Pres. Monson and missions

[UtahDan]

Yes, I agree that is a problem. I know families in similar situations. We Mormons are too hard on each other. I wish I had a solution. FWIW I do think the stigma problem is reduced outside the Wasatch Front. That's just my experience.

In my own personal experience this is more of a BYU thing than a Utah thing. BYU has "elite" LDS kids from all over the country and there is a competitiveness than bleeds over into this area. I was a guy who had to come home from a mission and experienced the stigma of that at BYU. I then had a child out of wedlock in the aftermath of coming home (for those who don't know, it was a medical reason I came home but it put me into a tail spin) and at that point I might as well have had a scarlet letter.

I remember well the anxiety I had when I went up to Utah and started attending institute. I remember the first few people (lets be honest, girls) who asked me where I went on my mission and when i told them I got sick and had to come home each of them said "oh that happened to my brother" or "Oh yeah, one of my friends had that happen, that sucks" and at least in those cases there appeared to be not one bit of judgment. I was pretty shocked, but no one seemed to care much nor did the kid thing seem to matter as much as one would expect. I have alway attributed this to the U having mostly Utah kids how have spent a lifetime around the full spectrum of LDS people and have see lots of different things. BYU by contrast just has that elite/chosen mentality that is a natural byproduct of the top LDS kids going there. That somehow seems to affect the culture that surrounds the institution, as least for many.

That may just be one part of things, but that was my experience.

I will also add, that I think another facet of this is how intensely concerned we often are with how we look or are perceived in a ward. I know I certainly used to be very worried about that. I think it is very healthy to look around any ward and realize that every family has problems and that what they think doesn't matter much anyway. I know my early adulthood is not typical, but it completely knocked any concern for how other member view me out of me. My point is that the judgmental looks comments, etc only have the power we give them.

[byu71]

In my own personal experience this is more of a BYU thing than a Utah thing. BYU has "elite" LDS kids from all over the country and there is a competitiveness than bleeds over into this area. I was a guy who had to come home from a mission and experienced the stigma of that at BYU. I then had a child out of wedlock in the aftermath of coming home (for those who don't know, it was a medical reason I came home but it put me into a tail spin) and at that point I might as well have had a scarlet letter.

I remember well the anxiety I had when I went up to Utah and started attending institute. I remember the first few people (lets be honest, girls) who asked me where I went on my mission and when i told them I got sick and had to come home each of them said "oh that happened to my brother" or "Oh yeah, one of my friends had that happen, that sucks" and at least in those cases there appeared to be not one bit of judgment. I was pretty shocked, but no one seemed to care much nor did the kid thing seem to matter as much as one would expect. I have alway attributed this to the U having mostly Utah kids how have spent a lifetime around the full spectrum of LDS people and have see lots of different things. BYU by contrast just has that elite/chosen mentality that is a natural byproduct of the top LDS kids going there. That somehow seems to affect the culture that surrounds the institution, as least for many.

That may just be one part of things, but that was my experience.

I will also add, that I think another facet of this is how intensely concerned we often are with how we look or are perceived in a ward. I know I certainly used to be very worried about that. I think it is very healthy to look around any ward and realize that every family has problems and that what they think doesn't matter much anyway. I know my early adulthood is not typical, but it completely knocked any concern for how other member view me out of me. My point is that the judgmental looks comments, etc only have the power we give them.

There is certainly that element there at BYU. I think it is a minority, but the atmosphere make them so dang comfortable that they espouse their over the top judgments without fear.

For those who have heard my, "on the train on the way to my mission" story, you can stop reading.

On the train on the way to my mission I was sitting next to a guy who went to Weber and I had gone to USU. Another missionary came up and struck up a conversation. We let each other know where we had gone to college. This guy said, in all seriousness, guys on your mission you will get a testimony and want to transfer to the Y. Look me up and I will get you into Young Men.

WE both agreed that if a testimony turned us into guys like him, we didn't want to get one.

[Jeff Lebowski]

In my own personal experience this is more of a BYU thing than a Utah thing. BYU has "elite" LDS kids from all over the country and there is a competitiveness than bleeds over into this area. I was a guy who had to come home from a mission and experienced the stigma of that at BYU. I then had a child out of wedlock in the aftermath of coming home (for those who don't know, it was a medical reason I came home but it put me into a tail spin) and at that point I might as well have had a scarlet letter.

I remember well the anxiety I had when I went up to Utah and started attending institute. I remember the first few people (lets be honest, girls) who asked me where I went on my mission and when i told them I got sick and had to come home each of them said "oh that happened to my brother" or "Oh yeah, one of my friends had that happen, that sucks" and at least in those cases there appeared to be not one bit of judgment. I was pretty shocked, but no one seemed to care much nor did the kid thing seem to matter as much as one would expect. I have alway attributed this to the U having mostly Utah kids how have spent a lifetime around the full spectrum of LDS people and have see lots of different things. BYU by contrast just has that elite/chosen mentality that is a natural byproduct of the top LDS kids going there. That somehow seems to affect the culture that surrounds the institution, as least for many.

That may just be one part of things, but that was my experience.

I will also add, that I think another facet of this is how intensely concerned we often are with how we look or are perceived in a ward. I know I certainly used to be very worried about that. I think it is very healthy to look around any ward and realize that every family has problems and that what they think doesn't matter much anyway. I know my early adulthood is not typical, but it completely knocked any concern for how other member view me out of me. My point is that the judgmental looks comments, etc only have the power we give them.

I think you have a very distorted view of BYU students. I will give you a pass due to your history.

[UtahDan]

I think you have a very distorted view of BYU students. I will give you a pass due to your history.

I'm not saying any of that is their defining characteristic, just that it is in the mix.

[RobinFinderson]

To be fair to PU, I think that the church leadership would like for a vast majority of parents and young men to interpret the statement to mean that every worthy young man should server a mission. I think the wiggle room in the statement is probably there for the small percent of young men who, for reasons that are beyond their control, are not able to serve.

[LA Ute]

To be fair to PU, I think that the church leadership would like for a vast majority of parents and young men to interpret the statement to mean that every worthy young man should server a mission. I think the wiggle room in the statement is probably there for the small percent of young men who, for reasons that are beyond their control, are not able to serve.

I think Robin has nailed it.

[Portland Ute]

To be fair to PU, I think that the church leadership would like for a vast majority of parents and young men to interpret the statement to mean that every worthy young man should server a mission. I think the wiggle room in the statement is probably there for the small percent of young men who, for reasons that are beyond their control, are not able to serve.

Robin, I agree with you 100%.

I think the message was delivered in such a way that the expectation is clear.

If you are living the "honor code", for lack of a better way of describing it, and are physically capable, you should serve a mission.

I would think that those in the "reasons beyond their control" group would be seen as a very, very few by the leaders of the church. They certainly wouldn't including schooling opportunities or jobs or athletics.

[Spicy McHaggis]

I'm glad I went but in a lot of ways I hope my sons do not go.

[Portland Ute]

I'm glad I went but in a lot of ways I hope my sons do not go.

Because I am glad I went might be the only reason I hope my sons go.

I also hope the go somewhere that they get to experience a different country and culture. That really changed my world view. I don't think there is any way I would interpret world events the way I do or have tolerance for other cultures the way I do had I served in Kansas.

I want my kids to go but only if they go somewhere other than the U.S. or Canada.

[Surfah]

Because I am glad I went might be the only reason I hope my sons go.

I also hope the go somewhere that they get to experience a different country and culture. That really changed my world view. I don't think there is any way I would interpret world events the way I do or have tolerance for other cultures the way I do had I served in Kansas.

I want my kids to go but only if they go somewhere other than the U.S. or Canada.

You'd be surprised at the tolerance one gains of their own culture serving stateside. Your eyes will be opened to problems and issues you never even knew existed in your very home.

I also served 6 months of my mission in Kansas.

[Portland Ute]

You'd be surprised at the tolerance one gains of their own culture serving stateside. Your eyes will be opened to problems and issues you never even knew existed in your very home.

I also served 6 months of my mission in Kansas.

Dammit! Sorry.

It was an example.

I suppose what I am saying is that, assuming a kid lives his entire life in the U.S., he will have an entire life to develop tolerance of their own culture.

I want my kids to go foreign, not to gain language skills, rather to appreciate the richness outside of the U.S. and our culture that dominates Western culture. Also, to be able to see from a far that the U.S. has some flaws and is imperfect.

Serving out of the country gave me a great appreciation for another culture, for other ways of life, a different perspective on America. While I gained greater appreciation for living in the U.S., I also realized there are a lot of flaws and faults and that other countries are, in fact, better, in many ways.

I want my kid to have that.

[Surfah]

Dammit! Sorry.

It was an example.

I suppose what I am saying is that, assuming a kid lives his entire life in the U.S., he will have an entire life to develop tolerance of their own culture.

I want my kids to go foreign, not to gain language skills, rather to appreciate the richness outside of the U.S. and our culture that dominates Western culture. Also, to be able to see from a far that the U.S. has some flaws and is imperfect.

Serving out of the country gave me a great appreciation for another culture, for other ways of life, a different perspective on America. While I gained greater appreciation for living in the U.S., I also realized there are a lot of flaws and faults and that other countries are, in fact, better, in many ways.

I want my kid to have that.

I was Spanish speaking stateside. But after 10 months I was always in a position of leadership, assigned an English speaking companion and never got to have a dedicated Spanish area or ward. I'd teach first discussions and then turn them over to the Spanish Elders in the area.

Anyway, I don't think I missed out on anything.

I'll just be grateful if my boys go.

[Portland Ute]

I was Spanish speaking stateside. But after 10 months I was always in a position of leadership, assigned an English speaking companion and never got to have a dedicated Spanish area or ward. I'd teach first discussions and then turn them over to the Spanish Elders in the area.

Anyway, I don't think I missed out on anything.

I'll just be grateful if my boys go.

For me, I needed to live outside the U.S. for a while. I'll scale back my statements to say that, for me, I really needed that experience in my life and I hope that my sons also have that.

[Surfah]

For me, I needed to live outside the U.S. for a while. I'll scale back my statements to say that, for me, I really needed that experience in my life and I hope that my sons also have that.

I am sure you did. I believe mission calls to be inspired. I am sure your sons will go where they need to go as well.

[LA Ute]

Robin, I agree with you 100%.

I think the message was delivered in such a way that the expectation is clear.

If you are living the "honor code", for lack of a better way of describing it, and are physically capable, you should serve a mission.

I would think that those in the "reasons beyond their control" group would be seen as a very, very few by the leaders of the church. They certainly wouldn't including schooling opportunities or jobs or athletics.

Yup.