Sex before marriage equals happiness

[Topper]

I do mock you. But I am being serious when I say I love when you get on a rampage. It is usually entertaining.

I don't find the abstinence for adults to be academically defensible. I don't find the position of businessmen, who are not trained in mental health, to provide advice on marital relations to be defensible. My former spouse followed the advice of these men, who said she did not have to have sex if she didn't want to. We went years thanks to the idiotic advice of such morons.

If the choice is between abstinence in marriage to live the law of chastity or to have a happy life while being wise outside of marriage, I choose the latter.

[Jeff Lebowski]

If the choice is between abstinence in marriage to live the law of chastity or to have a happy life while being wise outside of marriage, I choose the latter.

These are our only two choices? Rats...

[Topper]

These are our only two choices? Rats...

Of course not.

I know you have a great marriage, but the numbers who resemble yours are in the minority.

[TripletDaddy]

There has to be at least some truth to the notion that conservative religious upbringing has an effect on the sex lives of married couples. This is something people are taught to avoid like the plague for a large chunk of their lives. Sexual compatibility is an important factor in a healthy relationship. For Mos and folks of other traditional backgrounds, they are rolling some major dice that it will all work out in that department.

The Bishops giving advice thing seems to go without saying. Based on our small sample size here and in my own personal experience, I like to think that most bishops are wise enough to know that which they don't know. I've had great Obispos, though.

[Donuthole]

I don't find the abstinence for adults to be academically defensible. I don't find the position of businessmen, who are not trained in mental health, to provide advice on marital relations to be defensible. My former spouse followed the advice of these men, who said she did not have to have sex if she didn't want to. We went years thanks to the idiotic advice of such morons.

So you disagree with the idea that a woman doesn't have to have sex if she doesn't want to?

[Topper]

So you disagree with the idea that a woman doesn't have to have sex if she doesn't want to?

I disagree that means she should abstain in marriage for years and that her husband desiring sex was inherently sinful. Which is how she interpreted it and how the RS supporting her interpreted the human need. She had been taught before marriage that sex is "icky." The Church is to blame for this teaching.

[Donuthole]

I disagree that means she should abstain in marriage for years and that her husband desiring sex was inherently sinful. Which is how she interpreted it and how the RS supporting her interpreted the human need. She had been taught before marriage that sex is "icky." The Church is to blame for this teaching.

So what you're saying is you don't disagree with the advice you posted above. Got it.

[Jeff Lebowski]

I don't find the abstinence for adults to be academically defensible.

At the risk of throwing a cold shower on this glorious celebration of pre-marital sex, there is some academic evidence to the contrary:

http://www.sltrib.com/sltrib/home/50...busby.html.csp

Delaying sex could lead to healthier marriages, particularly in the quality of a couple's communication, new research out of Brigham Young University suggests.

"There's more to a relationship than sex, but we did find that those who waited longer were happier with the sexual aspect of their relationship," said family scientist Dean Busby, lead author of the study to be published Tuesday in the American Psychology Association's Journal of Family Psychology. "I think it's because they've learned to talk and have the skills to work with issues that come up."

But Busby acknowledged his research methodology does not support a conclusive claim that waiting to have sex helps ensure marital harmony. The associations were strong enough, however, to pass muster with the APA's peer-review standards.

[Topper]

So what you're saying is you don't disagree with the advice you posted above. Got it.

You're being a smartass as usual. Par for the course.

I disagree that bishops should simply support a belief that sex is icky that a person can abstain for however long she desires with the hopes of requiring her husband to stay in a marriage. Yes, I disagree with the advice.

Sexual needs are an important part of a successful marriage and advising a woman she need not address that issue is unhealthy, unwise advice, fraught with lack of insight or wisdom.

[LiveCoug]

You're being a smartass as usual. Par for the course.

I disagree that bishops should simply support a belief that sex is icky that a person can abstain for however long she desires with the hopes of requiring her husband to stay in a marriage. Yes, I disagree with the advice.

Sexual needs are an important part of a successful marriage and advising a woman she need not address that issue is unhealthy, unwise advice, fraught with lack of insight or wisdom.

I don't think I have ever met a bishop that has taught that sex is icky

[TripletDaddy]

You're being a smartass as usual. Par for the course.

I disagree that bishops should simply support a belief that sex is icky that a person can abstain for however long she desires with the hopes of requiring her husband to stay in a marriage. Yes, I disagree with the advice.

Sexual needs are an important part of a successful marriage and advising a woman she need not address that issue is unhealthy, unwise advice, fraught with lack of insight or wisdom.

If your description is accurate, that sounds like a form of spousal abuse. It is terribly manipulative, as well.

That is a tough situation. Sorry.

[LiveCoug]

Well my former spouse told me it was icky for her and that because she did not want it the bishop said it was unnecessary in our marriage. We went months and years thanks to this wonderful advice by persons unqualified to make marriage advice. F those bastards.

Sorry you had that experience.

[Topper]

If your description is accurate, that sounds like a form of spousal abuse. It is terribly manipulative, as well.

That is a tough situation. Sorry.

No doubt many have not experienced this, so it is a good thing. But may sexual misgivings still pervade the LDS community and the fact our bishops are unqualified in the marital advice department compounds the problem. On top of that, the sexual taboos may be helpful during high school but seem harmful thereafter. Just my opinion. Early marriages, sexual repressiveness, and lots of manipulation due to the lack of outlets makes it impossible for many LDS males to have happy marriages. LDS women are victims of the repressive culture as well.

[Topper]

Sorry you had that experience.

Hopefully, the days of men or women experiencing this repression are behind us. It is harmful to our women and harmful to our men. I wish our bishops, all of them, were better trained in marital counseling.

[smokymountainrain]

Hopefully, the days of men or women experiencing this repression are behind us. It is harmful to our women and harmful to our men. I wish our bishops, all of them, were better trained in marital counseling.

It's impossible to train bishops to be marital counselors.

I wish our people were smart enough to avoid going to bishops for marital counseling - or at least smart enough to avoid taking their advice as if it were from a professional.