Baby Showers for Teenage Moms

[Jacob]

It's a fair point.

This thread has brought out the mean in people, though, and I'm sorry I posted it. Mods, would somebody remove it, please?

Well, the mean did all start with the initial post. But I suppose enough has been said about that. I'll just add that I also thought it was mean and shallow.

[Jacob]

junkie is insulting my wife that is the problem that I have right now.

Wow. A little off the deep end there. If you or your wife can't handle a little honest reaction and mild rebuke as shallow and sheltered, then maybe this board isn't the place for either of you.

[Mrs. Funk]

Have fun belittling me, guys. I'm outta here.

[falafel]

Wow. A little off the deep end there. If you or your wife can't handle a little honest reaction and mild rebuke as shallow and sheltered, then maybe this board isn't the place for either of you.

I think Mrs. Funk handled it well (no offense, mitchell)

[MartyFunkhouser]

Wow. A little off the deep end there. If you or your wife can't handle a little honest reaction and mild rebuke as shallow and sheltered, then maybe this board isn't the place for either of you.

The problem is not that he called the post shallow or sheltered, he called my wife shallow and sheltered. That is the problem that I have with it. It was an insult of my wife and I am going to speak my mind when someone goes after her. I'm assuming most husbands would do the same thing.

By the way, cougjunkie's reactions are rarely an honest reaction, they are specifically posted to get a rise out of people. In some ways, I lost because I finally let him get to me when he has been picking for a couple of days now trying to get a rise, but I'm always going to defend my wife if she is attacked.

[creekster]

Geez, can't we just knock this off? If you want to talk about the original point, that's one thing, but to debate the recriminations again and again is rather pointless, isn't it?

[Babs]

Geez, can't we just knock this off? If you want to talk about the original point, that's one thing, but to debate the recriminations again and again is rather pointless, isn't it?

DID NOT!!

[YOhio]

This topic is treated exceptionally well in the Lifetime original move "The Pregnancy Pact." IIRC, there is a thread about it here.

[Babs]

wow. for a second I could have sworn there was a post that said Surfah was pregnant. Don't worry, surf, we'll keep your secret!

[Gidget]

Dear Mrs.Funk,

I have always thought we could be real good friends if we met off the board, I still feel that way after reading this thread. That said, you should know I got pregnant out of wedlock when I was 21. I wasn't a teenager but I was close and though mature for my age still was as unprepared for the news. After the shock wore off I got my butt in gear went to the Bishop and did what I needed to do.

Though my bishop and close friends and most of my singles branch accepted the news and moved on, some did not. I was keeping my baby. My parents who are not LDS (I converted when I was 17 by myself) thought giving my baby up for adoption was an awful thing to do and said if I was going to do that then they would adopt her. Well, I wasn't going to do that, why make a complicated situation even more so . . . I knew all along that the baby would stay with me and that I wouldn't be giving her up. So I went to Church everyday and did the norm, attended Church functions and partied and events all while getting bigger and bigger. People looked, people stared, and some asked questions. Some glared and thought I should be hanging my head. Some said mean things because they knew what I had done to get myself into the situation (psssst: I had sex and was not married).

It was the best and worst time of my life, but really just the worst and should have been the best. For a lot of reasons. I had a lot of guilt for the obvious reasons: I had committed a grievous sin, I wasn't going the adoption route, etc. I felt bad when I would get excited about having a baby, because I knew people would think that I shouldn't celebrate the result of my horrible decisions. Though my friends never judged me (not once, they are the best people in the world, and I'll add they all had temple marriages and were top notch kids) - I still felt the judgment everywhere I went. My life revolved around my friends and my friends went to Church and I was going to Church still and trying to get through the repentance process, knowing that people knew exactly why I wasn't taking the Sacrament. I felt like there might as well have been a Scarlett letter sewn to the front of all my shirts, hell there basically was, I was obviously showing by this point.

Sometimes I would talk to my belly when I was alone and just cry. I couldn't feel happy outside so I just tried to be happy when I was alone, but all I ended up doing was crying. It was a weird place, I was supposed to feel normal shame but for how long??? How long was I supposed to feel it before I could start being happy and bring my child into a happy place and give her a mother who could accept my wrongs and move on, but wait . . . . sex before marriage should never be accepted, it is not ok and always wrong! But my daughter should be accepted . . . . how could I make these two points coincide?? It was rough, and certainly not as easy as the whole "hate the sin, love the sinner" mantra.

Sometimes I felt like Leah (my daughter, 4 yrs now) was all I had. If it wasn't for my friends I wouldn't have been able to survive, they were awesome, like angels and body guards willing to love and protect me when I was being glared at and talked about. Eventually, I realized I started loving Leah when she was still inside me, and the guilt faded away. I still felt what I had done was wrong, but I had made it through the repentance process (even to the temple when Leah was 5 months) and knew that there was no reason to feel shame anymore and there was no reason to even have that mindset. I didn't want my daughter being born into that mindset -that she was just the one good thing that came out of such a horrible act. Because everything about her was perfect, circumstance and all.

I had two baby showers, one given to me by the Relief Society president in my home ward (that'll show 'em!!) and I am sure there were people who didn't come and felt like you did about seeing those pictures. But a baby is something to celebrate, there is no need to punish the mother for her sins by not celebrating a new child. She will answer for her sins when this life is over.

One of my best friends who supported me all through my pregnancy realized this the hard way. My friends wanted to drive me out to the coast to go shopping when Leah was just 6 months old. The whole point was for me to get some new clothes, but I ended up watching Leah the whole time and everyone else got tons of stuff, my stroller became everyone's shopping cart. When I told my good friend Nikki how upset I was that we were leaving and I didn't manage to get any time to get anything she gave me a weird look and didn't say anything. But I knew exactly what she was thinking, she was my best friend after all . . . later that night I called her and told her I was hurt and could tell that she was thinking. She apologized and started crying, she said, "You are right, when you were telling me how disappointed you were that you didn't get anything all I was thinking is that you deserved to be frustrated, and deserved to be disappointed, that those were the things you should feel when you have a baby out of wedlock and unprepared. That those are the things moms give up when they have kids and you shouldn't ever complain because you brought this situation upon yourself by keeping Leah." She was so sorry that she had ever thought those things and couldn't believe that even she herself had thought them.

The truth is when you become a mom, even when you are young and out of wedlock, you don't have to give up being happy about it, getting what you want, and you certainly don't have to give up the right to complain about motherhood. Because motherhood is hard. It is hard for everyone, married or not . Everyone needs love and a good example more than they do judgment. Sometimes there are people in my life who still think that part of me should be eternally shameful for the things I have done, but that is not so. If I can repent and move on how much happier of a life will my daughter, Leah, lead through my joy? A joy with no shame. Where she doesn't have to feel like she is the result of sin. Leah will be a good daughter of our Heavenly Father because of the love and example I am to her. Without her I wouldn't have what I have now, which is a lot. She is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I know you didn't mean to cause so much craziness, though I'll admit I was surprised by your initial post, I just wanted to share my story. I still think we could be kindred spirits.

Sincerely, Gidget

[cougjunkie]

Dear Mrs.Funk,

I have always thought we could be real good friends if we met off the board, I still feel that way after reading this thread. That said, you should know I got pregnant out of wedlock when I was 21. I wasn't a teenager but I was close and though mature for my age still was as unprepared for the news. After the shock wore off I got my butt in gear went to the Bishop and did what I needed to do.

Though my bishop and close friends and most of my singles branch accepted the news and moved on, some did not. I was keeping my baby. My parents who are not LDS (I converted when I was 17 by myself) thought giving my baby up for adoption was an awful thing to do and said if I was going to do that then they would adopt her. Well, I wasn't going to do that, why make a complicated situation even more so . . . I knew all along that the baby would stay with me and that I wouldn't be giving her up. So I went to Church everyday and did the norm, attended Church functions and partied and events all while getting bigger and bigger. People looked, people stared, and some asked questions. Some glared and thought I should be hanging my head. Some said mean things because they knew what I had done to get myself into the situation (psssst: I had sex and was not married).

It was the best and worst time of my life, but really just the worst and should have been the best. For a lot of reasons. I had a lot of guilt for the obvious reasons: I had committed a grievous sin, I wasn't going the adoption route, etc. I felt bad when I would get excited about having a baby, because I knew people would think that I shouldn't celebrate the result of my horrible decisions. Though my friends never judged me (not once, they are the best people in the world, and I'll add they all had temple marriages and were top notch kids) - I still felt the judgment everywhere I went. My life revolved around my friends and my friends went to Church and I was going to Church still and trying to get through the repentance process, knowing that people knew exactly why I wasn't taking the Sacrament. I felt like there might as well have been a Scarlett letter sewn to the front of all my shirts, hell there basically was, I was obviously showing by this point.

Sometimes I would talk to my belly when I was alone and just cry. I couldn't feel happy outside so I just tried to be happy when I was alone, but all I ended up doing was crying. It was a weird place, I was supposed to feel normal shame but for how long??? How long was I supposed to feel it before I could start being happy and bring my child into a happy place and give her a mother who could accept my wrongs and move on, but wait . . . . sex before marriage should never be accepted, it is not ok and always wrong! But my daughter should be accepted . . . . how could I make these two points coincide?? It was rough, and certainly not as easy as the whole "hate the sin, love the sinner" mantra.

Sometimes I felt like Leah (my daughter, 4 yrs now) was all I had. If it wasn't for my friends I wouldn't have been able to survive, they were awesome, like angels and body guards willing to love and protect me when I was being glared at and talked about. Eventually, I realized I started loving Leah when she was still inside me, and the guilt faded away. I still felt what I had done was wrong, but I had made it through the repentance process (even to the temple when Leah was 5 months) and knew that there was no reason to feel shame anymore and there was no reason to even have that mindset. I didn't want my daughter being born into that mindset -that she was just the one good thing that came out of such a horrible act. Because everything about her was perfect, circumstance and all.

I had two baby showers, one given to me by the Relief Society president in my home ward (that'll show 'em!!) and I am sure there were people who didn't come and felt like you did about seeing those pictures. But a baby is something to celebrate, there is no need to punish the mother for her sins by not celebrating a new child. She will answer for her sins when this life is over.

One of my best friends who supported me all through my pregnancy realized this the hard way. My friends wanted to drive me out to the coast to go shopping when Leah was just 6 months old. The whole point was for me to get some new clothes, but I ended up watching Leah the whole time and everyone else got tons of stuff, my stroller became everyone's shopping cart. When I told my good friend Nikki how upset I was that we were leaving and I didn't manage to get any time to get anything she gave me a weird look and didn't say anything. But I knew exactly what she was thinking, she was my best friend after all . . . later that night I called her and told her I was hurt and could tell that she was thinking. She apologized and started crying, she said, "You are right, when you were telling me how disappointed you were that you didn't get anything all I was thinking is that you deserved to be frustrated, and deserved to be disappointed, that those were the things you should feel when you have a baby out of wedlock and unprepared. That those are the things moms give up when they have kids and you shouldn't ever complain because you brought this situation upon yourself by keeping Leah." She was so sorry that she had ever thought those things and couldn't believe that even she herself had thought them.

The truth is when you become a mom, even when you are young and out of wedlock, you don't have to give up being happy about it, getting what you want, and you certainly don't have to give up the right to complain about motherhood. Because motherhood is hard. It is hard for everyone, married or not . Everyone needs love and a good example more than they do judgment. Sometimes there are people in my life who still think that part of me should be eternally shameful for the things I have done, but that is not so. If I can repent and move on how much happier of a life will my daughter, Leah, lead through my joy? A joy with no shame. Where she doesn't have to feel like she is the result of sin. Leah will be a good daughter of our Heavenly Father because of the love and example I am to her. Without her I wouldn't have what I have now, which is a lot. She is the best thing that ever happened to me.

I know you didn't mean to cause so much craziness, though I'll admit I was surprised by your initial post, I just wanted to share my story. I still think we could be kindred spirits.

Sincerely, Gidget

boom bitches!

[FN Phat]

I thought Leah was suppose to be playing soccer, not picking flowers in the soccer field!

[Surfah]

I thought Leah was suppose to be playing soccer, not picking flowers in the soccer field!

I think we were flying a kite at the soccer field.

[cougjunkie]

I thought Leah was suppose to be playing soccer, not picking flowers in the soccer field!

Do you think if Gidget knew what kind of Uncles Leah would have she would have rethought her decisions in life?

[FN Phat]

Do you think if Gidget knew what kind of Uncles Leah would have she would have rethought her decisions in life?

You are spot on! I don't know why but that little girl loves me. She has been a great blessing for our family. She had me from hello...or maybe when she was stealing everyones ice cream