Repentance and confession - What would you do?

[Babs]

Rationally she would want to know now so if you did cheat she could easily cashier you before children, etc.

Except Gidge and Surf have a toddler, numbskull.

[SeattleUte]

Pardon?

Rationally she would want to know now so if you did cheat she could easily cashier you before children, etc.

[Babs]

I hope this generalization doesn't get me into trouble. I have a feeling that women are more concerned than men (in general) about being humiliated by private marital facts becoming public regardless of who's cheating. If the guy doesn't tell his wife and doesn't want her to know he's going to be more discreet. As they say, the fewer people know the better. Men are less concerned about public shame and humiliation, of this kind at least. This may be a subpart of the reasons women more than men think it's okay not to tell. (I don't pay any attention to childless, rootless youth like Gidget.)

Seattle, unless I misread you, you're mischaracterizing Gidget and way out of line.

[ERCougar]

Yep....all 5 or so of them.

I guess that solves that debate.

Reading comprehension alert!

Just said it was interesting, not settled.

The question I'm interested in is "is it selfish to tell?" I think the opinion of those on the receiving end would be quite relevant. So we have "5 or so" of these relevant opinions to weigh against a bunch of guys and a single woman (sort of reminds me of the SP lesson in RS on sexual dysfunction...).

This issue isn't nearly as clearcut as some would like to make it.

[Surfah]

(I don't pay any attention to childless, rootless youth like Gidget.)

Pardon?

[SeattleUte]

I hope this generalization doesn't get me into trouble. I have a feeling that women are more concerned than men (in general) about being humiliated by private marital facts becoming public regardless of who's cheating. If the guy doesn't tell his wife and doesn't want her to know he's going to be more discreet. As they say, the fewer people know the better. Men are less concerned about public shame and humiliation, of this kind at least. This may be a subpart of the reasons women more than men think it's okay not to tell. (I don't pay any attention to childless, rootless youth like Gidget.)

[Surfah]

Surfah may be right that her position wouldn't change in ten years. Still, it is hard for me to escape the idea that the longer you are married the more there is to lose and that this would factor into ones position. SU is right about that much, IMO.

I don't disagree necessarily. I just know my wife.

Something else Gidget remarked when I told her what FN Phat said about his wife's (my sister) feelings on the issue struck me. Unlike my sister, who didn't want to know so as not to diminish or tarnish the great 10 years of marriage, Gidget said she'd be able to find enough redeemable in those 10 years to be able to forgive the indiscretion.

[UtahDan]

Gidget hasn't been married ten years.

Surfah may be right that her position wouldn't change in ten years. Still, it is hard for me to escape the idea that the longer you are married the more there is to lose and that this would factor into ones position. SU is right about that much, IMO.

[Senioritis]

This thread is like a firework that goes off, then stops, and all of the kids run up to it to see who can be the first to kick it over when *BOOM* it starts to light up again, then stops, the kids approach and *BOOM*!

I prefer to refer to it as an "Enlarged Prostate Urination" thread, all kinds of starts and stops, with some chill-promoting bursts of speed and a lot of trickling.

But that's well into my future. Perhaps PAC could confirm?

[RobinFinderson]

TripletDaddy, I can't tell you how many times reading your posts has caused me to burst out in laughter at my desk here at work. It's been a regular occurrence for months on end. My coworkers always ask me what it is, and I always answer the same way: "My internet friends are way funnier than your internet friends."

Damn Tim, it might be true, but you don't have to say it. I hope you plan on paying for DDD's dry cleaning bill.

[Tim]

My wife and I chatted about it last night. She also said she would want to know.

She then followed up with "why are you asking me this?"

I got pissed and peeled out of the driveway and didn't return until about 1AM.

TripletDaddy, I can't tell you how many times reading your posts has caused me to burst out in laughter at my desk here at work. It's been a regular occurrence for months on end. My coworkers always ask me what it is, and I always answer the same way: "My internet friends are way funnier than your internet friends."

[TripletDaddy]

Have you been married for 10 years yet?

Yes, we have. Our relationship is based (in part) on not telling each other about stuff we do behind each other's backs. It is done out of love, though. I predict another blissful 10 years!

[TripletDaddy]

I guess it's interesting that every married woman on here would rather not know (unless I'm misinterpreting or missing something...).

Yep....all 5 or so of them.

I guess that solves that debate.

[Surfah]

My wife and I chatted about it last night. She also said she would want to know.

Have you been married for 10 years yet?

[Surfah]

My wife and I chatted about it last night. She also said she would want to know.

She then followed up with "why are you asking me this?"

I got pissed and peeled out of the driveway and didn't return until about 1AM.

LOL. I told Gidget, "Thanks, now I can have that affair."