Article: Confessions of an Ex-Mormon

[Non Sequitur]

I would like the church to officially soften the way it speaks about those of us that have disaffected, it is the only way I will be able to have an honest relationship with my parents again. This is why mormonism remains relevant in my life and it is the one thing that still angers me, the church stands between me and my relationship with my loved ones.

It's the Church's fault you can't have an honest relationship with your parents? Are you really looking for an honest relationship or just a stress-free relationship?

[jay santos]

I'm pretty sure I wasn't making a categorical statement of what it means to be an exmo, rather that, to me, there is a big difference between people that passively stop attending and people that become disaffected. Perhaps I should add some more qualifiers to make it clear that it was my opinion, not a statement of fact...you know things like "IMO" or "I think".

You and UD came onto suggest this writer was disingenuous or somehow very rare when it comes to exmo's. Then when challenged you gave up your position, and say how there's a large group of exmo's who just don't care/hate, but you're part of the group that does care/hate. OK, fine. The writer's part of that other, larger group. The end.

[TripletDaddy]

I read every post. JL must have deleted the good stuff.

Most of this stuff is pretty ridiculous

I liked your summary. Now I don't have to read it all.

[jay santos]

And I think we should also remember that the Internet representation of a person is not the real person. I am much less of an asshole in real life, as people who have met me will attest. I'm also much more private about my religious beliefs - nobody in the world outside of the people here know what I believe, except my wife (a progmo like me). Moliere and I chatted too, but I knew him here first.

So perhaps the exmos I know IRL are the same exmos assholes on rfm. It's hard to be offensively in your face about something when the face is actually there and no anonymity is afforded. Unless you are a missionary - I was offensive all the time back then.

This is a good point. This whole internet fight is largely a strawman issue. Too bad Dan Peterson let it cost him his job.

[SeattleUte]

You are just repeating yourself. Over and over.

Fascinating that an essay like this would strike such a nerve with you. Speaks volumes.

And I seem to have struck a nerve with you! If I'm not here to keep all of you progmos thinking you might yourselves turn into a religion.

[Jarid in Cedar]

That's just ridiculous.

If you are in fact being serious, that says a whole lot more about you than anyone else.

[SeattleUte]

I liked your summary. Now I don't have to read it all.

There's a lot in there that would cause you a lot of discomfort. I'm sure you'd identify strongly with the author of the piece.

[Non Sequitur]

I'm pretty sure I wasn't making a categorical statement of what it means to be an exmo, rather that, to me, there is a big difference between people that passively stop attending and people that become disaffected. Perhaps I should add some more qualifiers to make it clear that it was my opinion, not a statement of fact...you know things like "IMO" or "I think".

I still don't see the importance of distinguishing between people who stop attending and those that are disaffected. I used to eat Wheaties all the time but haven't eaten them for 20 years. I don't know if at some point I became disaffected or if I just got out of the habit of eating them. Does it matter?

Yeah, some people who no longer participate in the Church are bitter, but in my experience it's a very small percentage. Most people just leave it behind...like Wheaties.

[SeattleUte]

I still don't see the importance of distinguishing between people who stop attending and those that are disaffected. I used to eat Wheaties all the time but haven't eaten them for 20 years. I don't know if at some point I become disaffected or if I just got out of the habit of eating them. Does it matter?

Yeah, some people who no longer participate in the Church are bitter, but in my experience it's a very small percentage. Most people just leave it behind...like Wheaties.

I don't get it either but apparently it's a huge source of pride for Robin and AC.

[TripletDaddy]

There's a lot in there that would cause you a lot of discomfort. I'm sure you'd identify strongly with the author of the piece.

The only interesting thing I have read so far is your repeated reference to a "f*** pad." What is that???

[lambdacoug]

It's the Church's fault you can't have an honest relationship with your parents? Are you really looking for an honest relationship or just a stress-free relationship?

Yes. I can't share a lot of what I think and do with them because they will react poorly. I didn't used to think this, I initially thought they would be more understanding. I thought I could share with them my reasons for leaving, that was a mistake. The result was they modified their will because they can't trust me because I "turned my back on the church". Then ending that discussion with "You are still in the will, for now." The subtext being "So long as you don't rock the boat anymore". So I will not share anything else with them until they act in such a way as to regain my trust. That won't happen until rhetoric from the pulpit changes about apostates, because they are very orthodox/orthoprax.

[lambdacoug]

I still don't see the importance of distinguishing between people who stop attending and those that are disaffected. I used to eat Wheaties all the time but haven't eaten them for 20 years. I don't know if at some point I became disaffected or if I just got out of the habit of eating them. Does it matter?

Yeah, some people who no longer participate in the Church are bitter, but in my experience it's a very small percentage. Most people just leave it behind...like Wheaties.

The comparison of a lifetime of belief in mormonism and wheaties is ridiculous.

[Portland Ute]

The only interesting thing I have read so far is your repeated reference to a "f*** pad." What is that???

I had assumed he was referring to a mattess/bed.

Perhaps he was talking about a Liberator.

[SeattleUte]

The only interesting thing I have read so far is your repeated reference to a "f*** pad." What is that???

Forget it. It will just make you jealous.

[UtahDan]

lol.

I thought Jay and I had a very nice exchange, it was well worth the thread for me. LA Utes post was outstanding. What is at stake on this conversation is whether people who don't just slip away without a word are reacting in a normal and human way or whether it is fair to view them as outliers who ought to clean up their acts. That is an important discussion for some of us. FWIW, this conversation has modified my thinking and I found it valuable.