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I learned in church today

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  • #8056
    Originally posted by Donuthole View Post
    I love stuff like this. It reminds me of the time we were in the temple waiting to do baptisms with the youth and the temple worker, wanting to emphasize the importance of the temple work about to be performed by the group, announced that it has been estimated that 80% of Temple work performed by proxy is accepted on the other side.
    He's probably not wrong. I bet somebody has estimated that.
    "Seriously, is there a bigger high on the whole face of the earth than eating a salad?"--SeattleUte
    "The only Ute to cause even half the nationwide hysteria of Jimmermania was Ted Bundy."--TripletDaddy
    This is a tough, NYC broad, a doctor who deals with bleeding organs, dying people and testicles on a regular basis without crying."--oxcoug
    "I'm not impressed (and I'm even into choreography . . .)"--Donuthole
    "I too was fortunate to leave with my same balls."--byu71

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    • #8057
      Originally posted by Donuthole View Post
      I love stuff like this. It reminds me of the time we were in the temple waiting to do baptisms with the youth and the temple worker, wanting to emphasize the importance of the temple work about to be performed by the group, announced that it has been estimated that 80% of Temple work performed by proxy is accepted on the other side.
      Lol. Had that exact experience as a YM leader taking kids to the temple.
      "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
      "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
      "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

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      • #8058
        Originally posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
        Lol. Had that exact experience as a YM leader taking kids to the temple.
        The same percentage? In the mouths of 2-3 witnessess!

        I wonder what they're doing on the other side to bring that number up?
        Give 'em Hell, Cougars!!!

        For all this His anger is not turned away, but His hand is stretched out still.

        Not long ago an obituary appeared in the Salt Lake Tribune that said the recently departed had "died doing what he enjoyed most—watching BYU lose."

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        • #8059
          Originally posted by myboynoah View Post
          The same percentage? In the mouths of 2-3 witnessess!

          I wonder what they're doing on the other side to bring that number up?
          Yes. 80%. The specificity is what made me laugh.
          "There is no creature more arrogant than a self-righteous libertarian on the web, am I right? Those folks are just intolerable."
          "It's no secret that the great American pastime is no longer baseball. Now it's sanctimony." -- Guy Periwinkle, The Nix.
          "Juilliardk N I ibuprofen Hyu I U unhurt u" - creekster

          Comment

          • #8060
            Originally posted by Eddie View Post
            Kind of sad to know that anyone who dies in a fire and is burned up will basically be stuck in paradise/prison for eternity because they can't be resurrected. Really sad.
            It is amazing to me to think that the Lord of All, who created everything in existence and who has all power, will be restrained from being able to resurrect individuals only if their bones can be located and are intact.

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            • #8061
              Originally posted by imanihonjin View Post
              It is amazing to me to think that the Lord of All, who created everything in existence and who has all power, will be restrained from being able to resurrect individuals only if their bones can be located and are intact.
              My mom gave me this reason why the church frowned upon cremation. Just another example of not following an argument a step or two further.
              "...you pointy-headed autopsy nerd. Do you think it's possible for you to post without using words like "hilarious," "absurd," "canard," and "truther"? Your bare assertions do not make it so. Maybe your reasoning is too stunted and your vocabulary is too limited to go without these epithets."
              "You are an intemperate, unscientific poster who makes light of very serious matters.”
              - SeattleUte

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              • #8062
                Originally posted by Jeff Lebowski View Post
                Lol. Had that exact experience as a YM leader taking kids to the temple.

                I thought I had shared this before, but I wasn't about to try searching on tapatalk. Got to the office this morning and searched. Turns out it was on Page 1 of this very thread.

                http://www.cougarstadium.com/showthr...l=1#post389497

                Coming up on 10 years since I learned how efficient (or inefficient, as BYU71 pointed out) our temple work is. Also, RIP BYU71 and RIP Slim.
                Last edited by Donuthole; 10-01-2019, 01:40 PM.
                Prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them, along with this slice of humble pie that comes direct from the oven of shame set at gas mark “egg on your face”! -- Moss

                There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese. --Coach Finstock

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                • #8063
                  Originally posted by Donuthole View Post

                  I thought I had shared this before, but I wasn't about to try searching on tapatalk. Got to the office this morning and searched. Turns out it was on Page 1 of this very thread. Coming up on 10 years since I learned how efficient (or inefficient, as BYU71 pointed out) our temple work is. Also, RIP BYU71 and RIP Slim.
                  they are both active on CB.
                  I'm like LeBron James.
                  -mpfunk

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                  • #8064
                    Originally posted by smokymountainrain View Post
                    they are both active on CB.
                    No, they are actually both dead!
                    Ain't it like most people, I'm no different. We love to talk on things we don't know about.

                    "The only one of us who is so significant that Jeff owes us something simply because he decided to grace us with his presence is falafel." -- All-American

                    GIVE 'EM HELL, BRIGHAM!

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                    • #8065
                      Originally posted by falafel View Post
                      No, they are actually both dead!
                      resurrected perhaps. glad they weren't cremated! phew
                      I'm like LeBron James.
                      -mpfunk

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                      • #8066
                        Originally posted by Eddie View Post
                        OK - not really "learned in church", but hopefully close enough to count.

                        My daughter-in-law is taking a Doctrine and Covenants institute class. She says that the teacher likes to get into some deep doctrinal conversations from time to time, and ended up asking me what I thought of the teacher's latest point of discussion during dinner yesterday.

                        Apparently the teacher told them that upon Christ's resurrection, EVERY good person who had died prior to Christ and was worthy of being resurrected during the "first resurrection" was resurrected at that time. Kind of a reference to Matthew 27:52-53, I suppose.

                        So here's the fun part - this guy told them that because all of the good people who died before Christ were resurrected with Christ, that means that when archeologists find the bones of humans that pre-date Christ, that means that those individuals were not good people. Because if they had been good people they would've been resurrected and there would be no bones to find.

                        Admittedly, this is third hand. But that's one of the craziest things I've heard coming from a seminary/institute teacher in a while.
                        This is pretty good. But not quite as good as the discussion an Institute teacher in Logan walked us right up to the edge and then left us to fall into our new reality of knowing that the reason we know that Adam and Eve didn’t have children in the garden was because their bodies were still perfect i.e. didn’t have blood and therefore Adam was physically unable to have an erection making ejaculation and conception impossible.


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                        I told him he was a goddamn Nazi Stormtrooper.

                        Comment

                        • #8067
                          I learned in church today

                          Originally posted by Dwight Schr-ute View Post
                          This is pretty good. But not quite as good as the discussion an Institute teacher in Logan walked us right up to the edge and then left us to fall into our new reality of knowing that the reason we know that Adam and Eve didn’t have children in the garden was because their bodies were still perfect i.e. didn’t have blood and therefore Adam was physically unable to have an erection making ejaculation and conception impossible.
                          Wow! That is some out there stuff. Somebody should totally tell that guy to stop teaching false doctrine, as ejaculation and conception are both totally possible sans erection.
                          Last edited by Donuthole; 10-01-2019, 09:15 PM.
                          Prepare to put mustard on those words, for you will soon be consuming them, along with this slice of humble pie that comes direct from the oven of shame set at gas mark “egg on your face”! -- Moss

                          There are three rules that I live by: never get less than twelve hours sleep; never play cards with a guy who has the same first name as a city; and never get involved with a woman with a tattoo of a dagger on her body. Now you stick to that, and everything else is cream cheese. --Coach Finstock

                          Comment

                          • #8068
                            Originally posted by Donuthole View Post
                            Wow! That is some out there stuff. Somebody should totally tell that guy to stop teaching false doctrine, as ejaculation and conception are both totally possible sans erection.
                            I wouldn't know... but I'll take your word on it.

                            I wrote five pithy things - but Jesus records my online post's - so I thought better.

                            When poet puts pen to paper imagination breathes life, finding hearth and home.
                            -Mid Summer's Night Dream

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                            • #8069
                              Originally posted by Dwight Schr-ute View Post
                              This is pretty good. But not quite as good as the discussion an Institute teacher in Logan walked us right up to the edge and then left us to fall into our new reality of knowing that the reason we know that Adam and Eve didn’t have children in the garden was because their bodies were still perfect i.e. didn’t have blood and therefore Adam was physically unable to have an erection making ejaculation and conception impossible.


                              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                              :yikes:

                              Comment

                              • #8070
                                Originally posted by Dwight Schr-ute View Post
                                their bodies were still perfect... and therefore Adam was physically unable to have an erection.


                                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                                Not quite my definition but okay...

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