Adventures in Parenting

[Pelado]

this made me think of a recent blunder made by yours truly.

The other day I went to a neighbor's house to borrow something so I went out the back door, through the yard, and into the alley to get to his back door (we always go to friends' backdoors in my neighborhood) My youngest (18 months) was in our yard (it's fenced) playing. As I came back I noticed that she was in the alley playing by our car. There was nobody in the yard. Apparently I left the gate open, she saw me walk away and started following me but was distracted by the wonders of the alley and our car. It kind of freaked me out seeing her there, alone.

At first, I thought you said she was 18 years old instead of eighteen months. I didn't understand

A) why she was playing in your yard and
B) how she had averted wrecking your car while you were away.

[SuperGabers]

I've never heard of Virginia bacon.

Bacon? Ham? What's the diff. It all comes from delicious, sweet, Virginia pigs.

[Pheidippides]

Part Ia:

One of the things my wife and I discussed yesterday on the phone is that she'd become my mother in a couple of respects. That is to say, when she gets cranky at the kids to get stuff done, she doesn't bark like I do. She whines. In other words, when I need to get my son to get dressed and he won't do it after I ask nicely (kids being kids), I put some intensity in my voice and tell him to get dressed NOW (I go from asking him to get dresses to commanding him authoritatively). What my wife does (and what my mother did) is to go from asking to whining about lack of response ("I'm so sick and tired of you not getting dressed on time!"). The voice intensity is there but it's not an authoritative command. It's passive aggressive, which is something most kids don't accept Or respect (and in my son's case will game). What it does is show that the kid has the ability to manipulate emotions of the parent, so they do so.

It's kind of shocking that it took me 10 years to realize that difference in our parenting approaches, given that I have 17 years worth of experience with my own mom. It explains why I get results and my wife does not, at least to a degree (there are other reasons too, one of which may be as simple as "I'm Dad, dammit!").

My wife spent the afternoon ruminating on that (to her credit she was not at all defensive when I made the suggestion) and she decided to try it out. Immediate and noticeable results. She actually pulled me aside this am and thanked me for my critique of her parenting, which I think may be a world-wide first and last. So now we both have a consistent hierarchy of escalation (nothing involving yelling, mind you) when the kids don't do what they should.

[HuskyFreeNorthwest]

Bacon? Ham? What's the diff. It all comes from delicious, sweet, Virginia pigs.

LOL, falafel is probably one of those people that asks the pizza place if they have "canadian bacon or ham", before he places his order.

[SuperGabers]

LOL, falafel is probably one of those people that asks the pizza place if they have "canadian bacon or ham", before he places his order.

Seriously, HFN.

[TripletDaddy]

Part Ia:

One of the things my wife and I discussed yesterday on the phone is that she'd become my mother in a couple of respects. That is to say, when she gets cranky at the kids to get stuff done, she doesn't bark like I do. She whines. In other words, when I need to get my son to get dressed and he won't do it after I ask nicely (kids being kids), I put some intensity in my voice and tell him to get dressed NOW (I go from asking him to get dresses to commanding him authoritatively). What my wife does (and what my mother did) is to go from asking to whining about lack of response ("I'm so sick and tired of you not getting dressed on time!"). The voice intensity is there but it's not an authoritative command. It's passive aggressive, which is something most kids don't accept Or respect (and in my son's case will game). What it does is show that the kid has the ability to manipulate emotions of the parent, so they do so.

It's kind of shocking that it took me 10 years to realize that difference in our parenting approaches, given that I have 17 years worth of experience with my own mom. It explains why I get results and my wife does not, at least to a degree (there are other reasons too, one of which may be as simple as "I'm Dad, dammit!").

My wife spent the afternoon ruminating on that (to her credit she was not at all defensive when I made the suggestion) and she decided to try it out. Immediate and noticeable results. She actually pulled me aside this am and thanked me for my critique of her parenting, which I think may be a world-wide first and last. So now we both have a consistent hierarchy of escalation (nothing involving yelling, mind you) when the kids don't do what they should.

Nik, I thought the distinction your drew in your post was really interesting. Simple, but well articulated. I shared it with MMM this morning while we were eating breakfast. She has often commented to me that she gets frustrated that the kids don't listen to her as much as they do when I tell them to do something. I offered up your post as a possible explanation, and at the very least an interesting peek into the parenting exploits of respectable citizenry that are not looking to beat their children into submission.

Like your wife, MMM found it totally inoffensive. Perhaps both wives were gripped with the spirit of Elder Bednar's well known counsel.

Anyhow, I appreciate your keeping it real with these posts, especially if they include pictures of you half dressed.

[Pheidippides]

Anyhow, I appreciate your keeping it real with these posts, especially if they include pictures of you half dressed.

I have it on good authority there is an upcoming video that includes a shower scene.

[Babs]

I have it on good authority there is an upcoming video that includes a shower scene.

[Pelado]

I was a nine watching a five once. It really really stressed me out. I kinda think it's too young.

Has there ever been a weaker-minded, more emotionally unstable 9-year-old?

[jay santos]

I was a nine watching a five once. It really really stressed me out. I kinda think it's too young.

I can't remember what it's like to be nine that well, but I've had four nine year olds now. Give them some food, a remote control, and tell them not to go outside, and you're fine for an hour or two. Of course when you come home, the nine year old is crying, the house smells like burnt microwave popcorn, the five year old is missing and you find him riding his bike three blocks away, but all's well that ends well.

[wuapinmon]

Part Ia:

One of the things my wife and I discussed yesterday on the phone is that she'd become my mother in a couple of respects. That is to say, when she gets cranky at the kids to get stuff done, she doesn't bark like I do. She whines. In other words, when I need to get my son to get dressed and he won't do it after I ask nicely (kids being kids), I put some intensity in my voice and tell him to get dressed NOW (I go from asking him to get dresses to commanding him authoritatively). What my wife does (and what my mother did) is to go from asking to whining about lack of response ("I'm so sick and tired of you not getting dressed on time!"). The voice intensity is there but it's not an authoritative command. It's passive aggressive, which is something most kids don't accept Or respect (and in my son's case will game). What it does is show that the kid has the ability to manipulate emotions of the parent, so they do so.

It's kind of shocking that it took me 10 years to realize that difference in our parenting approaches, given that I have 17 years worth of experience with my own mom. It explains why I get results and my wife does not, at least to a degree (there are other reasons too, one of which may be as simple as "I'm Dad, dammit!").

My wife spent the afternoon ruminating on that (to her credit she was not at all defensive when I made the suggestion) and she decided to try it out. Immediate and noticeable results. She actually pulled me aside this am and thanked me for my critique of her parenting, which I think may be a world-wide first and last. So now we both have a consistent hierarchy of escalation (nothing involving yelling, mind you) when the kids don't do what they should.

I had this same conversation with my wife recently. My third paragraph did not go the same as nik's.