This month's Sunstone

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  • Sleeping in EQ
    Philosopher of Men
    • Nov 2008
    • 4188

    #1

    This month's Sunstone

    has a cute little article on Mormon singles. It cites a BYU sociologist who researched a gender factor. He found that single male Mormons over the age of 30 were 5x more likely to be inactive than were single female Mormons over the age of 30. The BYU sociologist is convinced that the Church isn't meeting singles' needs, and particularly the needs of male singles. He also notes that female Mormon singles over 30 are much more likely to be educated and successfully into a career than are their male counterparts, and that this could cause marital difficulties.

    The article notes how adulthood in the Mormon community is bequeathed upon marriage. It implies the futility (counter-productivity?) of leadership talking down to grown adults as though they were adolescents, but cites that the pilot study for the disbanding of student wards suggests that the new singles wards should help the situation.

    What no one addressed, though, was the video created by three single Mormon women. They were singing a song they had adapted from The Little Mermaid that included the phrase "I need a man" or some such. Someone needs to tell these sisters that singing Disney songs about needing men is a surefire way to send men in the opposite direction. That's man repellant right there.
    Last edited by Sleeping in EQ; 07-15-2011, 09:30 AM.
    We all trust our own unorthodoxies.
  • Jacob
    Junior Member
    • Oct 2009
    • 6801

    #2
    Originally posted by Sleeping in EQ View Post
    The BYU sociologist is convinced that the Church isn't meeting singles' needs, and particularly the needs of male singles.
    I wouldn't doubt the sociologists conclusion. However, I wonder if this is not so clearly related to the needs of single thirty something males. It may be a failure to meet the needs of adult males in general, beginning in the mid 20s and extending through the 30s.

    Comment

    • Eddie
      Senior Member
      • Apr 2009
      • 8098

      #3
      Originally posted by Jacob View Post
      I wouldn't doubt the sociologists conclusion. However, I wonder if this is not so clearly related to the needs of single thirty something males. It may be a failure to meet the needs of adult males in general, beginning in the mid 20s and extending through the 30s.
      That's because the church figures by the time you're 30 you ought to be married. As Steve Young says - if you aren't married by then, you are a menace to society.

      Bunch of losers.

      Comment

      • Non Sequitur
        Where did I put my bodkin
        • Nov 2008
        • 5773

        #4
        I'm curious whether the study broke down the single males by those that were divorced and those that were never married. Among the divorced crowd, I've definitely noticed a lot of men who leave the Church. After the divorce, a lot of men feel like the dream has failed them and are not anxious to rush back into marriage and are also not anxious to remain celibate. Women, on the other hand, tend to hang in there and want nothing more than to be married again, preferably to a strong priesthood holder.
        "The mind is not a boomerang. If you throw it too far it will not come back." ~ Tom McGuane

        Comment

        • Sleeping in EQ
          Philosopher of Men
          • Nov 2008
          • 4188

          #5
          Originally posted by Non Sequitur View Post
          I'm curious whether the study broke down the single males by those that were divorced and those that were never married. Among the divorced crowd, I've definitely noticed a lot of men who leave the Church. After the divorce, a lot of men feel like the dream has failed them and are not anxious to rush back into marriage and are also not anxious to remain celibate. Women, on the other hand, tend to hang in there and want nothing more than to be married again, preferably to a strong priesthood holder.
          I wish I had the study. The article only discusses it a bit.

          I find it interesting that the sociologist isn't keen on the idea that single Mormons over 30 should just marry one another and everything will turn out roses. It isn't about guys getting over "being afraid" of committment or gals getting over being "too picky." He says that the data suggests significant lifestyle differences between male and female singles Mormons over 30. These aren't the kinds of issues that will be fixed by some GA giving a talk, or some Bishop making sure the hometeachers visit the singles.
          We all trust our own unorthodoxies.

          Comment

          • Jacob
            Junior Member
            • Oct 2009
            • 6801

            #6
            Originally posted by Sleeping in EQ View Post
            I wish I had the study. The article only discusses it a bit.

            I find it interesting that the sociologist isn't keen on the idea that single Mormons over 30 should just marry one another and everything will turn out roses. It isn't about guys getting over "being afraid" of committment or gals getting over being "too picky." He says that the data suggests significant lifestyle differences between male and female singles Mormons over 30. These aren't the kinds of issues that will be fixed by some GA giving a talk, or some Bishop making sure the hometeachers visit the singles.
            What are these lifestyle differences? The female wants the male to spend all his free time with her and the kids and he doesn't want to?

            Maybe it is really all about...time.

            Did the sociologist think that the male and female mormons were significantly different than their non-LDS counterparts? It seems like a common critique of our times is that the men don't grow up until far too late and it's a fact that women attend and graduate college at a higher rate than men today.

            Comment

            • RC Vikings
              Known Heterosexual
              • Nov 2008
              • 8789

              #7
              Originally posted by Non Sequitur View Post
              I'm curious whether the study broke down the single males by those that were divorced and those that were never married. Among the divorced crowd, I've definitely noticed a lot of men who leave the Church. After the divorce, a lot of men feel like the dream has failed them and are not anxious to rush back into marriage and are also not anxious to remain celibate. Women, on the other hand, tend to hang in there and want nothing more than to be married again, preferably to a strong priesthood holder.
              I'm not sure how any of the divorced single guys hang in there. What 71 has done is truly amazing.

              Comment

              • KillerDog
                a.k.a. K-dog
                • Feb 2009
                • 4196

                #8
                On the topic of treating single adult members as though they are children, I understand that the single adult dances include married couples who chaperone the dance. I find this comical and more than a little insane.

                Comment

                • Uncle Ted
                  The Big 12 money shot.
                  • Apr 2010
                  • 28853

                  #9
                  Originally posted by Eddie View Post
                  That's because the church figures by the time you're 30 you ought to be married. As Steve Young says - if you aren't married by then, you are a menace to society.

                  Bunch of losers.
                  Steve Young, when he said that on 60 Minutes, was misquoting his great-great-great grandfather Brigham Young. Apparently Brigham Young never said that but did say a lot of other interesting stuff.
                  "If there is one thing I am, it's always right." -Ted Nugent.
                  "I honestly believe saying someone is a smart lawyer is damning with faint praise. The smartest people become engineers and scientists." -SU.
                  "Yet I still see wisdom in that which Uncle Ted posts." -creek.
                  GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

                  Comment

                  • DU Ute
                    RIP CUF
                    • Dec 2008
                    • 7393

                    #10
                    Originally posted by RC Vikings View Post
                    I'm not sure how any of the divorced single guys hang in there. What 71 has done is truly amazing.
                    All he does is golf and skip out on Priesthood meeting and Sunday School. What's so amazing about that?
                    "In conclusion, let me give a shout-out to dirty sex. What a great thing it is" - Northwestcoug
                    "And you people wonder why you've had extermination orders issued against you." - landpoke
                    "Can't . . . let . . . foolish statements . . . by . . . BYU fans . . . go . . . unanswered . . . ." - LA Ute

                    Comment

                    • LA Ute
                      Receiver of Memory
                      • Nov 2008
                      • 19512

                      #11
                      I think the church leadership seems as frustrated as anyone in the membership about how to meet the needs of singles. Are singles wards the answer? I've heard at least one apostle say they are not. But we still have them. Should those wards be confined to a stake, or be multi-stake? What about Special Interests (or whatever that is called now)? I've heard podcasts on LDS Radio about how to be happy as a single member. There have been dozens of Ensign articles. I've been in a dozen stake and ward meetings on how to do a better job at meeting singles' needs. I personally think it's a mess and I am not sure there'll ever be a time when we are not struggling with it.

                      Anyone got any ideas?
                      “There is a great deal of difference in believing something still, and believing it again.”
                      ― W.H. Auden


                      "God made the angels to show His splendour - as He made animals for innocence and plants for their simplicity. But men and women He made to serve Him wittily, in the tangle of their minds."
                      -- Robert Bolt, A Man for All Seasons


                      "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
                      --Antoine de Saint-Exupery

                      Comment

                      • DU Ute
                        RIP CUF
                        • Dec 2008
                        • 7393

                        #12
                        Originally posted by LA Ute View Post
                        I think the church leadership seems as frustrated as anyone in the membership about how to meet the needs of singles. Are singles wards the answer? I've heard at least one apostle say they are not. But we still have them. Should those wards be confined to a stake, or be multi-stake? What about Special Interests (or whatever that is called now)? I've heard podcasts on LDS Radio about how to be happy as a single member. There have been dozens of Ensign articles. I've been in a dozen stake and ward meetings on how to do a better job at meeting singles' needs. I personally think it's a mess and I am not sure there'll ever be a time when we are not struggling with it.

                        Anyone got any ideas?
                        Tell the singles to suck it up and meet their own damn needs.

                        (This post should in no way be construed as an endorsement of masturbation)
                        Last edited by DU Ute; 07-15-2011, 10:52 AM.
                        "In conclusion, let me give a shout-out to dirty sex. What a great thing it is" - Northwestcoug
                        "And you people wonder why you've had extermination orders issued against you." - landpoke
                        "Can't . . . let . . . foolish statements . . . by . . . BYU fans . . . go . . . unanswered . . . ." - LA Ute

                        Comment

                        • Blueintheface
                          Senior Member
                          • Sep 2009
                          • 15382

                          #13
                          Originally posted by DU Ute View Post
                          Tell the singles to suck it up and meet their own damn needs.

                          (This post should in no way be construed as an endorsement of masturbation)
                          Wow. Next time warn me when you're going to go off half-cocked.
                          "Either evolution or intelligent design can account for the athlete, but neither can account for the sports fan." - Robert Brault

                          "Once I seen the trades go down and the other guys signed elsewhere," he said, "I knew it was my time now." - Derrick Favors

                          Comment

                          • Shaka
                            Senior Member
                            • Dec 2008
                            • 10448

                            #14
                            Originally posted by KillerDog View Post
                            On the topic of treating single adult members as though they are children, I understand that the single adult dances include married couples who chaperone the dance. I find this comical and more than a little insane.
                            I can vouch that this happens. I've also seen chaperones at singles camping activities.

                            Comment

                            • Shaka
                              Senior Member
                              • Dec 2008
                              • 10448

                              #15
                              As the resident mid-single I think you need to distinguish between divorced females and never married females. A lot of the nevermarrieds have had sex but most of the divorcees have done the deed post marriage.

                              Comment

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