I used to be a big proponent of giving to beggars. I read the King Benjamin chapters in Mosiah and was sold. For about five years following my mission I never turned a deaf ear to a beggar. And I wasn't cheap about it either. I got a kick out of seeing their eyes get bigger and bigger, relative to the size of the bill I handed them. I didn't think I was being self-sacrificing, I thought I was being self-saving. To me the scriptures made it abundantly clear that God took care of those who gave away their stuff for nothing in return.
Well, a couple of years ago I took this trip (my mom called it a "walkabout" from the movie, "Australia"). I bought a bus ticket to Los Angeles with no extra money on me with the intention of picking up odd jobs and working my way across the country on the money I made with the eventual hope of reaching Rome, Italy. (I started at the USC Coliseum and wanted to end at the real Coliseum. It made sense to me at the time
)
Anyway I spent more than two weeks of this trip living basically like a homeless person in Phoenix. Up until this point I had made all of my money with this bit on the street: "Hey, excuse me. This is gonna sound really weird, but...if I tell you a joke...and it makes you laugh....could you spare a dollar?" Haha, I had the lamest jokes that I got off of the internet at a public library but it worked like magic, and it felt good to make people laugh. The joke seemed to be worth the dollar to them. It felt like an even transaction.
Well, one day in Phoenix it was especially hot and I was trying to get back on the lightrail train to Tempe to use the showers at ASU and I just was NOT in the mood to tell any jokes. I don't know what it was but my energy was low and I was feeling a little shy for some reason. I only needed one more dollar to get on that train and so I walked up to the bus stop and asked the people there if any of them had any extra change on them. No big deal, right? I mean, I had given plenty of money to beggars over the last few years. Surely it was reasonable to ask for one measley dollar and God would provide a kind soul to help, right?
Well, God DID provide. And as that sweet lady handed me those four quarters and we got on the bus I should have felt grateful and joyful. But I didn't. It was weird. Much to the contrary I actually felt like she TOOK something from me, rather than gave it. As we boarded the bus I took a seat in the back and just stared at the floor contemplating this horrible, unexpected feeling that had come over me. I didn't understand. Why would I feel this way? This lady had done something nice for me, hadn't she? Why did I feel so terrible? Why did I feel so ashamed and so pathetic?
It was in that moment that I first questioned the true nature of what we call charity. When is charity not really charity? I've always been really against the idea of wealth sharing, inherent in socialism and similar systems, mostly because I was against giving someone money that another person didn't give out of the kindness fo their own heart. I had never considered that maybe even giving out of the kindness of your own heart was flawed somehow as well. How can something be charitable if it robs someone of their self respect? Just because it appears charitable on the outside, does that mean it passes the true test of charity?
What I came to theorize was that when you give to someone who is "in need" without asking for anything in return, in the form of a product or service of SOME kind, you insinuate that you do not believe the other person has anything of value at their disposal. Such a view cannot be a godly one. And such an insinuation, it seems to me, does far more damage than what your sincere handout could remedy.
I submit that any service that is not recompensed in some way by the person receiving the service, is not charity at all. And if I believed in sin, I would call it that. Since I do not, I will simply call it ignorance.
Well, a couple of years ago I took this trip (my mom called it a "walkabout" from the movie, "Australia"). I bought a bus ticket to Los Angeles with no extra money on me with the intention of picking up odd jobs and working my way across the country on the money I made with the eventual hope of reaching Rome, Italy. (I started at the USC Coliseum and wanted to end at the real Coliseum. It made sense to me at the time
)Anyway I spent more than two weeks of this trip living basically like a homeless person in Phoenix. Up until this point I had made all of my money with this bit on the street: "Hey, excuse me. This is gonna sound really weird, but...if I tell you a joke...and it makes you laugh....could you spare a dollar?" Haha, I had the lamest jokes that I got off of the internet at a public library but it worked like magic, and it felt good to make people laugh. The joke seemed to be worth the dollar to them. It felt like an even transaction.
Well, one day in Phoenix it was especially hot and I was trying to get back on the lightrail train to Tempe to use the showers at ASU and I just was NOT in the mood to tell any jokes. I don't know what it was but my energy was low and I was feeling a little shy for some reason. I only needed one more dollar to get on that train and so I walked up to the bus stop and asked the people there if any of them had any extra change on them. No big deal, right? I mean, I had given plenty of money to beggars over the last few years. Surely it was reasonable to ask for one measley dollar and God would provide a kind soul to help, right?
Well, God DID provide. And as that sweet lady handed me those four quarters and we got on the bus I should have felt grateful and joyful. But I didn't. It was weird. Much to the contrary I actually felt like she TOOK something from me, rather than gave it. As we boarded the bus I took a seat in the back and just stared at the floor contemplating this horrible, unexpected feeling that had come over me. I didn't understand. Why would I feel this way? This lady had done something nice for me, hadn't she? Why did I feel so terrible? Why did I feel so ashamed and so pathetic?
It was in that moment that I first questioned the true nature of what we call charity. When is charity not really charity? I've always been really against the idea of wealth sharing, inherent in socialism and similar systems, mostly because I was against giving someone money that another person didn't give out of the kindness fo their own heart. I had never considered that maybe even giving out of the kindness of your own heart was flawed somehow as well. How can something be charitable if it robs someone of their self respect? Just because it appears charitable on the outside, does that mean it passes the true test of charity?
What I came to theorize was that when you give to someone who is "in need" without asking for anything in return, in the form of a product or service of SOME kind, you insinuate that you do not believe the other person has anything of value at their disposal. Such a view cannot be a godly one. And such an insinuation, it seems to me, does far more damage than what your sincere handout could remedy.
I submit that any service that is not recompensed in some way by the person receiving the service, is not charity at all. And if I believed in sin, I would call it that. Since I do not, I will simply call it ignorance.
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