Leaving the Church

[UtahDan]

I haven't technically left the church. I doubt I will ever become active again, but I have no plans on having my name removed. There have been moments in my life that I believed in the church, but I don't think I have ever had a real testimony. I really don't like going to church and never have. My parents said I hated it even as a young child.

My family is really disappointed because I am the only RM in the family and I am inactive. They know I don't believe, wear garments, etc. I served a mission because I didn't want to regret not going. I served to the best of my ability and followed the rules very strictly. Prior to my mission, I was a pretty wild teenager. I don't remember every temple recommend question, but my interview for my first temple recommend went something like this:

Bishop: Do you believe in God?
Me: Yes, I think so.
Bishop: Do you have a testimony of the Gospel?
Me: No.
Bishop: No big deal. You will get that on your mission.
Bishop: Do you have a testimony of the BOM.
Me: I've never read it.
Bishop: Try to do that before your mission.
Bishop: Do you follow the Word of Wisdom?
Me: No. I drink and smoke weed. A lot!
Bishop: Boys will be boys. Just don't do it anymore.
Bishop: Do you have a problem with the Law of Chastity?
Me: Yes. Everything, but actual sex.
Bishop: Okay. Don't do it anymore.

I can honestly say that I lived the gospel to the best of my ability and prayed very hard to know if it was true. After several years of this and no burning bosom or clarity of thought, I was left to study it in my mind. When I started analyzing it, I had a hard time making any sense of it. I had a moment of clarity where it felt like a cloud was lifted off my mind. My anwer seemed to be that the church wasn't true. I have felt good about it ever since.

Uh huh. So which commandment was it you couldn't live?

[CardiacCoug]

I can honestly say that I lived the gospel to the best of my ability and prayed very hard to know if it was true. After several years of this and no burning bosom or clarity of thought, I was left to study it in my mind. When I started analyzing it, I had a hard time making any sense of it. I had a moment of clarity where it felt like a cloud was lifted off my mind. My answer seemed to be that the church wasn't true. I have felt good about it ever since.

Sounds like you got your answer.

Can Satan produce moments of clarity? Apparently he can.

[BlueHair]

Uh huh. So which commandment was it you couldn't live?

At the time of my decision, I was temple worthy. Now, I would only have to give up coffee and the occasional cocktail. I guess there is the small thing about believing. I would be willing to bet that I could start attending church this Sunday and have a recommend within six months, without pretending to believe. I suspect most Bishops would give a recommend in hopes that temple worship would produce a testimony.

[BlueHair]

Sounds like you got your answer.

Can Satan produce moments of clarity? Apparently he can.

At least he cared enough to deceive me.

[UtahDan]

At the time of my decision, I was temple worthy. Now, I would only have to give up coffee and the occasional cocktail. I guess there is the small thing about believing. I would be willing to bet that I could start attending church this Sunday and have a recommend within six months, without pretending to believe. I suspect most Bishops would give a recommend in hopes that temple worship would produce a testimony.

Kidding of course.

[BlueHair]

Kidding of course.

Damn. I was trying to bait you into a bet. In this economy, I'm even willing to go to church for money.

[SeattleUte]

Is that really one of your main objectives here? To gain some converts? It sure seems that way lately. You have become humorless at times. Like a machine. Relentless. As someone who considers you a good friend, I find that unfortunate. You may want to take a cue from Robin. A light touch is far more effective.

No, I'm joking. I don't expect ever to convert anyone; my record speaks for itself. Sorry to offend. I expected you of all people to find the latest "absurdities" post funny. I did you the honor of just so slightly misrepresenting your view. Apparenly only 3D appreciated it. I'm losing my touch.

[TripletDaddy]

No, I'm joking. I don't expect ever to convert anyone; my record speaks for itself. Sorry to offend. I expected you of all people to find the latest "absurdities" post funny. I did you the honor of just so slightly misrepresenting your view. Apparenly only 3D appreciated it. I'm losing my touch.

I am your one true fan here. I am the guy that has the posters on the wall. I wrote your name on my notebook and PeeChee folders. I'm the guy that collects all your albums and singles, even when you release crap like "SeattleUte's Christmas Album - Limited Edition" or "SeattleUte Muzak."

The other guys here are front runners. They have your copy of Sgt Pepper and they have your Highway 61, Revisited. But they don't know any of your bootleg, unreleased material. They are posers.

[il Padrino Ute]

I am your one true fan here. I am the guy that has the posters on the wall. I wrote your name on my notebook and PeeChee folders. I'm the guy that collects all your albums and singles, even when you release crap like "SeattleUte's Christmas Album - Limited Edition" or "SeattleUte Muzak."

The other guys here are front runners. They have your copy of Sgt Pepper and they have your Highway 61, Revisited. But they don't know any of your bootleg, unreleased material. They are posers.

I used to have SU's Songs for Thanksgiving album, but I traded it for a half-eaten apple fritter from Winchell's.

[RobinFinderson]

I am your one true fan here. I am the guy that has the posters on the wall. I wrote your name on my notebook and PeeChee folders. I'm the guy that collects all your albums and singles, even when you release crap like "SeattleUte's Christmas Album - Limited Edition" or "SeattleUte Muzak."

The other guys here are front runners. They have your copy of Sgt Pepper and they have your Highway 61, Revisited. But they don't know any of your bootleg, unreleased material. They are posers.

I used to have SU's Songs for Thanksgiving album, but I traded it for a half-eaten apple fritter from Winchell's.

Neither of you mentioned his book.

[il Padrino Ute]

Neither of you mentioned his book.

The book is a given.

[TripletDaddy]

Neither of you mentioned his book.

That is a topic I don't take lightly. You won't hear me tainting that book by mentioning it here in such a pedestrian forum.

[Jeff Lebowski]

No, I'm joking. I don't expect ever to convert anyone; my record speaks for itself. Sorry to offend. I expected you of all people to find the latest "absurdities" post funny. I did you the honor of just so slightly misrepresenting your view. Apparenly only 3D appreciated it. I'm losing my touch.

No, I caught that. I started to reply and then I realized you were having fun. Well done.

Don't worry, I am still a fan.

[cowboy]

I voted yes.

Here's a bit of my story. My "deconversion" took a very long time, and in the middle there somewhere my brother got married. In order to go to his wedding, I had to get my temple recommend renewed, as it had expired a month or two earlier. During the recommend interview, I realized that I could not answer the question concerning my faith in God without some reservations. We ended up skipping that question and coming back to it at the end. Everything else went fine (the "lifestyle" questions weren't a problem). The Bishop signed my recommend, and told me that if I felt I had enough faith, I should sign it too. Ultimately, I was not comfortable signing it, so I ended up waiting outside the temple while my brother got married. It wasn't too long after that I admitted to myself that I was atheist.

I used to believe those who left do so because they had lost the spirit due to not following the commandments, since it's so much easier to think that those who leave the church do so because they couldn't handle it, and are therefore inferior, than to acknowledge that the doctrines just doesn't hold up to scrutiny.

Thanks woot. That's what I'm looking for.

You see, the problem is that everyone that my brother and I know personally who left the church was living a lifestyle that was contrary to the teachings before they pulled the plug. My argument was that they may have stopped believing long before they formally left the church, and the commandments were therefore no longer that important. Your story and BlueHair's confirm that this is the case at times, although I think it happens that other way around too.

In any case, I appreciate you sharing details. I can't imagine not believing, because my beliefs define me and give me hope and direction. Hopefully you and the others who voted in the poll have found the things in life that give you hope and direction as well.

Answering the question the way you did, under the circumstances you were in, takes integrity and courage, and I respect that. In the end, the way to inner peace is to follow our conscience, and I respect anyone who has the courage to follow their conscience wherever it takes them.

[grapevine]

From sustaining and defending the faith by Joseph Fielding McConkie adn Robert Millet says to ask the right questions. A van was traveling through Washington that said exmormons who have been saved. It stopped at a restaurant and coleage had urge to go in. He could tell who they were by appearance and asked them if they were former mormons that have been saved. Yes sir they proudly said.

He then said I ahve one question for you. What commandment is it that you did not want to keep. A long adn awkward silence followed. Found it easier to prove church false and be saved by grace than honestly repent of there sins.