Funniest Church moments of the past 20 years.

[Commando]

Welcome! Now that your CS cherry is done, introduce yourself on Ellis Isle?

[Blueintheface]

Welcome! Now that your CS cherry is done, introduce yourself on Ellis Isle?

We should see if Wuap/Pellegrino would be willing to add a question related to this thread to their template.

[Borg]

Funny now, for the story...but mortifying at the time.

One of my wards when I was living in Washington, an elderly man had recently been baptized. If I remember right, he had some interesting conversion story...and so, a few weeks later was asked if he wouldn't mind getting up at stake conference and relating his conversion story. (That to me, is always a mixed bag of goods...you never know how it's going to go)...nevertheless, this good brother agreed.

He gets up, and I think for the first time, realized that he was now speaking in front of several hundreds of people and the place was quite packed, and this good fellow didn't really know what to do. So, he stammers out that he was there to relate his conversion story and his voice was quavering as he was very nervous.

He gets about 2 minutes into his talk, and lets out a very loud "GAH" as he grabs his chest and does a perfect face plant into the podium stand! He begins to groan and clutches the side of the podium and starts to sink.....

EVERYONE was on the edge of their seats and stone silence. The stake president lurches out, and the leadership does not know quite what to do. Several men from the audience start to rush the stand (as they were doctors) and someone shouts "Call 911!"

At about that moment....this good brother pops up and stands erect as could be. Much like those push up floppy toys (http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/...500_AA300_.jpg)

As calm now as can be...he said: "That was my pace maker going off...I'm ok. It does that every now and then when I get nervous." Kind of let out a forced chuckle and went on with his conversion story as calm as ever, and did terrific.

Needless to say....he had captured, and I have never seen such a captivated, attentive audience at a single church meeting before or since!

[Mormon Red Death]

The closing prayer in stake conference included the sister thanking god for the "smorgasborg of talks" and that the conference "reeked of the spirit"

We had a family of six singing "love at home" as part of the primary program. During the song one of the girls pushed her brother and said "I hate you".




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[statman]

1) When I was about 14, a fairly recent convert guy was giving his testimony after having blessed his youngest daughter earlier in the meeting. He started talking about his lovely wife and his wonderful older children. He told of how glad he and his wife were to found the Lord's true church, and how doing so had changed their outlook on families and they were blessed with two more children that they desperately wanted. This caused some glances to be exchanged since this was their third child to be born since joining the church. He then answered the question on everyone's mind - "and we're grateful for our youngest daughter too. She wasn't planned. But we're sure glad God allowed her to.slip through the condom and the contraceptive foam."

2) before my son left for his mission he worked at the Utah Developmental Center in PG. He worked on Sundays, and attattended church with one or two of his clients each week. two good stories related to this: A) he had one guy who went to church most weeks who my son was told was verbal, although in several months of working with the guy, my son had never actually heard him say a word One Sunday as the sacrament was being passed, my son didn't hand the tray of bread to the verbal-but-never-spoke guy. He had him take a piece of bread, but handed the tray to the deacon in the aisle. Non verbal guy got really antsy and jittery and was obviously upset that he didn't get to pass the tray. The deacon (all are from wards in the area who take turns going to church with the dev center clients) tried to fix things by giving the tray back to verbal-but diesn't speak dude. That just made him angry - angry enough to talk. Loudly. "I don't want the damned tray now. I wanted it before. Alex (my son), this is all your fu¢#ing fault!". My son responded with an equally loud "you spoke! Good job!"

B) during my son's missionary farewell' talk our bishop introduced him by saying some nice off the cuff things about him. His unscripted comments got a little unhinged when he tried to explain to those in the congregation who might be wondering where Alex had been for the last sevn months or so. He did so by saying jokingky that our son had been practicing priestcraft over those months, being psid to attend church. He realized that it hadn't come out how he intended, and tried to back track a bit, saying that Alex had disproved St Matthew - you CAN serve both God and mammon... after a long pregnant pause, he just kind of bagged it and said that we would now hear from our son.

[Hypoplastic]

I'm 17 years old. Ridgecrest 4th Ward, Ridgecrest, California. Fast and Testimony meeting one month. Tom Miller's dad has just died. He gets up and gives a Weep-u-mony. The whole congregation, myself included, weeps with him. While he's walking back down to his seat, he breathes out and a 2-inch-wide snot bubble bursts out of his nose. This thing was a perfect globe! Like the kind of bubble you see on the front of a pack of Bubble Yum. A perfect sphere. Apparently my best friend Ian and I were the only two people that saw it, because we both burst out into laughter. My mom smacked me on the arm and told me to shut up.

[Edit: It now appears that I have two best friends, wuapinmon and this "Ian." I tell you that I'm not a best friend whore, though. Ian was my best friend in high school. wuapinmon is my best friend in adulthood.]

Story 2: A year before the Tom Miller Snot Bubble incident, little Robert Applegate, age 3, got up one Sunday to bear his testimony. His mom and dad, Earl and Earlene Applegate, had recently split up, mostly because Earl was a serious jerk to Earlene. So Robert gets up there... we all say to ourselves, "oh, isn't this cute?! Little Robert Applegate bearing his testimony all on his own, without any help! Adorable!" He grabs the microphone and breathes heavily two or three times, then practically yells, "MY DAD HITS ME!" The whole congregation snaps to attention, including his mom. She gets up to walk up there quickly. Before she gets there, though, sweet little Robert follows up his first gem with a second line: "I WANT OUT OF THIS F***ING CHURCH!" The bishop JUMPED up and grabbed him, handing him back to his mom. Poor lady grabs him and marches right out of the church building.

Who says Ridgecrest is boring?

[YOhio]

I'm 17 years old. Ridgecrest 4th Ward, Ridgecrest, California. Fast and Testimony meeting one month. Tom Miller's dad has just died. He gets up and gives a Weep-u-mony. The whole congregation, myself included, weeps with him. While he's walking back down to his seat, he breathes out and a 2-inch-wide snot bubble bursts out of his nose. This thing was a perfect globe! Like the kind of bubble you see on the front of a pack of Bubble Yum. A perfect sphere. Apparently my best friend Ian and I were the only two people that saw it, because we both burst out into laughter. My mom smacked me on the arm and told me to shut up.

[Edit: It now appears that I have two best friends, wuapinmon and this "Ian." I tell you that I'm not a best friend whore, though. Ian was my best friend in high school. wuapinmon is my best friend in adulthood.]

Story 2: A year before the Tom Miller Snot Bubble incident, little Robert Applegate, age 3, got up one Sunday to bear his testimony. His mom and dad, Earl and Earlene Applegate, had recently split up, mostly because Earl was a serious jerk to Earlene. So Robert gets up there... we all say to ourselves, "oh, isn't this cute?! Little Robert Applegate bearing his testimony all on his own, without any help! Adorable!" He grabs the microphone and breathes heavily two or three times, then practically yells, "MY DAD HITS ME!" The whole congregation snaps to attention, including his mom. She gets up to walk up there quickly. Before she gets there, though, sweet little Robert follows up his first gem with a second line: "I WANT OUT OF THIS F***ING CHURCH!" The bishop JUMPED up and grabbed him, handing him back to his mom. Poor lady grabs him and marches right out of the church building.

OMG! YOU'RE CHEATING ON WUAP!!!!!!

[Omaha 680]

Visiting sacrament meeting in Nauvoo. An outgoing missionary spent much of his farewell talk speaking about his experience with the short-lived website NCMO.com and how he had to repent for using it. The meeting also ended abruptly when the chorister passed out during the closing hymn.

[Tim]

OMG! YOU'RE CHEATING ON WUAP!!!!!!

LOL. Ian was my best friend in his school.

[Tim]

OH, MAN! I found little Robert. They moved away but I'm FB friends with a number of people from my home ward. I just searched through all of their friends lists and found that one of them is friends with Robert's mom. Her FB account is protected, but a few of her pics aren't, include this one. That's the spitting image of the kid as he was back then, so this has to be him:

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphot...28860942_o.jpg

[Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz]

My last Sunday before going into the MTC, my deacon brother puked into the water tray. He was always crying wolf pretending to be sick so he didn't have to go to church, and of course he had done so that morning, so after he puked into the tray he looked back at my mom and dad (they were sitting just a row or two behind where he was standing) and said quite vocally, "I TOLD you I was sick!"

[NorCalBYUFan]

Hey mods, you need to add the button to 'Thank' or Star a post.
Some of these are AWESOME!

[Color Me Badd Fan]

I can't believe how these ancient threads get dredged up.

I think a worthy entry on this list is President Monson's daughter giving a GC talk and wearing an ear to ear grin while talking about the bridge workers plunging to their deaths.

It happens really early in her talk:

[The_Douger]

Best thread ever.

I will give some contributions to this when I get some time at work.

[Rickomatic]

Hey mods, you need to add the button to 'Thank' or Star a post.
Some of these are AWESOME!

I would like to endorse this request.

"So let it be written."