Eliminating feelings towards a person

[SandYFan]

Can you completely eliminate all feelings you have for a person?

I submit you cannot. You can choose to ignore them as much as possible, to not act on them, to take measures to lessen them.

But entirely destroying them forever? Not under our control.

Had this discussion on CB, and it seems everyone else on the planet disagrees, and believes you certainly can consciously remove all feelings towards another person if you 1. Have a brain and 2. Are emotionally stable.

Thoughts?

[MarkGrace]

Just get dumped?

[Donuthole]

Just get dumped?

His fb advances toward an old high school gf just got rejected.

[SandYFan]

Just get dumped?

Incredibly happily married.

BUT I will admit I have some lingering feelings towards certain people I have dated in the past. I have never contacted them, or acted on them in any way (nor do I have a desire to), but they exist.

[BigPiney]

Not sure if this is related or the place, but recently I have heard stories from some divorcing couples. In both cases the woman said, "I never loved you". This is so blatantly a lie. So disingenuous. I can see that they say these things to hurt their soon to be former spouse, but why even try and pass it off as truth. I just don't get it.

[YOhio]

Incredibly happily married.

BUT I will admit I have some lingering feelings towards certain people I have dated in the past. I have never contacted them, or acted on them in any way (nor do I have a desire to), but they exist.

Time to test the waters buddy. See what they have to offer.

[Joe Public]

Had this discussion on CB,

That's where you lost me.

[il Padrino Ute]

Can you completely eliminate all feelings you have for a person?

I submit you cannot. You can choose to ignore them as much as possible, to not act on them, to take measures to lessen them.

But entirely destroying them forever? Not under our control.

Had this discussion on CB, and it seems everyone else on the planet disagrees, and believes you certainly can consciously remove all feelings towards another person if you 1. Have a brain and 2. Are emotionally stable.

Thoughts?

I'm with you. The people I hated 25 years ago are still on my list.

[cougjunkie]

This is an interesting discussion.

First to Pineys point, I worked with a girl that was married at 18 and divorced at 21. She made this claim all the time and says she even cried on her wedding day because she knew she was making a mistake. However at other times she would tell me certain things she missed about him. Yet she still claims she never really loved him, I would call her on that all the time. She said she loved the thought of a companion and being with someone but not him.

I think if you suppress your feelings long enough they will go away, you might have nice memories about person but that doesn't mean you still have feelings for them. I have memories of girls that I dated in high school including one that I dated pretty seriously but I don't have any feelings for her, I still see her from time to time (her son plays on my nephews football team) and I don't feel a thing.

[Moliere]

Not sure if this is related or the place, but recently I have heard stories from some divorcing couples. In both cases the woman said, "I never loved you". This is so blatantly a lie. So disingenuous. I can see that they say these things to hurt their soon to be former spouse, but why even try and pass it off as truth. I just don't get it.

Some people reinterpret feelings or experiences to suit their current agenda. Exmos do it when they leave the church. Converts do it when they enter the church. I can imagine people do it when they leave a relationship.

Basically, I agree with you that they are lying.

[Uncle Ted]

I'm with you. The people I hated 25 years ago are still on my list.

According to this research it is healthy to be a hater...

Be a hater, it’s healthy

A new study published in the May print edition of the journal
Cognition and Emotion recommends hating your ex to feel better and avoid depression.


Christopher P. Fagundes, a PhD candidate and researcher at the University of Utah in the US, found "simply asking individuals to assess the quality of their former romantic relationship may not reliably reveal their underlying appraisal of the relationship."

[...]

Well, breaking up may be hard to do, but a little negativity from your friends could help. So try throwing a hating party and do anything to avoid lying in bed with a pint of ice cream. The science backs it up, "given the importance of negative evaluations in post-break-up adjustment, future work should explore whether friends and family members might help people adjust to a recent break-up by drawing attention to the negative aspects of the former relationship," Fagundes wrote.


The next time you are in the midst of un-pairing, remember it is much better for your health to say, "Let's never be friends." Friends show the love by helping your newly single friend hate on their ex, but carefully in case it isn't really over.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/be-a-hater-itrsquos-healthy-1972493.html

So SandY, it seems it is healthier to destroy them.

[Uncle Ted]

And let me add, SandY, as you are going through the process of getting over your ex pick your words carefully. Let me offer some suggestions...

Why the #$%! Do We Swear? For Pain Relief


Dropping the F-bomb or other expletives may not only be an expression of agony, but also a means to alleviate it

Bad language could be good for you, a new study shows. For the first time, psychologists have found that swearing may serve an important function in relieving pain.
[...]

http://www.scientificamerican.com/ar...hy-do-we-swear

[SandYFan]

Look, if I have no desire to act on my feelings, do I need to get over the person the feelings are for?

It's weird to me that I'm weird on this. No one else has feelings they cannot entirely erase?

[Uncle Ted]

No one else has feelings they cannot entirely erase?

Not me. I have erased all my feelings because I believe in science.

I hate my f***'n ex.

[Jacob]

Look, if I have no desire to act on my feelings, do I need to get over the person the feelings are for?

It's weird to me that I'm weird on this. No one else has feelings they cannot entirely erase?

How do you erase feelings? How do you create feelings? Why do you feel? I find that life can be perfectly pleasant absent these "feelings."