Mental health, suicide and faith (looong)

[Shaka]

It's no one's fault nor is it the church's fault. Your son has a sickness that can hopefully be addressed in a fashion that will allow him to lead a normal life. Godspeed to your family tooblue.

[clackamascoug]

Pardon my Dust - are you people saying that external influence has no bearing on mental health? So I was predisposed to be depressed - and there was nothing I can do about it?

(BTW - I am clinically certified - if that adds to my street cred on this issue.)

[tooblue]

Pardon my Dust - are you people saying that external influence has no bearing on mental health? So I was predisposed to be depressed - and there was nothing I can do about it?

(BTW - I am clinically certified - if that adds to my street cred on this issue.)

It is a salient question that perhaps can best be answered by another question: would depression still afflict individuals if we did not have poverty, hate, conflict, insensitivity? Yes.

Each of those external influences can act as triggers that bring on feelings of frustration, and strong emotion such as anger, sadness and despair that can exacerbate depressive symptoms, but they are not the cause of baseline mental health issues. Baseline mental health issues are physiological. And despite the fact baseline mental health issues are physiological, the agency of an individual isn't rendered irrelevant, but it can be compromised.

This is where we often fail in our understanding of the impact of mental health: we place an undue level of responsibility for the actions of individuals suffering with baseline mental issues on external factors which may or may not in fact be a factor. Perhaps because it is so hard to comprehend what is plainly incomprehensible.

My child who is intelligent, both emotionally and intellectually, and talented, accomplished and blessed with all the advantages afforded a middle to upper middle class family suffered such painful despair that he succumbed to an ineffable internal voice that relentless gnawed at his psych and compelled him to not only want but to act and harm himself.

I hope you are able to find the support you need to help you with your mental health journey. I am truly sorry you bear that burden.

[Goatnapper'96]

It is a salient question that perhaps can best be answered by another question: would depression still afflict individuals if we did not have poverty, hate, conflict, insensitivity? Yes.

Each of those external influences can act as triggers that bring on feelings of frustration, and strong emotion such as anger, sadness and despair that can exacerbate depressive symptoms, but they are not the cause of baseline mental health issues. Baseline mental health issues are physiological. And despite the fact baseline mental health issues are physiological, the agency of an individual isn't rendered irrelevant, but it can be compromised.

This is where we often fail in our understanding of the impact of mental health: we place an undue level of responsibility for the actions of individuals suffering with baseline mental issues on external factors which may or may not in fact be a factor. Perhaps because it is so hard to comprehend what is plainly incomprehensible.

My child who is intelligent, both emotionally and intellectually, and talented, accomplished and blessed with all the advantages afforded a middle to upper middle class family suffered such painful despair that he succumbed to an ineffable internal voice that relentless gnawed at his psych and compelled him to not only want but to act and harm himself.

I hope you are able to find the support you need to help you with your mental health journey. I am truly sorry you bear that burden.

I think it is fair to ask ourselves what we could have done more or differently to help whenever trauma strikes. But assigning blame is neither healthy nor Christ's way. We all renew ourselves to be our best selves but there is great wisdom in the forgetting aspect of life. I cannot comprehend what you and your family are going through. I can't grasp what it is your son is dealing with-I wish you all the best. My opinion is that just like so many things-it just is. We do our best to help, and that requires thoughtful analysis and change, but life's most meaningful days are ahead of us and our civilization has a tendency to live too much in the past in some Quixotic journey to fix it-we have to accept what is and make the best of it.

God Bless Brother.

[Green Monstah]

Words just don't seem adequate, tooblue. I'm sorry your sweet boy felt the way he felt. I'm sorry that you and your wife are grieving. I am glad that your son is here. I'm praying for all of you.

[Paperback Writer]

Goatnapper's post about asking ourselves what we could have done and doing our best to help reminded me of a story that many may have heard about Pam Bales rescue of John on the hiking trails of Mount Washington in New Hampshire.

"At some point in our lives, each of us has found ourselves walking with a sense of helplessness along a ridgeline and through a personal storm. Alone, devoid of a sense of emotional warmth and safety, and smothered by the darkness of our emotions, we’ve sought that place just off trail where we hoped to find some way to break free of our struggles and strife. Sadly and tragically, some do follow through. Many are able to quietly self-rescue, and others like John are rescued by others like Pam Bales."

https://www.unionleader.com/nh/outdoors/footprints-in-the-snow-lead-to-an-emotional-rescue/article_482a2e0f-e725-5df6-9e7c-5958bdb272e5.html

[tooblue]

My son is home. Because he can’t do anything other than wait for his legs to heal well enough to bear weight, he no longer required the level of care they were providing in hospital. The doctors, nurses and physio team felt sending him home was best for his mental and physical well-being, especially over Christmas.

It took several days. There is no easy mechanism for releasing a patient and then readmitting them two months later. He is due to be transferred to a specialized spinal cord clinic to stay for 8 – 12 weeks starting in late January. Once all the paperwork was done and guarantees set in place, they told us to prepare to take him home.

We don’t have bedrooms on our main floor. This past Thursday evening our ministering sisters came over and helped my wife set up a makeshift bedroom in our dining room. I spent the evening securing supplies to build wheelchair ramps.

The final approval for his release came Friday morning. By mid-day, home health care delivered a wheelchair and commode. We found a hospital table in the classifieds. A member donated a ten-foot metal ramp. With the help of our ministering brethren and my father in-law (who is 93) we extended it to twelve feet up the front steps. We finished just as my wife pulled into the driveway with him in the passenger seat. The physical therapist had taught him how to transfer from a wheelchair into a car.

He is doing well, though bored and restless at times. In good spirits, he does have moments of profound melancholy, but they are mostly fleeting.

Sunday morning, my son was up early. He wanted to go to church. The idea of the family Ward was overwhelming. We took him to the small YSA branch sacrament meeting. Towards the end of the meeting, he wheeled himself up the aisle. Absent a microphone and in a loud voice that can easily fill a room— a voice he gets from me and that I get from my mother—he bore a sweet testimony seated in his wheelchair in front of the rostrum. He testified of Jesus Christ and of the healing power of the atonement. There aren’t words to describe how my wife and I felt in that moment.

One member of our family that perhaps enjoys having our son home most is his dog. Since he arrived home, that dog has not left his side. My son is his boy and has been since he was a very little puppy. Each morning we come down to find them snuggled together in bed. It is the tenderest of mercies.

adogandhisboy.jpg

[Bo Diddley]

Wow. Thanks for sharing. I find that very all quite moving.

[RC Vikings]

That's wonderful tooblue to hear the progress he is making. Long road ahead of him but it's a start.

[beefytee]

Thanks for sharing. It both breaks my heart and touches it at the same time. I hope he continues to find the help and peace he needs.

[USUC]

God bless you, your wife, and your sweet boy.

I have written up and erased a response to your original post a couple of times over the past week. I worked inpatient psych for 8 years and sometimes think I have insight but each response I attempted was too simplistic to be helpful. I can just say that these situations are extremely complex and more often than not don't make sense. Those in a mental health crisis often don't understand why they are feeling the way they do, let alone others around them. Unless there is clear physical or emotional abuse involved, suicidal ideation should never be framed in terms of blame. Temperament/ personality and philosophical clashes from the individual and loved ones are common in most relationships. It's not the reason for why someone feels the way they do.

In my experience, those suffering from depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts are extremely big hearted, sensitive, creative, and abstract thinkers. Their unique abilities and outlook often make them feel like aliens among us. It's hard to make someone who feels so out of step with those around them that they have immense value in this life. But they do. The qualities that make them so prone to fighting demons have the the same potential to make a huge impact on the world around them. Often a greater impact than from the less neurotic among us. I pray that your son can come to understand his worth and the impact he makes in this world. He might not see it now, but his uniqueness is given to him for a reason.The world needs him! We will all be better off with his contributions.

[Green Monstah]

I'm glad he's home.

As much as the church bugs me, it has to be doing more than a few things right to produce people willing to come to other's aid on a moment's notice like the good folks in your ward.

[PaloAltoCougar]

Thanks very much for the deeply moving and inspiring update, tooblue. It makes me want to do more for those around me who are fighting great battles.

[clackamascoug]

Thanks for the update - helps keeps things in perspective for me.

I woke up at 3 am last night lied there looking at the ceiling - started to have negative thoughts - but choose to think of pleasant memories instead. Thought of a long-lost summer's day 44 years ago - and the kindness others have shown to me. It helped.

Started humming a song from 1962 - ain't if funny how the night moves.

[Pelado]

I'm happy to hear of the helping hands lifting you all up. I hope he continues to progress. Much love, tooblue.