Today I cracked a joke before my sacrament meeting talk

[Katy Lied]

Let me preface this by saying I have NEVER ever started a talk with a joke or an apology. Even if I get the assignment an hour before the block, I just proceed. And since I'm not the raconteur that PAC is, I never make jokes either. But today the guy conducting said "Following Katy Lied's talk, we will have a congressional hymn found on page..." (instead of congregational hymn) and he served up a softball so fat I couldn't resist.

Do you regularly start your talks with jokes, or do you make jokes during your talk? Or do you think that they're lame?

[Tick's wife]

Jokes are good, livens up the crowd. Tick does it all the time.

[Non Sequitur]

I remember a talk where the guy started off with the joke. The joke fell flat. Dead silence. But the guy was undeterred, and he immediately proceeded with joke number 2. More silence. Apparently, he had planned on opening with 3 consecutive jokes, so he followed the script. Three straight jokes and nary a chuckle, guffaw, or chortle. A true, awkward Michael Scott moment. Hopefully, your joke was better received.

[marsupial]

I throw in a few jokes into all my talks. I NEVER start out a talk with "when brother so and so called me to talk..."

[Non Sequitur]

I throw in a few jokes into all my talks. I NEVER start out a talk with "when brother so and so called me to talk..."

The all time worst way to open a talk: "Webster's defines the word..."

[marsupial]

The all time worst way to open a talk: "Webster's defines the word..."

I agree. And I never do that either.

[wuapinmon]

The all time worst way to open a talk: "Webster's defines the word..."

I used to start my undergrad term papers that way. <shudder>

[TripletDaddy]

I'm actually interested in hearing the punchline. "congressional hymn" isn't an easy one on the fly. Was it political humor?

[Mormon Red Death]

the only real amuzing joke came at a missionary farewell where the kid was the stake president's son.

He said:

While preparing for my talk I wanted to open with a joke but I only know 2 of them and they are both kind of dirty. So I asked my dad for help and let just say I now know 3 dirty jokes.

[TripletDaddy]

the only real amuzing joke came at a missionary farewell where the kid was the stake president's son.

He said:

That one is a good one. We should start a thread for sacrament jokes. I think everyone resets the same ones.

Reminds me of the old Spanish RM urban legend.....the guy that claims that in his mission, a shy gringa Missionary speaks in Sacrament and says, "estoy embarazada y es la culpa del obispo!" I knew of at least 2 RMs that shared that one with me....one went to Portugal and the other one went to South America somewhere.

[Fiyero]

I did a joke once while attending a student ward at the U. The first thing I did at the podium was pulled out a card and said "I have in my hand a copy of today's Top Ten list, it's the top ten ways the scriptures would be different had they been written by students here at the U." They were things like "instead of the creation taking six days, they would have played Xbox for five days and then pulled an all-nighter."

90% of the congregation was in stitches; the other 10% sat there wide-eyed.

[Mormon Red Death]

I never tell a joke directly like that. My approach is much more indirect. For example, I always tie in some part of Raising Arizona into any talk I give. Always. I recently gave a talk titled, "How Can We Perepare Our Family For Conference?". Here is the lead in:

Some time ago, a famous furniture salesmen in Arizona and his wife were the beneficiary of fertility pills… in fact, they hit the jackpot. Of the event, the local newspaper, the Tempe Intelligencer, read: "ARIZONA QUINTS GO HOME!" The subheading: "More Than We Can Handle,' Laughs Dad."

While we only have three kids - not five; sometimes we feel that the three of them are “more than we can handle”... especially during longer Church meetings such as General (and Stake) conferences. Yadda yadda yadda.

[cropped]

I'm not always as obvious with my allusion (but, truth be told... only one person could place the reference), so - I guess - the joke is more just for my own benefit.

cheers.

That is awesome. Now I have to find a movie worthy to be worked in to ever talk or lesson.

[il Padrino Ute]

It's tough to tell jokes when one doesn't give talks.

[Jeff Lebowski]

I never tell a joke directly like that. My approach is much more indirect. For example, I always tie in some part of Raising Arizona into any talk I give. Always. I recently gave a talk titled, "How Can We Perepare Our Family For Conference?". Here is the lead in:

Some time ago, a famous furniture salesmen in Arizona and his wife were the beneficiary of fertility pills… in fact, they hit the jackpot. Of the event, the local newspaper, the Tempe Intelligencer, read: "ARIZONA QUINTS GO HOME!" The subheading: "More Than We Can Handle,' Laughs Dad."

While we only have three kids - not five; sometimes we feel that the three of them are “more than we can handle”... especially during longer Church meetings such as General (and Stake) conferences. Yadda yadda yadda.

[cropped]

I'm not always as obvious with my allusion (but, truth be told... only one person could place the reference), so - I guess - the joke is more just for my own benefit.

cheers.

That's brilliant. I can see lots of potential tie-ins:

Repentance and forgiveness. Mr. Arizona forgives Hi and Ed after they return the baby.

The importance of family. Hi's touching moment of joy when she first meets Nathan Jr.

Resurrection. I am not quite sure how to pull this off, but Gale and Evelle coming out of the ground when they escape from prison has to tie in with the dead coming forth somehow. You might need a visual for that to pull that one off.

Fathers Day. So many angles to work this one. Hi taking the time to pop in to the grocery store for some Huggies when it is entirely inconvenient is one option. Nathan's quest to find his son even though he has four others to take care of. Etc.

[PaloAltoCougar]

A favorite Far Side cartoon features a view over Lincoln's shoulder as he's giving the Gettysburg Address. His notes show that he's on page two, which includes a carryover sentence from the previous page, something like: "... but the bartender says, 'Hey, that's not a duck, that's my wife!' [wait for laughter] Four score and seven years ago..."

Sometimes it's best not to lead with a joke.

And I dig being referred to as a raconteur.