Not feeling it anymore

[UtahDan]

I don't want to sound like an ass but i will anyway. Boo freaking who.

Yes, who indeed?

[Goatnapper'96]

Last Sunday was the first time in my adult life (currently 40) that I was at church and didn't want to go there again. I've been in my current ward for nearly 10 years with lots of involvement (EQ P, 2X EQ 1st, Scoutmaster, Ward Missionary) but recently I've felt ostracized quite a lot. If there is any conversation or friendly exchanges it's always initiated by me.

It's bothered me here and there for the last couple of years but I've always gotten over it. I don't want to be a drama queen and "quit" in a huff out of offense, but I no longer believe others value me as a member of the ward. It really saddens me.

Don't quit. If you do I will call you a "string pulling ILUF" and then '71 will forget who really invented the acronym ILUF and it could get real nasty between him and I.

I doubt you want that on your conscience.

[Majo]

I understand. I'm sure you'll find many who empathize on this board. My moment was about 5 years ago. For me it was a combination: doctrinal (as a wise friend once said: it's in a book, take a look, the reading rainbow...), spiritual (church was more of a burden than uplifting), and the social aspect of that particular ward just wasn't there to keep me involved despite my doctrinal and spiritual misgivings.

Shortly after the "what the hell IS this" moment, I decided that it's ok to walk away. You may end up back in, and you may not, and that's fine. No harm in taking a step back and reassessing. I'd be careful not to do anything too rash right off, though (if you have family in the church, anyway).

Why don't you feel you fit anymore? Doctrinal problems, social/political differences, just don't have many close friends in the current ward, something else?

[Coach McGuirk]

Yes, who indeed?

dude you totally got me.

[Color Me Badd Fan]

Positive things can come out of these emotions and with accompanying actions, I know from experience. I was called as the ward librarian as a result of them. Now I cruise the internet during the last two hours of church when I'm not handing out chalk and VHS tapes of Cipher in the Snow.

Several people have come up to me and asked me how I got the gig.

[RobinFinderson]

If church is no longer doing it for you, you owe it to yourself to take a long break. Unless you believe that taking a break will jeopardize your 'eternal salvation,' there is no good reason to waste a weekend day doing stuff that makes you unhappy.

[SeattleUte]

Last Sunday was the first time in my adult life (currently 40) that I was at church and didn't want to go there again. I've been in my current ward for nearly 10 years with lots of involvement (EQ P, 2X EQ 1st, Scoutmaster, Ward Missionary) but recently I've felt ostracized quite a lot. If there is any conversation or friendly exchanges it's always initiated by me.

It's bothered me here and there for the last couple of years but I've always gotten over it. I don't want to be a drama queen and "quit" in a huff out of offense, but I no longer believe others value me as a member of the ward. It really saddens me.

Follow your feelings; walk away. You'll be fine.

[YOhio]

Go guayabera and all your problems will be over.

What's guayabera?

[Jeff Lebowski]

What's guayabera?

I think its that bottled soda from Mexico.

[il Padrino Ute]

I think its that bottled soda from Mexico.

I believe you're correct. Mango and bacon flavored.

[YOhio]

I think its that bottled soda from Mexico.

Sounds delicious. I love Mexican Coke.

As for SportUTE's problem, I really have nothing to offer except to remind him that the greatest time of the year is coming up. Four months of college and NFL football. That makes everything better.

[SportUTE]

Why don't you feel you fit anymore? Doctrinal problems, social/political differences, just don't have many close friends in the current ward, something else?

Doctrinally I've always had a list of Questions that I tend to mull over and try to strengthen my faith around. I try to contribute with thought-provoking comments and lessons in GD and EQ. Sometimes more successfully than others.

I'd say we've never really been a "typical" family in the ward. Our two youngest boys (ages 3 & 6 when we moved to the ward, now 13 & 16) are 8-9 on a 10 scale in Autism severity. About a year after moving here we chose to have a respite worker stay with them during church. Not a popular decision with some people, a very popular decision for others.

Though we've always had these challenges at home, my wife and I have always been quite active in service and in church callings. You cannot enter our ward building without at least one of us introducing ourselves, try to be of assistance and just be friendly and outgoing. Likewise, in the foyer/hall/class I try to at least say "hi" to everyone, shake their hands and inquire how things are going.

About 2 years ago we went through a painful decision process that concluded in transitioning both of our boys with Autism to a group home. This was absolutely the appropriate thing to do for the social and emotional needs of our oldest son but I know it is a decision a lot of people are uncomfortable with. I've sensed a real sea-change in attitudes since we made the decision. It's hard to sort out whether it's disapproval, awkwardness or disgust.

[Pheidippides]

I have not made it a secret that I felt the same way a few months ago. I don't know if this will help but here's what I did. First, EQ was the source of most of my problems. I got nothing out of it, the approach was grating, and it left me with a sour taste in my mouth. So I took six months off. Best decision I've ever made.

Second, I started focusing on people more than preaching. I am not really all that friendly of a guy, but I have some good friends. I invited people over for fight night. I went on bike rides with a fellow cyclist. None of it was religious in the slightest, but it helped me realize I did have friends. Hopefully you do too.

Third, I focused on my own calling (teaching gospel principles). If I don't believe it, I don't teach it. I try to be as broad as I can, and it's helped me more than it's helped the class members (I've also asked the bishop to not allow a couple of members to return, but that's a different issue).

Fourth, I found a leader I trusted and was honest with him. In my case it's my bishop, a friend of mine. He listened, didn't judge, and was more empathetic than I could have hoped.

Bottom line is that I feel better. And, oddly and uncharacteristically, church has become less about me and more about fundamentals like service and kindness. It has been a change for the better in many ways. I still leave classes sometimes when it's getting silly - I did so this last week - but I do so quietly and without fanfare. Most people don't notice. And then I find something more uplifting.

Maybe that will help you and maybe it won't, but I'm much happier than I was.

[mUUser]

Take comfort in the fact that you're not on an island. Many have, or are currently going through something similar. Everyone ends up in a different place, and its usually for the better. The situation with your kids makes it especially tough though.

[UtahDan]

dude you totally got me.