The Official "SU Rant" Contest

[Jarid in Cedar]

Given that I am farily new around here, I probably missed on some of the nuances,etc, but here is my humble attempt.

Why do you think SeattleUte never accepts challenges to debunk the Book of Mormon by creating his own scripture? When it comes time to put pen to paper, you realize that it is WAY harder than it appears.

Ahhh....the Hugh Nibley challenge so deftly applied by 3D. How could a person approach such a daunting undertaking that surely no man could ever hope to be successful.

It was the profound words of Mark Twain that described the tome as "chloroform in print", given that a hefty portion of it had been plagiarized from the Old and New Testament and the remainder is a banal repetition of allegorical themes with simple substitute of names and destinations to fill the remaining, mind numbing page, such an undertaking would be an inane exercise of boredom.

To those who feel that no man could accomplish such a task as the Book of Mormon without divine intervention, I offer John Milton's Paradise Lost. For the less educated in this group, Milton was blind and in jail when he dictated the book, without revision, to his scribes. The book is seamless, beginning to end, without the capricious errors in grammar and spelling that tainted the "original" BOM. Perhaps, Milton had in his possession the same "seer stone" as Joseph, to help him in his task, but given that he was blind, he would not need the hat to block out the light.

If I had any desire to be called a "prophet" and had an absolute need to have friends and strangers stroke my massive ego, (and in the case of dear Joseph, other appendages), I would create a similar work of fiction to attract legions of worshippers. But given my knowledge to the potential harm that such an endeavor would inflict on said followers, I will humanely disacquiesce.

[ERCougar]

Given that I am farily new around here, I probably missed on some of the nuances,etc, but here is my humble attempt.




Ahhh....the Hugh Nibley challenge so deftly applied by 3D. How could a person approach such a daunting undertaking that surely no man could ever hope to be successful.

It was the profound words of Mark Twain that described the tome as "chloroform in print", given that a hefty portion of it had been plagiarized from the Old and New Testament and the remainder is a banal repetition of allegorical themes with simple substitute of names and destinations to fill the remaining, mind numbing page, such an undertaking would be an inane exercise of boredom.

To those who feel that no man could accomplish such a task as the Book of Mormon without divine intervention, I offer John Milton's Paradise Lost. For the less educated in this group, Milton was blind and in jail when he dictated the book, without revision, to his scribes. The book is seamless, beginning to end without the capricious errors in grammar and spelling that tainted the "original" BOM. Perhaps, Milton had in his possession the same "seer stone" as Joseph, to help him in his task, but given that he was blind, he would not need the hat to block out the light.

If I had any desire to be called a "prophet" and had an absolute need to have friends and strangers stroke my massive ego, (and in the case of dear Joseph, other appendages), I would create a similar work of fiction to attract legions of worshippers. But given my knowledge to the potential harm that such an endeavor would inflict on said followers, I will humanely acquiesce.

Ooohhh....this is just a little too good, Jarid. Once you lose the nice exterior, perhaps SU gains a challenger to his throne?

[Babs]

Ooohhh....this is just a little too good, Jarid. Once you lose the nice exterior, perhaps SU gains a challenger to his throne?

I'm telling you, Seattle is feeling threatened big time. But I suppose he'll be able to solace himself so long as we continue to indulge him with idle flattery.

[Jarid in Cedar]

Ooohhh....this is just a little too good, Jarid. Once you lose the nice exterior, perhaps SU gains a challenger to his throne?

I'm telling you, Seattle is feeling threatened big time. But I suppose he'll be able to solace himself so long as we continue to indulge him with idle flattery.

I come not to praise SeattleUte, but to bury him

[myboynoah]

Great job Jarid.

But you lose 10 points for not "fawning" over Brodie and lamenting that she is not hallowed in Mormondom.

[SeattleUte]

Given that I am farily new around here, I probably missed on some of the nuances,etc, but here is my humble attempt.




Ahhh....the Hugh Nibley challenge so deftly applied by 3D. How could a person approach such a daunting undertaking that surely no man could ever hope to be successful.

It was the profound words of Mark Twain that described the tome as "chloroform in print", given that a hefty portion of it had been plagiarized from the Old and New Testament and the remainder is a banal repetition of allegorical themes with simple substitute of names and destinations to fill the remaining, mind numbing page, such an undertaking would be an inane exercise of boredom.

To those who feel that no man could accomplish such a task as the Book of Mormon without divine intervention, I offer John Milton's Paradise Lost. For the less educated in this group, Milton was blind and in jail when he dictated the book, without revision, to his scribes. The book is seamless, beginning to end, without the capricious errors in grammar and spelling that tainted the "original" BOM. Perhaps, Milton had in his possession the same "seer stone" as Joseph, to help him in his task, but given that he was blind, he would not need the hat to block out the light.

If I had any desire to be called a "prophet" and had an absolute need to have friends and strangers stroke my massive ego, (and in the case of dear Joseph, other appendages), I would create a similar work of fiction to attract legions of worshippers. But given my knowledge to the potential harm that such an endeavor would inflict on said followers, I will humanely disacquiesce.

I don't know. This is very good but sometimes less is more. Number 195 in the linked thread is my best B of M critique on CUF, in my opinion (it followed AA quoting a passage and saying, "powerful words"; for the unitiated, when I say "heh" it's an allusion to our dearly departed Tex; I never got enough credit for this, IMO):

http://www.cougaruteforum.com/showth...ound#post66979

Also, when I read "and also Jew..." I'm reminded of that scene in Annie Hall, "Did you hear him? I said have you had lunch? And he said, 'No Jew?'" Very bizarre usage, "and also Jew."

Some of my back and forth with Waters re Fawn Brodie on CG may have been better.

[RobinFinderson]

I don't know. This is very good but sometimes less is more. Number 195 in the linked thread is my best B of M critique on CUF, in my opinion (it followed AA quoting a passage and saying, "powerful words"; for the unitiated, when I say "heh" it's an allusion to our dearly departed Tex; I never got enough credit for this, IMO):

http://www.cougaruteforum.com/showth...ound#post66979

Also, when I read "and also Jew..." I'm reminded of that scene in Annie Hall, "Did you hear him? I said have you had lunch? And he said, 'No Jew?'" Very bizarre usage, "and also Jew."

Some of my back and forth with Waters re Fawn Brodie on CG may have been better.

Eee gads, you make it look effortless.

[Jarid in Cedar]

I don't know. This is very good but sometimes less is more. Number 195 in the linked thread is my best B of M critique on CUF, in my opinion (it followed AA quoting a passage and saying, "powerful words"; for the unitiated, when I say "heh" it's an allusion to our dearly departed Tex; I never got enough credit for this, IMO):

http://www.cougaruteforum.com/showth...ound#post66979

Also, when I read "and also Jew..." I'm reminded of that scene in Annie Hall, "Did you hear him? I said have you had lunch? And he said, 'No Jew?'" Very bizarre usage, "and also Jew."

Some of my back and forth with Waters re Fawn Brodie on CG may have been better.

Consider each paragraph as a separate post in a thread. I could put DDD's "responses" if that would help.

[Rosebud]

You'll have to be disqualify me for plagiarism , but I couldn't resist...

Context: Seattle, disgusted by the quantity of faith-promoting posts he considers to be beneath his personal educational attainment, makes a suggestion in town hall that a new system of CUF stratification be developed to prevent his more qualified posts from being tainted by proximity to the posts of those he deems to be “untouchables.”

*****

Face the facts. Most posters on this board are a bunch of poor hillbillies mixed up in a weird religious cult to which they owe their entire prosperity, their moral and social outlook, their anachronistic perceptions of gender and sex, their magic world view and attendant distorted historical perspective and hostitility to intellectualism, indeed, to which they owe their very existence. Their insular orthodox religious community demands their implicit and explict submission to their leaders’ directions absent any real skepticism and their consequent jarringly inelegant and nonsensical posts taint my own eloquent and intellectual rhetoric.

Debate is a good thing, neeless to say, but “debate” with enigmatic animals stuck in a mental and emotional hammerlock is nothing but inanity. I have personally written here quite a bit about Mormonism’s monolithic, tightly controlled and top down institutional structure as well as the unfortunate masses who have so long relied on an institutional off the shelf product and are therefore unable to follow my own hallowed footsteps and forge their own systematic and virtuous approach to life. The fact that my superior, candid and heartfelt posts are trivialized by these unthinking puritans is comically absurd. These so-called believers who hold to the orthodox line think it is all about themselves and demonstrate the need for CUF to develop a valid and reliable method of stratificaton to segregate the superiorly intelligent, scientific and rational posters from those who hold to the fantasy that they are gods in embryo. Such haughty belief in absurdities demands that we counteract their implausible imaginations by reclassifying them on CUF in a caste of “untouchables.” My own illuminaiting posts would then be free of taint from their physical proximity to old Salt Lake City-centric chauvenism. These are the hard bone facts, and they don’t lie.

[wuapinmon]

I get the feeling that some of these entries are like the fabled Charlie Chaplin getting third-place in a Charlie Chaplin Look-a-like Contest.

[TripletDaddy]

I get the feeling that some of these entries are like the fabled Charlie Chaplin getting third-place in a Charlie Chaplin Look-a-like Contest.

I already said, but nobody believed me.......Primary kids painting the Sistine Chapel with fingerpaints and crayons.

Here is the problem. You can fake grapevine to a certain extent..talking about DI, ties, eating escaped cows for breakfast, etc. It is pretty difficult to fake 35 or so years of reading heady books, studying, and intellectual analytics. How many people had to consult a dictionary or wikipedia to compose their fake SeattleUte rants?

This thread will have the ironic distinction of clearly establishing once and for all who the real Shogun is in the CUF tent. Recognize.

[Babs]

How many people had to consult a dictionary or wikipedia to compose their fake SeattleUte rants?

lol. speaks volumes, TD.

[Jeff Lebowski]

I already said, but nobody believed me.......Primary kids painting the Sistine Chapel with fingerpaints and crayons.

Here is the problem. You can fake grapevine to a certain extent..talking about DI, ties, eating escaped cows for breakfast, etc. It is pretty difficult to fake 35 or so years of reading heady books, studying, and intellectual analytics. How many people had to consult a dictionary or wikipedia to compose their fake SeattleUte rants?

This thread will have the ironic distinction of clearly establishing once and for all who the real Shogun is in the CUF tent. Recognize.

Yes, of course. This entire thread is a show of affection for our amigo from Seattle. So stop acting jealous and compose your entry.

[SeattleUte]

I already said, but nobody believed me.......Primary kids painting the Sistine Chapel with fingerpaints and crayons.

Here is the problem. You can fake grapevine to a certain extent..talking about DI, ties, eating escaped cows for breakfast, etc. It is pretty difficult to fake 35 or so years of reading heady books, studying, and intellectual analytics. How many people had to consult a dictionary or wikipedia to compose their fake SeattleUte rants?

This thread will have the ironic distinction of clearly establishing once and for all who the real Shogun is in the CUF tent. Recognize.

I WILL NOT BE MADE A FOOL OF!!!

[Babs]

So stop acting jealous and compose your entry.

When egos collide. If I ever write a book about CG-CUF (lord knows who would read it), that'll be the title.