Interracial marriages and your kids

[scottie]

My wife and I are white, and her younger brother's former girlfriend (she's also white) recently married a black gentleman from Africa which sparked this discussion between the two of us. I'm curious to know what the CUF consensus is... How important to you is the race of your child's spouse? Are you a racist if it's important to you? Does it somehow depend on the race? (For example, is it more of an "issue" for you if the potential SIL/DIL is black than if the SIL/DIL is Asian). My answer to my wife was that I think race is important to me, but I couldn't give a reasonable answer without sounding like a moronic racist.

(I thought it was okay putting this in The Foyer b/c of the LDS Church's historical treatment of the issue).

[byu71]

My wife and I are white, and her younger brother's former girlfriend recently married a black gentleman from Africa which sparked this discussion between the two of us. I'm curious to know what the CUF consensus is... How important to you is the race of your child's spouse? Are you a racist if it's important to you? Does it somehow depend on the race? (For example, is it more of an "issue" for you if the potential SIL/DIL is black than if the SIL/DIL is Asian). My answer to my wife was that I think race is important to me, but I couldn't give a reasonable answer without sounding like a moronic racist.

(I thought it was okay putting this in The Foyer b/c of the LDS Church's historical treatment of the issue).

I am OK if the spouse is black as long as the spouse is also a mormon and of the opposite sex. I am not a racist, but I am a biggot and homo phobe.

[Indy Coug]

One would be unwise to completely dismiss it as something you shouldn't even be concerned about. I think cougarobgon on CG had some interesting personal insights into this topic, so you might find something of value over there.

[DU Ute]

One would be unwise to completely dismiss it as something you shouldn't even be concerned about.

Agreed. Even if you have no problem with it there are going to be plenty of people out there that do. Marriage is hard, it could make it even harder if there are outside forces trying to undermine it.

[beelzebabette]

Followup question: how much say do you think you should have in the selection of your child's spouse?

[Slim]

I'm a product of where I grew up, and where I grew up interracial marriages and children were very common.

It was only when I moved away that I learned there were so many people who had problems with it.

I have absolutely no problem with interracial couples or interracial children. I think that in MOST PARTS of the country the children will not be treated poorly or looked down on by others. Also I don't think the "cultural divide" between the parents will be much worse than what exists when I really poor dude marries a well-off chick (or vice-versa).

[TripletDaddy]

While I agree that outsiders may make race an issue for the rest of their lives, ultimately what is accomplished when we spend time being "concerned" about the race of my future son or daughter-in-law? I guess I don't even know what that means.

I definitely fall into the "don't care that much" end of the spectrum.

[Indy Coug]

Followup question: how much say do you think you should have in the selection of your child's spouse?

I think you should definitely voice your opinion, but ultimately allow them to choose for themself.

[Slim]

Followup question: how much say do you think you should have in the selection of your child's spouse?

My opinion may change when my kids are old enough to marry, but I think that often you can do more harm by interfering than you can by letting your grown children make mistakes.

[Coach McGuirk]

Considering I do not care what race my children are, I will care not the race of the spouse they choose.

[byu71]

While I agree that outsiders may make race an issue for the rest of their lives, ultimately what is accomplished when we spend time being "concerned" about the race of my future son or daughter-in-law? I guess I don't even know what that means.

I definitely fall into the "don't care that much" end of the spectrum.

While some 30 years ago I would have cared, I don't now. How do you feel about interfaith marriages. Say a Jew and a Catholic or a Catholic and a mormon, say a child of yours. 30 years ago that was a serious issue with me, but really not so much anymore.

[RobinFinderson]

One would be unwise to completely dismiss it as something you shouldn't even be concerned about. I think cougarobgon on CG had some interesting personal insights into this topic, so you might find something of value over there.

One should absolutely dismiss it. What purpose could its considerations serve? If you love someone of a different racial makeup, and you consider the prophets' old advice on the subject, you will have doubts that serve no other purpose other than to muddy the waters of your relationship.

Assume you decide not to follow your heart, because of race difference. If you don't ever meet someone that is a better fit, you will forever regret/doubt your choice to 'follow the prophet.'

Assume you decide to marry the person of a different race. When things go bad, as they inevitably will from time to time, you will have this nagging doubt, 'Should I have given more consideration to the prophet's advice on interracial marriage?' Such patterns of thought can only harm the relationship.

I just can't imagine a situation where giving that advice even a moment's consideration would be useful.

Actually, I can imagine a situation. If one views marriage as a means to an end, rather than the natural outcome of following one's heart, then I suppose it would make sense to ask one's self, "Is dealing with the stuff that will happen as a result of marrying someone of a different race really the kind of thing I would like to do with my life?" Of course if one is considering this line of thought, that person probably isn't thinking very much about romantic love.

When Faith came into my life, I fell for her, head over heels. I didn't want to get married at the time. It was totally brutal, because I had just gotten home from my mission, and I was really looking forward to playing the field and having a lot of fun. But I fell for Faith, and I would have been a fool to have not leaped at the chance to follow my heart.

I guess what I am saying is this -- if you believe in true love, I can't see how race could ever be a reasonable consideration.

[scottie]

While I agree that outsiders may make race an issue for the rest of their lives, ultimately what is accomplished when we spend time being "concerned" about the race of my future son or daughter-in-law? I guess I don't even know what that means.

I definitely fall into the "don't care that much" end of the spectrum.

I guess nothing is accomplished, but I'll laugh at someone who claims he/she doesn't have a concern in who his/her kids marry. (Not sure if that's what you mean by "don't even know what that means").

[RC Vikings]

I would have a problem if they were ugly, lazy or unkempt but my wife Rosa and myself wouldn't have much room to talk about an interracial marriage.

[DU Ute]

Considering I do not care what race my children are, I will care not the race of the spouse they choose.

My wife is due to give birth in January and I care very much about the race of the baby. I hope it doesn't make me a bigot, but if the little bugger that pops out is black I'll be pissed off.