I learned in church today

[Uncle Ted]

My bishop said, "The release of Meet the Mormons is going to be like Lethal Weapon 4."

Cool... I can't wait for the final fight scene!

[Dwight Schr-ute]

Cool... I can't wait for the final fight scene!

Isn't one of the girls in it an ultimate fighter or something? My money would still be one the Navy coach.

[DrumNFeather]

"As many of you know, my mom is not from this planet"

[SandYFan]

I attended a sealing yesterday, and the sealer made a point to say that in a particular ordinance, women are pronounced 100% clean, and men are not.

He explained that this is why women are more spiritual than men.

I always figured this sentiment was a result of certain of the brethren feeling like women needed to be told they are awesome, but I was unaware there was a temple basis for it.

And it kind of bugs me, to be honest. A person can be inherently "better" just because of their gender?

My wife thinks the "women are more spiritual" thing exists entirely to placate women who want the priesthood, and was also surprised by this revelation about a temple aspect to it.

[Katy Lied]

Maybe its the monthly post-menstruation ordinance?

...

Gee, I dont know if I'm about to be b*tch slapped by lightning or what. My only excuse is that this is a very real ritual in other religious cultures, including old Judaism.

[Dwight Schr-ute]

They're reorganizing our stake tonight. We all received the following email. I've highlighted my favorite parts.

The Stake Presidency will conduct a special stake conference at the stake center on October 12, 2014, at 6:00 pm., to re-align the wards within our stake as approved by the First Presidency. New wards will be presented for your sustaining vote as well as many leadership changes. We encourage you to attend.

While we appreciate that this is an exciting time for our stake, we discourage speculation or gossip about the upcoming changes, and instead extend the invitation to each member to focus with even greater resolve on our responsibilities as disciples of the Savior to be a good neighbor, to share the gospel, to rescue the one and to minister to those around us.

We ask that you attend the October 12th meeting with humble hearts, prepared to receive the will of the Lord.

We express our love for you and testify that the Lord will bless us individually, as families and as a stake as we continue to serve him faithfully.

[chrisrenrut]

Mia Love bore her testimony in our ward today. Her sister lives in our ward, and Mia was visiting for a special occasion for her sister's husband. She related a genuinely funny story about her first experience with the LDS church. It was a good testimony, and you can tell she is comfortable behind a microphone.

FTR, our Ward is not in the 4th district, so she wasn't stumping for a couple of hundred votes.

I had to assign the opening and closing prayers, and Mia was the last testimony of the meeting. Afterwards, I jokingly apologized to the brother who gave the closing prayer for not knowing to warn him he'd have to follow a celebrity.

[clackamascoug]

If you recall we had a knife wielding assailant in our Sacrament Meeting about 4 years ago, who ended up getting tazed by the cops inside the chapel. Today at church they had the doors locked and a note saying that we could only enter through the main door by the stake offices. There was also a picture saying "If you see this man, call the police, and don't let him in the building. We walked around to the front door, and there were door guards and a county deputy. Apparently the same perp is on the loose and has threatened to make good on his promise to kill certain individuals in our stake.

Good to see that they took this very seriously and had able bodied men at each door of the building.

#stayonyourmeds

[LVAllen]

They're reorganizing our stake tonight. We all received the following email. I've highlighted my favorite parts.

Which stake?

[falafel]

Which stake?

I'm guessing Red Rock. I'll bet Dwight was called to one of the bishoprics, which is why he found the bolded parts above so humorous this morning, but hasn't been back here since.

[BigPiney]

I had a great talk with a man that is going to be baptized next month. He is in his thirties, has served in the army, boosted cars for a living, almost overdosed on heroin, was in a gang, was convicted of a felony, spent 2 years in prison, got tons of sweet prison tats and pretty much hit rock bottom. He has now been active in the church and clean for one year. He has decided that after a year he is ready to be baptized. Truly someone that has a might change of heart.

[Dwight Schr-ute]

Which stake?

I'm guessing Red Rock. I'll bet Dwight was called to one of the bishoprics, which is why he found the bolded parts above so humorous this morning, but hasn't been back here since.

The chickpea sandwich is correct. Red Rock. Although, the rest was incorrect. No extended calling. Yet. Although our building did pick up another ward so now we're 8, 10, 12, and 2. So awesome.

[The_Douger]

I would love 8am church.

[USUC]

I would love 8am church.

But would hate 2:00 pm. 1:00 is bad enough.

[Brian]

Every time I've ever moved, a company has done it, or I move everything that can be moved by me, and then I hire 1 YM ($15 per hour) that I trust, and then he and I do all the 2-person stuff together. Last time we moved ourselves, the HP/EQ were asking to help, and I told them no. I've seen what they do to do people's stuff, and the walls.