think she has a grasp at what she is talking about in dollars. We have a sit down scheduled.

                I have told her we will help her with the following:

                If she goes to BYU or the local JC we will help with the tuition. And this is how it will work...

                Try to get scholarships/grants. After that then you apply for student loans. Graduate with BA/BS. Hopefully get your Masters. If she wants to become a Psych she has to do 3000 hrs before she gets her license. While she is working on those hours we will cover her Student Loans. Once her hours are done and she is licensed, then the rest will be taken care of by her.

                This is assuming she goes to BYU and her student loans end up at around 40k max. If it is some other school she is on her own.

                The other stipulation is marraige. We really don't care at what age she gets married. Hopefully not Freshman year...but if it is in between Soph-Senior year than so be it. We will still continue to help out where we can. But if she and her husband decide to start a family before she is done with her degree, then the financial assistance will stop. Because if you are at a point in your life where you can start a family, you are at a point in life where you don't need Mom and Dads money for support.

                Kids growing up used to be something that I looked forward to, now it freaks me out.

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                • #68
                  Originally posted by Eddie Jones View Post
                  Another interesting thing that my parents did was in high school. They encouraged me to not have a job but to concentrate on my studies and athletics in high school. They provided me an old car (that ran most of the time) and would pay for dates/dances and other fun things so long as I did well in school. I did work some weekends and during the summer to make some dough but not as much as my friends that worked through high school.

                  At the end of high school I ended up with really good grades in some tough classes and actually had a load of college credits (from AP classes and other college level classes taken in high school) that transferred to BYU. I also had some athletics and other extracurriculur activities to show for it. Most of my friends that worked through high school spent all that money on cars and other things and they ended up in the same place financially but without the grades and credits.

                  I definately will follow this pattern with my kids as I feel I was better prepared for college.
                  We do this now as well. School is her job.

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                  • #69
                    Originally posted by Eddie Jones View Post
                    Ah, but the drawback to this is that you'll probably end up with jr. sitting in your basement until he is 30 years old. There is some wisdom in helping them just enough to get them out. Then once they are out, just stop returning emails and phone calls and remodel the basement so your house can't accomodate them moving back in with his wife and two young kids.
                    We have no basement in SoCal, so this is not a concern.
                    Fitter. Happier. More Productive.
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                    • #70
                      Originally posted by TripletDaddy View Post
                      We have no basement in SoCal, so this is not a concern.
                      Do you have any extra bedrooms?

                      Seriously, my parents work in the Ogden temple and in our Sunday evening discussions, the fact that alot of the people they work with have had their married kids move back in with them has come up often. Normally this conversation ends with the comment, "I'm glad (insert child's name) are doing well and we don't have to support you in that way" or some variation on that.

                      I may be small, but I'm slow.

                      A veteran - whether active duty, retired, or national guard or reserve is someone who, at one point in his life, wrote a blank check made payable to, "The United States of America ", for an amount of "up to and including my life - it's an honor."

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                      • #71
                        We'll help our kids financially, as necessary, as our situation allows from birth till death, so long as they're after a worthwhile goal and working hard to get there.

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                        • #72
                          I hope that I am in the situation to help/pay for my children's education. If they fall on hard times and need assistance after they start a family or need to move in, I will be there for them. I don't believe the desire and instinct to help and protect them will wain as they get older.
                          I'm your huckleberry.


                          "I love pulling the bone. Really though, what guy doesn't?" - CJF

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                          • #73
                            Originally posted by happyone View Post
                            Do you have any extra bedrooms?

                            Seriously, my parents work in the Ogden temple and in our Sunday evening discussions, the fact that alot of the people they work with have had their married kids move back in with them has come up often. Normally this conversation ends with the comment, "I'm glad (insert child's name) are doing well and we don't have to support you in that way" or some variation on that.
                            Are you suggesting that those people would not have moved into the parents home if the parents had paid their college tuition? I guess I am not seeing the relevance.

                            Plenty of people (possibly most) take out some student loans to get through college.
                            Fitter. Happier. More Productive.
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                            • #74
                              Obviously there's a fine line between supporting your kids and coddling them to the point they can't function in the real world.

                              Also, every child is different, so what spoils or estranges one might not have the same effect on the next.

                              Tricky, to be sure.

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                              • #75
                                Originally posted by TripletDaddy View Post
                                Are you suggesting that those people would not have moved into the parents home if the parents had paid their college tuition? I guess I am not seeing the relevance.

                                Plenty of people (possibly most) take out some student loans to get through college.
                                I think the suggestion is that often times when kids struggle financially they look for that safety blanket to cover them. They have other options but the safety blanket of home (no rent, free food, free tv, etc.) is too alluring to them.

                                At one point in my life I had the option of either moving into my parents house (with my wife and first kid) or renting out a cheap apartment in a low income section of town. I chose to rent the apartment because I could afford it and I honestly think I'm a better person today than I would have been if I would have mooched off my parents.

                                Most kids move in with parents to save money, but few (in my limited experience) actually end up saving any significant amounts of money and they actually miss out on a learning life skills.
                                "Discipleship is not a spectator sport. We cannot expect to experience the blessing of faith by standing inactive on the sidelines any more than we can experience the benefits of health by sitting on a sofa watching sporting events on television and giving advice to the athletes. And yet for some, “spectator discipleship” is a preferred if not primary way of worshipping." -Pres. Uchtdorf

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