Repentance and confession - What would you do?

[Surfah]

Time out, though. Don't we believe that God will judge us on progress? That it's about how far we've made it, and that the Atonement will take up the rest of our progress? Truly, whether or not he confessed his previous sin to his wife, the man has progressed since then. He's overcome his sin and developed a deep relationship with his wife. In that sense, he has repented of it. He has turned from it and changed his behavior.

At this point, with him already having changed, telling his wife seems more like an arbitrary point of order than a critical piece of the process?

So the sinner completely disregards the counsel and terms of restitution for this man's repentance, but because 10 years have passed he can now find forgiveness? Part of progression is heeding the counsel of your leaders (for Cardiac - so long as you believe them to be called of God and integral to working out your salvation).

DDD said it best that there is something troublesome when we shop for forum with a friendly venue.

[Tim]

That is assuming that he has made progress. Time does not heal all wounds. And perhaps the only way the man can measure whether or not he has progressed is by counseling with his Bishop to determine what is the best course of action ... in fact could that be, in part, the impetus for returning to religion?

At the beginning of the thread we were told to assume that he has been faithful since that indiscretion at the beginning of his marriage. That means, to me, that he made a mistake (or mistakes) then, and hasn't made them since then. He's turned from his mistakes. He's been lovingly faithful to his wife since then. He's had children with her. That, to me, shows that he's progressed. It shows that he overcame his sin and turned from it.

[tooblue]

At the beginning of the thread we were told to assume that he has been faithful since that indiscretion at the beginning of his marriage. That means, to me, that he made a mistake (or mistakes) then, and hasn't made them since then. He's turned from his mistakes. He's been lovingly faithful to his wife since then. He's had children with her. That, to me, shows that he's progressed. It shows that he overcame his sin and turned from it.

Who knows. I'm fairly certain he's kept his nose clean based on outward appearance and the rumor mill, but let's assume for this discussion that he has stayed clean...and I'm pretty sure that's the case

Assumptions are tricky. I would bet that he has been and done all the things you mention. However, he hasn't fully turned from the mistake because it is now facing him front and center.

[CardiacCoug]

And can you step back and see your role in the tragedy that is this thread? Or, are you just right -- and you have all the answers.

This thread is a tragedy? I thought it was interesting -- I like to hear different opinions on this stuff.

But there are plenty of people who consider diversity of thought and opinion a bad thing and would rather not consider alternative ideas to their own. I get it. No problem.

[tooblue]

This thread is a tragedy? I thought it was interesting -- I like to hear different opinions on this stuff.

But there are plenty of people who consider diversity of thought and opinion a bad thing and would rather not consider alternative ideas to their own. I get it. No problem.

Tragedies are infinitely interesting -- ergo my designating this thread as such. If your intent is to insinuate I am one of the 'plenty of people' that's too bad ... and a interesting twist to the tragedy.

[Babs]

But there are plenty of people who consider diversity of thought and opinion a bad thing and would rather not consider alternative ideas to their own.

It's scary to try to examine church practice and think for oneself. You never know where the examination may lead. So many prefer not to think at all.

[Surfah]

Is it safe to assume that those in the camp of he shouldn't tell his wife also believe that he shouldn't tell his current Bishop?

I ask, because what if he doesn't tell his wife but meets with his Bishop and he tells him he needs to tell his wife? What then? Does he wait another 10 years or until another Bishop may advise him otherwise?

Or another hypothetical, lets say he returns to church and makes no confession to anyone but the Bishop discovers that he's not currently in good standing with the Church (disfellowshipped by his previous Bishop)? What then?

[tooblue]

It's scary to try to examine church practice and think for oneself. You never know where the examination may lead. So many prefer not to think at all.

It's even scarier to examine church doctrine and accept that it may well be the best course of action. You never know where complete honesty and forgiveness may lead.

[tooblue]

It's even scarier to examine church doctrine and accept that it may well be the best course of action. You never know where complete honesty and forgiveness may lead.

Luke 22:42 Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done.

[RockyBalboa]

After reading through this thread it is clearer to me than it ever has been why the institution of marriage is under such a vicious assault.

Sad.

It's amazing the degrees of a wedge that The Adversary can drive into a marriage. One that breeds distrust and a weak foundation based in false trust and lies, all under the guise of fake protection.

Using infidelity, lies and untrustworthy behavioral actions and then someone over the years may have genuinely become a better person is all the reason why they should "not be selfish" and protect their spouse.....aka....cover their ass.... have been used as the battle cry to remain in ignorance of a long uncovered egregrious act on ones behalf.

It's little wonder why the divorce rate is where it's at and why couples have little left anymore.

It's true, I've been divorced (because I can see the potshots coming from a mile away, so I'll just acknowledge that now), but I will never again be apart of a union where someone thinks that dishonesty, infidelity, a fake fantasy world, selfishishness and a deliberately carried out pattern of mis-trust are translated into being things of protection, love and selflessness.

What a noble person the spouse who carries this out is!

[Solon]

After reading through this thread it is clearer to me that it ever has been why the institution of marriage is under such a vicious assault.

I'm all for fidelity and honesty in marriage and in life, but I think it's overboard to claim that this is part of how "the institution of marriage" is under attack. There is no golden age of yesteryear where people didn't cheat and lie to one another. People have always been that way.

Divorce is more common now, sure, but maybe that's a good thing. It helps people get out of horrible situations.

[ERCougar]

The concept of forum shopping to find a friendly venue is somewhat troublesome to me.

Silly me. I always thought our forum for repentance was God. And that He was a pretty friendly guy.

[TripletDaddy]

Is it safe to assume that those in the camp of he shouldn't tell his wife also believe that he shouldn't tell his current Bishop?

I ask, because what if he doesn't tell his wife but meets with his Bishop and he tells him he needs to tell his wife? What then? Does he wait another 10 years or until another Bishop may advise him otherwise?

Or another hypothetical, lets say he returns to church and makes no confession to anyone but the Bishop discovers that he's not currently in good standing with the Church (disfellowshipped by his previous Bishop)? What then?

It seems that the preferred policy here is

A. keep lying to your spouse and kids because the truth may result in divorce, which may result in something worse....the woman re-marries a faithful spouse who is also honest
B. Don't worry about seeking out a priesthood leader (despite violating major covenants)
C. If you do seek out a Priesthood leader, bounce around until you find one that will allow you to navigate on your own terms
D. Continue to allow time to pass

This new repentance process is sweet. Much more user friendly than the tired old one we have employed for so many years.

[TripletDaddy]

Silly me. I always thought our forum for repentance was God. And that He was a pretty friendly guy.

Yes, silly you. Have you ever met with God in his office to discuss transgressions? And if so, why does everyone else have to meet with a Bishop or Stake President?

Contribute to the thread, fine, but skip the exUte crap and get straight to your point.

[ERCougar]

Yes, silly you. Have you ever met with God in his office to discuss transgressions? And if so, why does everyone else have to meet with a Bishop or Stake President?

Contribute to the thread, fine, but skip the exUte crap and get straight to your point.

I'm not really dying to participate in this thread, because reading it honestly nauseates me.

Your post (and others on here) perfectly illustrates the problem with the confession process in my view--we start to confuse God's consequences with human ones. I don't have a problem with you advocating honesty between spouses--if that's your reason for him talking, fine. But this crap about a "friendly forum" and the right Bishop and how disgusted you are that once enough time passes, he gets off scot free--all this makes me think that we've somehow ingrained in our collective consciousness that the real penalty for adultery isn't the deep spiritual wound it cuts but disfellowshipping/excommunication. This guy has hardly gotten off scot free, whether or not he tells his wife.