Baby Showers for Teenage Moms

[DU Ute]

Thanks, Gidget. That was touching.

[SteelBlue]

Gidget, thanks for posting that. Your words are very moving and can teach us a lot, no matter where we come down on this issue.

[Surfah]

Do you think if Gidget knew what kind of Uncles Leah would have she would have rethought her decisions in life?

Yes.

She really does love FN Phat though. Since the first time they met Leah has been his shadow.

[Donuthole]

boom bitches!

Lol! That was the exact thought I had after reading Gidget's post. I even said it in my mind. Then, the very next post is exactly that.

[SuperGabers]

Thanks for posting Gidget. It turned the tone around in this thread considerably. As for myself, I go back to the age-old phrase of "what would Jesus do?" I think Jesus would throw the biggest bash ever for the mother and child and buy the most expensive gift.

A year ago, it was announced by a mother in our ward in testimony meeting that her daughter was pregnant. I was the next person to go up and the first thing I said was, "Sister Smith you let Jane know that I throw the rockingest baby shower ever and I will do one for her."

I'm sure I got a few gasps in the congregation, but I was happy to see that even the Sisters of the "Old Conservative Guard" showed up to the shower I threw for Jane. People always surprise me.

[byu71]

I can't give the woman's perspective, but I can give the old farts perspective.

While I disagree with Mrs Funk take on this, I can see where someone might feel this way and I didn't feel offended in the way she expressed herself at all.. It is nice to see someone who has a differing opinion express it in a calm and thoughtful manner as Gidget did. Others may have too, but Gidgets was the longest.

My DIL threw a baby shower for my son, her brother in law, and his unamrried pregnant girlfriend They ended up never marrying. A couple of people chose not to come and not only did not come, but made sure I knew they didn't come because they were not going to support sin. Who were they hurting. Well my DIL was hurt. I told her to ignore them.

My granddaughter is now eight and absolutely the light of my life. Probably because unlike the other grandchildren, whom I love dearly, she comes and visits every other weekend and has done so for 8 years. This is the little girl who a couple of years ago told me she wasn't going to vote for Obama, but wished Duncan Hunter was running instead of McCain

Anyway, I know I don't encourage having children out of wedlock. On the other hand I am glad my son and his girlfriend did. I can't explain how such a beautiful spirit can be the result of what some perceive as such an aggregious act. I am left to not judge or debate the issue in my mind. What I do know is awesome wonderful children come from such an act. We can at least celebrate their birth whether they come to us through the bonds of matrimony or not.

[YOhio]

Anyway, I know I don't encourage having children out of wedlock. On the other hand I am glad my son and his girlfriend did. I can't explain how such a beautiful spirit can be the result of what some perceive as such an aggregious act. I am left to not judge or debate the issue in my mind. What I do know is awesome wonderful children come from such an act. We can at least celebrate their birth whether they come to us through the bonds of matrimony or not.

When I was at BYU I took an U.S. Economic History course by Carl Wimmer. As part of the class he had the students trace their ancestry back a few generations to see if our families followed the economic trends. I had never really been interested in family history and I knew little about my forbears. It was a bit of a surprise when I discovered that my oldest uncle was born about two months after my grandparents were married.

[byu71]

When I was at BYU I took an U.S. Economic History course by Carl Wimmer. As part of the class he had the students trace their ancestry back a few generations to see if our families followed the economic trends. I had never really been interested in family history and I knew little about my forbears. It was a bit of a surprise when I discovered that my oldest uncle was born about two months after my grandparents were married.

A couple of times a distraught couple have asked what to do and tell people when their child arrives a couple of months early. Both times I suggested they make some up reason for why the child was premature, like the gal fell and that started the contractions. They won't dare care you liars.

However, 7 months early due to a fall might have been a stretch.

[New Mexican Disaster]

For my job I work with a constant stream of women who are victims of domestic violence. They are mainly very young and have multiple children and are struggling massively to take care of their children and themselves and to deal with the great shock to their life, often without the skills necessary to provide for their families. This work has given me a close up look at the lives of young women and the pressures that they face.

The thing I find the most remarkable about them is that most are unaware how difficult their lives are in comparison to those around them,especially since they are taking on 100 % of child care responsibilites. However, this is what many of them grew up with themselves.

In some ways I share Ms. Funk's apprehension at the party atmosphere because I know that while children being born into the world is always a cause for celebration I am afraid that many young women (especially those looking in on the situation) are more excited about the celebration than they are about the child. But on balance I think the baby shower circuit is a positive because it shows an outpouring of love and support for the mother and child by the community of people that are likely to need to band together to help that child develop in the best way possible for that child.

In essence I think I understand what Ms. Funk is getting at.

Also, a quick story. I had an underage LDSgirl come to my office for advice about dealing with her pregnancy with a child she intended to keep. I congratulated her on bringing a life into the world and told her what a joy and a blessing children were in my life and that I was happy that she could have that blessing in hers as well. Later she thanked me more for that than for my assistance with her legal issues, because, she said it was the first time someone had said something positive about this experience.
what a hero I am huh?

[TheAzzuri]

For my job I work with a constant stream of women who are victims of domestic violence. They are mainly very young and have multiple children and are struggling massively to take care of their children and themselves and to deal with the great shock to their life, often without the skills necessary to provide for their families. This work has given me a close up look at the lives of young women and the pressures that they face.

The thing I find the most remarkable about them is that most are unaware how difficult their lives are in comparison to those around them,especially since they are taking on 100 % of child care responsibilites. However, this is what many of them grew up with themselves.

In some ways I share Ms. Funk's apprehension at the party atmosphere because I know that while children being born into the world is always a cause for celebration I am afraid that many young women (especially those looking in on the situation) are more excited about the celebration than they are about the child. But on balance I think the baby shower circuit is a positive because it shows an outpouring of love and support for the mother and child by the community of people that are likely to need to band together to help that child develop in the best way possible for that child.

In essence I think I understand what Ms. Funk is getting at.

Also, a quick story. I had an underage LDSgirl come to my office for advice about dealing with her pregnancy with a child she intended to keep. I congratulated her on bringing a life into the world and told her what a joy and a blessing children were in my life and that I was happy that she could have that blessing in hers as well. Later she thanked me more for that than for my assistance with her legal issues, because, she said it was the first time someone had said something positive about this experience.
what a hero I am huh?

I agree. That was very well said.

Also, Gidget, let me be another in a long line to say thanks. Reading posts like that are a big part of what makes this board worth reading.

[cowboy]

While I'm sure Mrs. Funk would like to reword her initial post, the question is still valid. How do you support mother and child and without sending a message to young girls that pregnancy and single parenthood is no big deal? Personally, I have no problem with baby showers, etc. At that point, the mother needs all the boost to her self-esteem she can get. Hell, even married women feel like crap about themselves when they are 8 months pregnant.

Gidget is obviously the poster child for dealing with a mistake and making good subsequent choices to bring to pass a happy ending. But not all single moms end up married to BYU fans, and it is for them that we weep.

[Slim]

While I'm sure Mrs. Funk would like to reword her initial post, the question is still valid. How do you support mother and child and without sending a message to young girls that pregnancy and single parenthood is no big deal? Personally, I have no problem with baby showers, etc. At that point, the mother needs all the boost to her self-esteem she can get. Hell, even married women feel like crap about themselves when they are 8 months pregnant.

Gidget is obviously the poster child for dealing with a mistake and making good subsequent choices to bring to pass a happy ending. But not all single moms end up married to BYU fans, and it is for them that we weep.

I don't believe it is really that difficult to strike a healthy balance. After the teenager has already become pregnant, it is a little late to be trying to teach lessons about the gravity of the situation. It won't help at that point. You just need to be supportive. She'll be emotional enough without friends/family making it harder on her.

And if you are raising a girl and you are worried about her seeing the showers and thinking that teen pregnancy is one big party then you need to talk to her. You can talk candidly to her about how the pregnant girl just made her life extremely difficult and the reason that everyone is showing so much support to her right now is because she is going to need it (even more so than if she was older/married). I think a teenager is capable of understanding that this is a situation where it is not necessary or useful to punish the pregnant girl.

[wuapinmon]

And if you are raising a girl and you are worried about her seeing the showers and thinking that teen pregnancy is one big party then you need to talk to her. You can talk candidly to her about how the pregnant girl just made her life extremely difficult and the reason that everyone is showing so much support to her right now is because she is going to need it (even more so than if she was older/married). I think a teenager is capable of understanding that this is a situation where it is not necessary or useful to punish the pregnant girl.

This is a good way to put this thread to bed.

[landpoke]

When I was at BYU I took an U.S. Economic History course by Carl Wimmer. As part of the class he had the students trace their ancestry back a few generations to see if our families followed the economic trends. I had never really been interested in family history and I knew little about my forbears. It was a bit of a surprise when I discovered that my oldest uncle was born about two months after my grandparents were married.

Don't you people believe in miracles and immaculate conception and shit?

[landpoke]

Why is it every time a woman expresses a controversial opinon on CUF, others have to accuse her of speaking from some emotional wellspring? Babs cant criticize RB without others charging that she wants to be the alpha female. Why can't a woman just have an intellectual opinion?

That's cute. Don't you have some pies to make or something?