Another self-serving thread by Lingo

[JohnnyLingo]

This is another part in my ongoing quest to see if I can be a normal member of this community.

Are you offended if someone doesn't want to be your friend? Say you get a new coworker. If, after a couple weeks, they came into your office and said, "You know what? You're a fine person and all, but I have no interest in being your friend," would that bother you?

I think it speaks to an innate need we each have to be liked. And someone declaring they would rather not pal around with you is essentially saying you're not good enough in some way to make the cut. And that can be hard to handle.

Even if it's subconscious.

[All-American]

This is another part in my ongoing quest to see if I can be a normal member of this community.

Are you offended if someone doesn't want to be your friend? Say you get a new coworker. If, after a couple weeks, they came into your office and said, "You know what? You're a fine person and all, but I have no interest in being your friend," would that bother you?

I think it speaks to an innate need we each have to be liked. And someone declaring they would rather not pal around with you is essentially saying you're not good enough in some way to make the cut. And that can be hard to handle.

Even if it's subconscious.

It would be odd, but you'd shrug and forge on anyway.

It would be even more weird if a group of friends and acquaintances gathered at somebody's house, and one of them says to the rest, "You know what? You're fine people and all, but I have no interest in being your friend."

[falafel]

I think the weirdest part is that they came into your office to say that. Why not just avoid the person? That seems to be how most of us accomplish this. Show no interest. I don't see why you have to vocalize it. Who does that?

[il Padrino Ute]

I think the weirdest part is that they came into your office to say that. Why not just avoid the person? That seems to be how most of us accomplish this. Show no interest. I don't see why you have to vocalize it. Who does that?

But think of how much fun you could have to overreact in a very dramatic way for the entire office to see?

"What?! You don't want to be my friend?! *SOB*" (Exit office with your face buried in your hands while crying)

[Jeff Lebowski]

What kind of idiot would say something like that to a co-worker?

[falafel]

But think of how much fun you could have to overreact in a very dramatic way for the entire office to see?

"What?! You don't want to be my friend?! *SOB*" (Exit office with your face buried in your hands while crying)

But is the entertainment value worth the price? Now the whole office thinks [knows] you are emotionally unstable.

[il Padrino Ute]

But is the entertainment value worth the price? Now the whole office thinks [knows] you are emotionally unstable.

If it gets them to never invite me to out of office activities, then mission accomplished.

I'm the guy who doesn't want to be friends with co-workers.

[Pheidippides]

Are you offended if someone doesn't want to be your friend? Say you get a new coworker. If, after a couple weeks, they came into your office and said, "You know what? You're a fine person and all, but I have no interest in being your friend," would that bother you?

Yes, but not for the reason you might think (an Elder on my mission actually said this to me, btw). It's because it's a stupid thing to do - why bother bringing attention to it? Shows poor social skills and bad judgment, and I'd be very worried if this person had significant client interaction.

[JohnnyLingo]

Okay, so we've established that my hypothetical is weird. Thank you all for that.

But the question was: would that hurt your feelings in any way? Affect how you dealt with that coworker from then on? Might there be a subconscious reaction of some kind?

[falafel]

Okay, so we've established that my hypothetical is weird. Thank you all for that.

But the question was: would that hurt your feelings in any way? Affect how you dealt with that coworker from then on? Might there be a subconscious reaction of some kind?

Of course. On all those levels. You would act differently towards a person that has previously told you that they don't even care to be friendly with you.

[Pheidippides]

Of course. On all those levels. You would act differently towards a person that has previously told you that they don't even care to be friendly with you.

I don't agree on the "hurt my feelings" part. I'm way past the point where I care if somebody wants to be my friend, and I'd probably just dismiss it as socially awkward weirdness.

I'm interested to see if this hypothetical leads in the direction it is pointed.

[falafel]

I don't agree on the "hurt my feelings" part. I'm way past the point where I care if somebody wants to be my friend, and I'd probably just dismiss it as socially awkward weirdness.

I'm interested to see if this hypothetical leads in the direction it is pointed.

The degree of hurt feelings doesn't have to be great, but very few people would not have a negative reaction to someone coming up and saying, unprovoked, "I think so poorly of you that I can see absolutely no reason to even consider you for friendship." I think I agree with Lingo (if this is his hypothesis) that this is really just a big insult.

[FMCoug]

Another self-serving thread by Lingo

Is there any other kind?

[Pheidippides]

The degree of hurt feelings doesn't have to be great, but very few people would not have a negative reaction to someone coming up and saying, unprovoked, "I think so poorly of you that I can see absolutely no reason to even consider you for friendship." I think I agree with Lingo (if this is his hypothesis) that this is really just a big insult.

Maybe so, but I would really (I think) be of the approach that anybody who would take the time to do something so nonsensical is not a person I want to be inviting over to dinner sometime soon anyway.

And if the hypothesis is what you are describing (which it may well be - I honestly don't know), then you have just given me a big smiley face.

[Fiyero]

So JL wants to talk to us about our feelings. Yay.

Just thought I'd interject with a little Elisha action.