Funny Amazon Reviews

[wuapinmon]

There are people who rate things on Amazon purely for comedic effect. Most of them are lame, but some are great.

Use this thread to share them.


[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Avoid-Huge-Ships-John-Trimmer/dp/0870334336"]How to Avoid Huge Ships: John W. Trimmer: 9780870334337: Amazon.com: Books@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/714PH4X5FRL.@@AMEPARAM@@714PH4X5FRL[/ame]

[Jennerstein]

This one is famous:



[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Looking-For-Best-David-Hasselhoff/dp/B0000070S1"]Amazon.com: Looking For-Best of David Hasselhoff: David Hasselhoff: Music@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51lCCNnjpmL.@@AMEPARAM@@51lCCNnjpmL[/ame]

[LiveCoug]

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Denon-AKDL1-Dedicated-Link-Cable/dp/B000I1X6PM/ref=cm_cr_pr_product_top"]Amazon.com: Denon AKDL1 Dedicated Link Cable: Electronics@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41VDnWJV9BL.@@AMEPARAM@@41VDnWJV9BL[/ame]

[The_Douger]

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/The-Mountain-Three-Short-Sleeve/dp/B002HJ377A"]Amazon.com: The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee: Clothing@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51ANCwQnIjL.@@AMEPARAM@@51ANCwQnIjL[/ame]

This is one of my favorite.

[Jeff Lebowski]

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/The-Mountain-T-Shirt-Unicorn-Castle/dp/B0037TPED4/ref=pd_sim_a_1"]Amazon.com: The Mountain T-Shirt Unicorn Castle Tee: Clothing@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41HlebUANPL.@@AMEPARAM@@41HlebUANPL[/ame]

[falafel]

There are people who rate things on Amazon purely for comedic effect. Most of them are lame, but some are great.

Use this thread to share them.


How to Avoid Huge Ships: John W. Trimmer: 9780870334337: Amazon.com: Books

Which of the 205 customer reviews did you like? Or did you want to share all 205 of them?

[Surfah]

Alli, the weight loss pill, has some hilarious reviews. Lots of reviews telling people not to fart or else they will soil their pants while on it. Some even describe how they wear a pad in the rear of their underwear to catch any oily discharge.

Anyway like most other reviews say, you can 'see' the results. In the toilet bowl. Your stool will be either mildly soft to very soft. Now comes the fun part, the oil. For those who have seen chili (the prepared food), you've seen the oil that comes from chili. Thats pretty much the color of the oil that will come out. I personally was not dripping any of it out during the non-bathroom times but some people may want to lay out on their underwear those super thin menstrual pads. Just for safety because we all know orange-brown OIL does not come off cloth that easily, where ever you are. If your using the bathroom most of the time at home, make sure to give a little extra cleaning in the toilet bowl. You will notice the toilet get ...discolored a little faster than usual. (clorax should do the trick) And last but not least, try to keep your farts in. Even if you dont have to crap and just need to take a leak and fart there, you will see those oily droplets.

[Northwestcoug]

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Zenith-ChronoMaster-Mens-Watch-18-1260-4034-02-C505/dp/B001N07JB4/ref=pd_sbs_watch_1"]Zenith ChronoMaster Men's Watch 18-1260-4034-02-C505: Watches: Amazon.com@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51WXn3OwKAL.@@AMEPARAM@@51WXn3OwKAL[/ame]

Expensive watch reviews are always funny. This one is actually on sale, 60000 off the retail price. Now only a cool 100000.

From the reviews:
Home ownership is overrated anyway. So is being married. My wife may have left me when she found out but that's ok. I have unconditional love and companionship strapped to my wrist now. This shiny, slender, ticking companion does not judge me, does not make me massage it's feet, does not make me eat salad, does not tell me I have "mother issues".

[MartyFunkhouser]

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Passion-Natural-Water-Based-Lubricant-Gallon/dp/B005MR3IVO"]Amazon.com: Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant - 55 Gallon: Health & Personal Care@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31AFjheBqGL.@@AMEPARAM@@31AFjheBqGL[/ame]

[wuapinmon]

Amazon.com: Passion Natural Water-Based Lubricant - 55 Gallon: Health & Personal Care

:ROFL:

[Northwestcoug]

http://www.cougaruteforum.com/showpost.php?p=898768&postcount=275

DH's post above in the MTC building thread has a great amazon review. It's for imported Tuscan whole milk:

Once upon a mid-day sunny, while I savored Nuts 'N Honey,
With my Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 gal, 128 fl. oz., I swore
As I went on with my lapping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at the icebox door.
'Bad condensor, that,' I muttered, 'vibrating the icebox door -
Only this, and nothing more.'

Not to sound like a complainer, but, in an inept half-gainer,
I provoked my bowl to tip and spill its contents on the floor.
Stupefied, I came to muddle over that increasing puddle,
Burgeoning deluge of that which I at present do adore -
Snowy Tuscan wholesomeness exclusively produced offshore -
Purg'ed here for evermore.

And the pool so white and silky, filled me with a sense of milky
Ardor of the type fantastic of a loss not known before,
So that now, to still the throbbing of my heart, while gently sobbing,
I retreated, heading straightway for the tempting icebox door -
Heedless of that pitter-patter tapping at the icebox door -
I resolved to have some more.

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
'This,' said I, 'requires an extra dram of milk, my favorite pour.'
To the icebox I aspired, motivated to admire
How its avocado pigment complemented my decor.
Then I grasped its woodgrain handle - here I opened wide the door; -
Darkness there, and nothing more.

Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing,
Doubting, dreaming dreams of Tuscans I had known before
But the light inside was broken, and the darkness gave no token,
And the only words there spoken were my whispered words, 'No more!'
Coke and beer, some ketchup I set eyes on, and an apple core -
Merely this and nothing more.

Back toward the table turning, all my soul within me burning,
Soon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than before.
'Surely,' said I, 'surely that is something at my window lattice;
Let me see then, what thereat is, and this mystery explore -
Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore; -
'Tis the wind and nothing more!'

From the window came a stirring, then, with an incessant purring,
Inside stepped a kitten; mannerlessly did she me ignore.
Not the least obeisance made she; not a minute stopped or stayed she;
But, with mien of lord or lady, withdrew to my dining floor -
Pounced upon the pool of Tuscan spreading o'er my dining floor -
Licked, and lapped, and supped some more.

Then this tiny cat beguiling my sad fancy into smiling,
By the grand enthusiasm of the countenance she wore,
Toward the mess she showed no pity, 'til I said, 'Well, hello, kitty!'
Sought she me with pretty eyes that seemed to open some rapport.
So I pleaded, 'Tell me, tell me what it is that you implore!'
Quoth the kitten, 'Get some more.'

I tip my hat to this anonymous amazon reviewer. Very well done.

[wuapinmon]

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/dp/B0002CYTL2/ref=cm_sw_r_fa_dp_bTH5qb047STRC?tag=hydfbook0e-20&ascsubtag=US-SAGE-1357909692262-GMYAA"]Amazon.com: Playmobil Security Check Point: Toys & Games@@AMEPARAM@@http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41G9WA5NRDL.@@AMEPARAM@@41G9WA5NRDL[/ame]

[DrumNFeather]

I missed this thread somehow. I haven't laughed so much i a good long while.

[Joe Public]

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bears:

http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-C...owViewpoints=1

[wuapinmon]

http://www.amazon.com/Melanies-Marve...velous+measles

My infant daughter went blind after contracting measles from an unvaccinated child, and yet there's no braille version of this wonderful book for me to give her someday to explain to her how awesome the disease that took her sight away is.

As a carpenter who specializes in itty bitty coffins I can't say enough good things about this book, my customer base has been growing at an epidemic rate!