I don't know why, but it seems like every 366th day (367 on leap years) I am summoned for jury duty. My wife was only asked once in our 10 year marriage, and since she was pregnant, she didnt even have to go. They have never asked her to return.
I am almost on a first name basis with these people here. The nice thing about Jury Duty is that I am never chosen, so I usually get a half day and go home. Since I am a saavy vet, I knew some of the tricks that many of the rookies are figuring out as I type this. For example....
1. There will be natural segregation of business-type jurors and riff raff jurors. The business people are the ones that have jobs. They show up to jury duty with a backpack, laptop, newspaper, blackberry, etc. The riff raff show up with nothing. Maybe an iPod if they thought ahead. Since they have nothing to distract them, they want to spend their day talking.....to you. The smart move is to seek out people that look like they spend all day working inside your office and sit there. Avoid people that look like they spend all day on the curb outside your office.
2. If this is a jury of my peers, then I need to lose some weight and also speak more Spanish on a daily basis.
3. Hotness is power. Every now and then, you will find that one of your peers is actually a pretty hot blonde chick. Laws of natural selection apply in jury duty, so the hot jurors will seek out men that would make a good mate for the day. Arrive early enough to spot these hot jurors as they walk in and be prepared to be flexible with your seating, as hot jurors will invariably wind up roaming around for the best seat in the waiting room. Fortunately, hot female jurors tend to sit with the business types, not the riff raff.
4. Power is power. There are only so man A/C outlets and laptop stations. If you don't get here at least 20 minutes early, you are going without power for the entire day. The scramble for power strips is akin to the battle for gasoline in the Mad Max movies. People start looking under tables and chairs and behind bookshelves in an effort to find those precious few droplets of electricity. And if someone with power access gets up or leaves, there is a small horde of people that descend on that outlet like buzzards. I got here early enough not only to have power, but to have my own little cubicle....there are only about 25 of those and once they are gone, they are gone all day. RUle of thumb for me....if you are a guy, the chances are low that I will share my power strip with you. If you are a hot female juror, I will be more than happy to share my power strip with you. oh, hey, so what's your name? where do you live?......
5. It is great that you think you are important. It is not great that you want to announce to the people around you that you are really busy and that you wish you could just leave because you have "important meetings" today. Everyone else wants to leave, too. There are always a few people that spend the day complaining about how they have so many better things to do because they are so important.
Right now everyone is finishing check in. In about 30 minutes the death watch begins. Every so often, the clerk will go up to the podium to make courtoom assignments. Everyone stops what they are doing and you can hear pins drop. Those that are chosen stand up and are marched out of the room, often never to be seen again. They are resigned to their fate.
Today I sit here with confidence, knowing that I will likely cheat death yet again.
So far, nobody has asked to use my power strip. It is early yet. Miles to go before I sleep......
I am almost on a first name basis with these people here. The nice thing about Jury Duty is that I am never chosen, so I usually get a half day and go home. Since I am a saavy vet, I knew some of the tricks that many of the rookies are figuring out as I type this. For example....
1. There will be natural segregation of business-type jurors and riff raff jurors. The business people are the ones that have jobs. They show up to jury duty with a backpack, laptop, newspaper, blackberry, etc. The riff raff show up with nothing. Maybe an iPod if they thought ahead. Since they have nothing to distract them, they want to spend their day talking.....to you. The smart move is to seek out people that look like they spend all day working inside your office and sit there. Avoid people that look like they spend all day on the curb outside your office.
2. If this is a jury of my peers, then I need to lose some weight and also speak more Spanish on a daily basis.
3. Hotness is power. Every now and then, you will find that one of your peers is actually a pretty hot blonde chick. Laws of natural selection apply in jury duty, so the hot jurors will seek out men that would make a good mate for the day. Arrive early enough to spot these hot jurors as they walk in and be prepared to be flexible with your seating, as hot jurors will invariably wind up roaming around for the best seat in the waiting room. Fortunately, hot female jurors tend to sit with the business types, not the riff raff.
4. Power is power. There are only so man A/C outlets and laptop stations. If you don't get here at least 20 minutes early, you are going without power for the entire day. The scramble for power strips is akin to the battle for gasoline in the Mad Max movies. People start looking under tables and chairs and behind bookshelves in an effort to find those precious few droplets of electricity. And if someone with power access gets up or leaves, there is a small horde of people that descend on that outlet like buzzards. I got here early enough not only to have power, but to have my own little cubicle....there are only about 25 of those and once they are gone, they are gone all day. RUle of thumb for me....if you are a guy, the chances are low that I will share my power strip with you. If you are a hot female juror, I will be more than happy to share my power strip with you. oh, hey, so what's your name? where do you live?......
5. It is great that you think you are important. It is not great that you want to announce to the people around you that you are really busy and that you wish you could just leave because you have "important meetings" today. Everyone else wants to leave, too. There are always a few people that spend the day complaining about how they have so many better things to do because they are so important.
Right now everyone is finishing check in. In about 30 minutes the death watch begins. Every so often, the clerk will go up to the podium to make courtoom assignments. Everyone stops what they are doing and you can hear pins drop. Those that are chosen stand up and are marched out of the room, often never to be seen again. They are resigned to their fate.
Today I sit here with confidence, knowing that I will likely cheat death yet again.
So far, nobody has asked to use my power strip. It is early yet. Miles to go before I sleep......
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